treefrogkate

While the cuddling doesn't sound that unusual (I've had my female friends sit with their legs on top of mine while watching tv before, and there was absolutely nothing untoward going on), the ring is really what clinches the deal for me. It really sounds like it's intended to represent a wedding band. That and the locking the bedroom door. Why would there be any reason to lock the door if there's only sleeping and cuddling going on? The only way you're going to know for sure is to ask her. You say 704831]if she and her friend have something going on and it makes her happy, while i have a short term problem with it (for obvious reasons), long term there are many ways to manage it many healthy ways to manage it. I worry that you are considering settling for something you are uncomfortable with just to stay with her. If you are ok with her having a side relationship with the woman as long as you know about it, that's one thing. But if you truly are not ok with being the "third wheel", so to speak, you should not put yourself through that pain. One thing I wonder... a lot of people, for whatever reason, don't consider having a lesbian relationship outside of the main relationship cheating, simply because it's not with someone of the opposite sex. Unless you have explicitly agreed "We are a monogamous couple... except she can sleep with women", then it's cheating. If she's hiding it from you, then it's cheating.

I don't think there's ever any excuse to cheat. If the relationship is failing or end it, then end it already! Then you can do whatever you'd like without cheating!

"We" don't. Maybe certain people do, but as far as I'm concerned, me and the people I choose to hang out with would frown on anyone cheating on their significant other. Also, I personally think it's too dangerous to have "reckless" sex nowadays, and wouldn't think highly of someone from either sex doing it. But if someone is being careful and using protection, then it's none of my business who they are doing it with, and none of my concern whether they are a guy or a girl. People are way too judgemental in general. Everyone needs to chill out and let people do what they're going to do.

In the context of a relationship though, both partners would be equally wrong if they broke their agreement with the other person. I don't think it's any more ok for a guy to cheat than it is for a gal.

I think you've nailed it (har har, pardon the pun), tiredofvampires. The act itself is not what is inherently "wrong"; it's the breaking of the agreement with your partner (if there is an agreement of monogamy in place).

I think you're making a gross exaggeration here. I must be the only woman in existence that wanted someone who is a genuinely nice guy then (but somehow I doubt it). I got one, and he is absolutely wonderful. He also wouldn't fit most peoples' expectations of "hot" with his chubby beer belly and nerdy tendencies, but he couldn't be more perfect for me, and I couldn't be happier. Am I going to cheat on him with anyone, let alone someone who's a jerk? Hells no. You couldn't pay me enough to do that to the man I love. I really think you have it all wrong. Girls think they want a bad boy. Women have already decided that it's not worth it and want someone they can depend on. You shouldn't blame women for the bad behavior of these girls.

He's only happy because he's in a shiny new situation. You can bet that he'll be unhappy and doing the same to her in not too long from now. So really, who is going to be happier in the end? This guy, who needs to jump from woman to woman to make himself feel better, or you, who can give all of herself to one man who deserves it? I think you know the answer to that question.

Oh I am so sorry. That is really awful, and I can't even imagine what you must have been feeling standing there listening to him go on about this girl. I'm glad you have the attitude you do, though. You're dealing with it really well, and I applaud you for being so strong. If you ever feel like you need to contact him, please come back to this post and reread everything he's done for you. If you still feel like you need to contact him even after that, then write here. If you don't want to write here, then feel free to PM me anytime. I don't check this every day, but at least you'll have written something down, and hopefully that will get it out of your system. The important thing is: Do NOT give him the satisfaction of knowing you're still thinking about him, even if it's to write him a nastygram telling him what a lousy jerk he is. He is NOT worth it. Stay strong. It might seem like forever, but you'll forget about the hurt he's caused you. And I agree, this other girl will be going through the exact thing you're going through right now soon enough.

Wait, was he actually with the woman from work and not simply "considering it"... in addition to the prostitutes?!? How much "release" does one guy need? Sydny, I wish you the best, but I am afraid that you are going to compromise your needs in order to keep your husband. Unless he is agreeing to do things completely on your terms (and if that includes never seeing a prostitute or the other woman again, then so be it), he doesn't deserve you or the second chance you are giving him. I really hope you will both get tested for STIs. And if you have decided to allow him to continue sleeping with "play for pay" women, that you have taken the possibility of catching an STI from him into consideration. I don't care how rough his childhood was, it's not an excuse to have sex with anyone who will take his money and then tell you it's not up to you who he sleeps with and that he never really wanted to be exclusive with you sexually anyway. I went through hell in my first marriage and I never cheated on him. And I would never cheat on my boyfriend. I hope that you will both talk to a professional about this. It seems he has a lot to get over, and that individual counseling may be in order as well as couples. I really hope you can work it out so that you're both happy, but I'm worried for you. Please keep us posted.

Egads, he is a real jerk. In my expert opinion (haha), he's either really rubbing it in your face, or he's not getting any and wants you to know that so you'll take him back so he'll get some. If it were me, when I called back and he launched into talking about the girl, I would probably, very sweetly and with the utmost calm, say "Oh, you don't have to tell me anything. It's really none of my business." and get back to the matter at hand, which is getting your cell phone. If he kept talking about it, I would probably say "I'm sorry, I'm in a rush to meet a friend, I just need to find out where you put my phone so I can pick it up" and then refuse to comment any further. Even if I was planning on sitting at home all night crying into my Hagen-Daas. Don't fall for his fishing. Let him know that you no longer care what he does. Be strong and be confident. Then cry after you get off the phone if you need to.

I'm glad to hear it's getting better for you. Have you filed for a divorce? What is happening with your situation now?

I agree with BSBH. You can file this under "easier said than done", but honestly you need to get this man entirely out of your life and your head: Don't answer his texts. Why should you care if he's got someone over? If you really think about it, you'll realize he didn't send that to you to warn you... you might have thought nothing of the car in the driveway, maybe it was one of his mates or something. No, he wanted you to know that he had that girl over so that you would be jealous, and maybe you would try to come back into his life. He's not trying to stay in contact with you to be nice, that's for sure. Block his number. Block his email address. Don't respond to anything you get from him - in fact, don't even read it! There's no reason you should know anything further about what's going on with him, because he's not your boyfriend. He was a total jerk to you, and you deserve better. Keep posting here. It's good to get all this off your chest. If you feel like writing to him or answering something he sent to you, come here instead. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing he can still get the best of you! Leave him to his life. Karma will take care of him. Get yourself back together and move on!

You're exactly right, you've got plenty of time to find a guy who's going to be completely smitten with you, and only you! And I know how it feels to have "wasted" your time... I was with my ex-husband for a grand total of 6 years, and felt like that time was wasted. But honestly, I learned a lot about myself in that time, what I will and will not tolerate in a relationship, and what I want out of not only a relationship, but life. Trust me, once you're over the hurt of this relationship, you'll discover just how much you've learned from it.

I'm sorry you feel like that. I'd venture to say that a lot of people are so enamored by the idea of being in love that they don't stop to think of whether they really are in love, and they get married too quickly or without enough thought behind it. I can honestly say that until I met my boyfriend, I'd never really been in love before, no matter what I thought or imagined. The feeling I have with my boyfriend is totally unlike anything I've ever felt before. I don't think love is rubbish... what is love other than a strong need for companionship, physical closeness, and a desire for the other person to be happy?

It's not always that easy. Speaking from experience, theres a certain amount of self-esteem undermining that goes on in an abusive relationship, and I think most of the time, women stay in them because we think no one else would want us and that we deserve what we're getting. It's easy to say "Just leave" looking in from the outside, and after you're out of the relationship, it's easy to say "Why did I stay with him for so long?", but if it were just that easy to get out, well, there wouldn't be so many abusive relationships out there.