lonely_me

I was also raised in the US but come from a family that believes in arranged marriages. My own parents had an arranged marriage - they knew each other for 2 days before the engagement, 7 before the wedding. While I have also heard statistics about arranged marriages lasting longer, I do not believe that there is something about an arranged marriage that makes it more successful. I think that whether you have a love marriage or an arranged one, you have no idea who you'll be married to in 20 years and it's up to both spouses to make it work. However, I think people who were raised to think arranged marriages are okay were also raised to think divorces are not. A lot of people go in to marriages knowing that if it doesn't work out, they have an out. Cultures promoting arranged marriages tend to be much stricter and less open to divorce, which I believe explains why people in arranged marriages are more likely to have a successful marriage. They were raised eith the understanding that their marriage will be arranged and that they will make it work, no matter what.

That stinks. I'm a female working in a predominantly male field as well, and while nothing quite so drastic has ever happened to me, I kinda know where you are coming from. It stinks that you didn't get the respect you deserve, but keep in mind that you got the job done anyway. Since they didn't call you back, it probably means you did the job well. That says volumes more than how other people treated you. The fact that you were able to do what you needed on your own says a lot, you should be proud of yourself!

I work from home and my job is legit, but the route I went probably won't work for you since you seem to need something you can start immediately. I got an internship at a small-medium company while I was in college. When I graduated and they offered me a fulltime position, I took it on the condition that I would be allowed to telecommute while my husband was in graduate school, so that he would have the freedom to go to the best school that accepted him and then go on to the best internship he got without me having to constantly change jobs. While my situation is very different from yours, I think it's important that you know that working from home isn't always all it's cracked up to be. It can be VERY lonely. You will have your children at home with you, so that may help you, but most likely you won't be able to interact with them all the time. There will be times when you just have to concentrate on your job, and those times can get very hard. I have found that the loneliness can sometimes even make my job more difficient, and tasks that I could normally complete very easily are a lot more taxing on me now that I'm by myself, without people to bounce ideas off of. If you do choose to work from home, plan regular activities to get you out of the house. Take a class, join a gym, whatever. The first few months I was here, I would go days without leaving the house and it literally drove me nuts. Also, try to find a job that still allows some level of people interaction - so maybe some sort of customer service type thing, if possible. Also, if you can find a local company that will allow you to work from home, try to arrange it so that you can maybe work in the office once a month, just to keep yourself in touch with your co-workers. Goodluck!

I always attach my cover letter and resume as a PDF. It's all one clean, consistent document.

Who is it supposed to be diagnosed by? My primary care doctor? Another psychologist? I assumed that since our marriage therapist is a psychologist, he was able to make a diagnosis. Sorry, I guess I'm less informed than I thought! I try to get out for a few minutes several times a day. I know I should do more, but as soon as I'm out there for a little while and get so cold, I just get frustrated and run back in. I don't think it's the way I dress, I've followed all the layering suggestions I've been given... I think I just get really negative about it all and that gets in the way. I agree with you, though, that it is important, so I guess I'll just keep trying. Maybe you're right and someday I'll get used to it.

Yeah, my therapist loaned me a therapy light last week that I've been using all week. It seems to work, but the results are very short lived. I feel good for like an hour or two after I use it, and then I need it again. I'm pretty sure I'm only supposed to be using it twice a day, so I'm not sure what to do in between.

Does anyone who suffers from Seasonal Affective Disorder this have any tips they can pass on? I moved from a very warm climate to an extremely frigid climate in August, and I seem to be having a hard time adjusting to the change. My husband and I started seeing a marriage therapist and he thinks I may have either Seasonal Affective Disorder or Adjustment Disorder, which is making it hard for me to deal with everything else. He's leaning more towards SAD. He loaned me a therapy light and recommended either riding out the rest of the winter somewhere warmer (which, I luckily have the flexibility to do through my job) or begin taking anti-depressants. I'm following his advice and will spend 3 weeks away from here to see how it goes, however, I don't think I can handle doing this for ever. I'm running away this time, but eventually I will need to deal. I'll go to anti-depressants if I have to, but I was wondering if anyone could give me some other suggestions that I could talk to my therapist about. Thanks in advance!

I don't think someone else can answer that for you. I think you need to put some thought in to what you have to gain by not seeing her and what motivates you to stay away. If you are doing what you feel you need to for your sanity, then I would say you are not trying to punish her. She may feel that you are punishing her by not being around her, but you can't bend over backwards to make her feel better about that. You do what you need to, and then work on your marriage when you have the energy to. However, to be fair to her, you may want to sit down and explain what your motivations for staying away are. Maybe give her a timeframe about when you'll be ready to work with her again? I am actually doing something similar. I'm leaving my husband for a month, but I think it actually has very little to do with him. I need to take some time for myself, I need to get away from the awful sadness I've been feeling for the past few months. My husband and I have been going to marriage counseling and it was actually recommended to us by our therapist because he saw that I'm just too frustrated and unhappy with our situation to participate productively in our marriage. Goodluck to you!

Caro, I created a thread earlier today about that... it's here Thanks!

If a nail drill will help you speed up your work and improve the quality of it, I would do whatever you can to get one. However, I doubt that's the only thing that contributes. I've gotten acrylics done twice without a nail drill. Once, it was awful and they fell off within days. The second time it was great, I kept the same set for nearly a year and my manicurist never needed to use a drill. I don't know much about your field, but I'd imagine it takes much longer than 4 weeks to build up a client base. Be patient and stick with the salon that offers you the most growth - ie, the place that will enable you to learn more and eventually get more clients, not the place that will put you to work immediately and get you a small, unreliable client base right away. For now, it may be beneficial to work a second job until you get your feet planted firmly in the ground with your first one. Do something in the evenings that doesn't require a lot out of you, but will give you reliable (even if small) income.

It's tough when one person makes more money than the other. My husband is in graduate school pursuing a PhD. Because he is a research assistant, he earns a stipend but all of it and then some go toward school expenses that his research grants don't cover. This means that we live off of my salary entirely. That sort of responsibility is a tough one to shoulder, so I know how your boyfriend has felt for the past few months. With that said, while my husband and I have our share of problems, this whole "yours" and "mine" thing is rarely an issue that needs to be discussed. Every month, I think "we need to pay our rent". It's not an issue of *I* need to pay rent, or *he* needs to pay it. We live here, so our rent needs to be paid by us. I also know that someday, when he has his PhD and is doing what he needs to be fulfilled, I'll want to be a stay at home mom so I can be fulfilled, and he'll need to support me. We'll still need to pay for our rent/mortgage exactly as we do now, but it'll be coming from money he'll earn instead of money I'll earn because I'll be the one not contributing in that way. Maybe that's how your boyfriend was seeing him paying the rent? He did what he had to for you two to survive, and when the time comes and you're capable, you'll do the same. Maybe you don't feel the same way, and it frustrated him? Also, is it possible that things went sour before and he just stuck around because he didn't want you to not be able to make ends meet? A while back, I got very frustrated with my marriage and considered leaving, but I knew it would put my husband in an awful financial situation and decided against it. I'm glad, because it means we have to work on things, but sometimes when I'm really upset the thoughts creep back. If he was all of the sudden able to make ends meet without me, I think I'd have a lot of new temptation to call it quits. If that's the case with your boyfriend, then what he did is an obvious sign that he cares about your wellbeing and may be willing to re-evaluate your relationship.

Don't let a standardized test or a dollar sign predict your future. As far as I know, archaeology is one of those fields that you'd usually need a phd in to actually get work, especially if you plan on doing research. If I am correct, then it may not be a good idea to go to a field school. However, I would verify that with someone who knows more about your field - like an advisor at your school. Goodluck!

This may not make sense if you haven't read my ranting and whining in the past, but I am finally feeling somewhat good. Like I've said on my previous posts, my husband and I began seeing a psychologist and that started to help things, until the semester started and he went back to school. Then things kinda fell apart again. Yesterday, our psychologist recommended that I leave for a while. I'm going to go stay with my parents for a month. The reason this was recommended was I've always lived in very warm, tropical climates and now all of the sudden I'm dealing with below 0 temperatures. He thinks that between the low thyroid, possible Seasonal Affective Disorder, possible Adjustment Disorder, etc. I just have too much to deal with right now to be able to handle everything going on in my marriage. I'm leaving next week, on the 7th, and I'll get to spend an entire MONTH in nice, warm weather. I'll get to go to actually go to my office (rather than working from home), spend tons of time with my family, see my friends, do all the things I did before we came up here to the middle of no where. At the same time, I'm so nervous about what this will do to my marriage. My husband is being supportive, and I think maybe he might be a little relieved because I know dealing with me and my unhappiness has really been frustrating him. I still feel like I'm running away from my problems, but everyone around me is telling me that I'm not. That, if anything, I'm just running away from the weather. Is it awful that I'm excited to be getting away from my husband for a while? I don't know. In addition to looking forward to getting back to my old life, I'm also looking forward to seeing what happens when I come back home. Will he appreciate me more after being here without me? Will he want to spend more time with me after being away from me for a month? I really really hope so. I'm crying as I write this, though, because part of me is really worried that he will be better off on his own. Yeah, he'll go back to eating crackers and cheese for every meal like he did before we got married, but maybe he'll appreciate the peace and quiet. Maybe he'll see that I'm just a nuisance or something. I don't know. I'm all mixed up, but I know this is something I need to do for myself. I've spent the past 6 months completely ignoring my own needs, and it hasn't done a single thing for my marriage. Thanks for listening again.

Have you tried your university's advising, career guidance, or co-op offices? Any of those three resources may be able to help you find something that's a better fit for you!

I would definitely let your employer know. That way, s/he will be more understanding and not let the mistakes reflect poorly on you. You are a good worker, so your employer should be willing to help you find ways to avoid these mistakes (maybe have someone else proof your stuff?) and do your job as well as you are capable of doing it!