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caliboy

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  • Birthday 05/31/1979

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  1. If it's not a medical thing then it could be.... I agree with Badh about it being an emotional thing. Girls will shut off from intimacy if things aren't going good emotionally. Constantly bringing up sex and pressuring her about it only pushes her away from wanting to do it and turns it into a sour topic for her. You have to just drop the topic and not even hint about it. Don't show any resentment or bitterness. I'm getting married in 2 weeks and my fiance hasn't wanted sex until marriage for about a year now. Although she's not a virgin, she's a Christian and once she decided partway through our relationship to start waiting until marriage, I started to get bitter and would even make resentful comments about it cause I was so frustrated. Constantly bringing it up and constantly reminding her about it only made the topic an even worse subject. She's reassured me that once we're married it will be different. She's been wanting to be intimate too, but has been wanting to be good to God and wait it out. Not really related to your situation, but just that bringing the topic up puts pressure on her and she'll wall up from it. What I do is just visualize her as just a good friend. Someone I hang out with, laugh with and can basically just be friends with - your best friend (which is also what she is to you in addition to your lover, wife, etc). When you start getting horny or thinking about sex, before you get frustrated about it and want to talk to her about it, go spank it and I'm serious. Cause after you do, you won't have that desire again for a bit and you can focus back on being best friends. Give it time and see if that helps.
  2. She doesn't seem to care what I do about my sexual frustrations. She says Christians should marry those of equal faith. I didn't think she was so hardcore about it though, especially after hearing about her past, but apparently she wants to be a better Christian. This all happened immediteley after we went and saw "Passion of the Christ" fyi I don't think it's her parents she's trying to redeem herself with, but herself. She's admitted to me that she regrets what she's done in the past which makes me feel a little better. She wants to be closer to God so she is trying to obey what the bible says. Although she's not doing a good job of following the part that says the wife respects and obeys the husband.
  3. I appreciate all your responses. When she does the whole hang up thing, I just ignore her and she ends up calling me later. I've told her before that this lack of respect has got to stop and she apologizes, but it still continues. She's got a temper and has been brought up to be a "strong and independent woman". The sex thing is a religious choice. Her family is VERY religious and I think she's trying to redeem herself from a somewhat active sexual past. We can kiss and hug, but nothing else. She won't even change in front of me because I get frustrated. It's a tough one to comment on because it's her choice of religion and I should respect that. I'm going to talk to her in a little while and I'll reitterate my points. If she can't understand and go by then I'll tell her I can't continue and put the ball in her court. Even though we've already sent out all the invitations... ugh.
  4. My fiance and I are stuck in a dilemma. She wanted to stop all physical contact (for religious reasons) about a year ago which has been very difficult for me. Because of this I sometimes get frustrated (sexually?) and become more irritable at times. This combined with her spending habits (likes to buy expensive things when she doesn't have the money for it) creates frustrated arguments between the two of us. So we argue more often then we'd like, plus she has a tendency to become immature and irrational and (she's 30 years old) do the whole 14 year old "I wanna break up"-get back together an hour later thing, which makes me feel insecure about the relationship. Plus she hangs up on me a lot which also adds to this and I feel like she doesn't respect me at all. So on top of it, she has a lot of guy friends and a lot of guy coworkers. I admit I get a little jealous when she talks to me about all the conversations she has with them and it frustrates me sometimes that she'll get advice from them and she takes it when I may have given her the same advice before but won't listen to me, but I think I feel this way because of how she's made me feel insecure about the relationship. So now she's telling me that she doesn't tell me about when she talks to other guys cause she doesn't want to get into an argument, which I feel only puts distance between us. It's not like I have a problem with her having guy friends, but more that she's made me feel insecure about the relationship because of the way she treats me at times so I guess because of this I get a little insecure when I hear about her having a great time with other guys while she disrespects/argues with me. How do we get out of this horrible rut?
  5. My fiance and I are stuck in a dilemma. She wanted to stop all physical contact (for religious reasons) about a year ago which has been very difficult for me. Because of this I sometimes get frustrated (sexually?) and become more irritable at times. This combined with her spending habits (likes to buy expensive things when she doesn't have the money for it) creates frustrated arguments between the two of us. So we argue more often then we'd like, plus she has a tendency to become immature and irrational and (she's 30 years old) do the whole 14 year old "I wanna break up"-get back together an hour later thing, which makes me feel insecure about the relationship. Plus she hangs up on me a lot which also adds to this and I feel like she doesn't respect me at all. So on top of it, she has a lot of guy friends and a lot of guy coworkers. I admit I get a little jealous when she talks to me about all the conversations she has with them and it frustrates me sometimes that she'll get advice from them and she takes it when I may have given her the same advice before but won't listen to me, but I think I feel this way because of how she's made me feel insecure about the relationship. So now she's telling me that she doesn't tell me about when she talks to other guys cause she doesn't want to get in a fight, which I feel only puts distance between us. It's not like I have a problem with her having guy friends, but more that she's made me feel insecure about the relationship because of the way she treats me at times so I guess because of this I get a little insecure when I hear about her having good conversations with other guys while she disrespects/argues with me. How do we get out of this horrible rut?
  6. The conflict isn't with my parents. My parents love her (and have told her this) and she loves them too. The conflict comes between her and one of my brothers and his girlfriend. Mainly his girlfriend. My brothers girlfriend is the peppy, upbeat, cute blonde, always happy girl and this really bothers my fiance. I ask her why and she says she doesn't know. She comments on how everyone loves my brothers girlfriend cause she acts so young (she's 19 and she can at times act like she's eight). So it makes my fiance feel separated when she sees everyone laughing and getting along with my bro's girlfriend (including me) when she despises her. I think it's an insecurity issue and she's aggreed at times that maybe it is. I don't know what to do, becuase I've tried and tried to help the situation, but my fiance has basically told me that she will never fit in with it and will never enjoy herself on my family vacations. It really puts me in a crummy situation with me almost having to pick a side.
  7. My whole life I've gone on family trips during summer and winter. I'm getting married soon after having gone on a summer trip with my fiance and family last summer and this winter. My fiance emailed me this... So babe, we have allot of things to work out if we are going to get married. First and for most, you have to be 100% by my side babe, so that means there is no choosing between me and your family, it means that you have to choose me all the time. Secondly, I don't want to spend all of my Christmas's and Summer vacations on your family trips. I want us to start our own family and have our own family trips. That's what getting married means, you leave your family's to start your own. I understand doing the family things once in a while, but not every single year. Thirdly, please go and spend more time with your brother, so that on these family trips you don't spend catch up time. I know that you have been doing all these things your entire life Shay but when you get married, you leave your Father and Mother and start your own family and do your own family things with me. I have been living with my family my entire life but I am not expecting us to live with them when we get married right? So you have to ask yourself, can you choose your wife over your Mother and Father? Can you start your own family or do you need to stay with your current family.........are you ready for a wife? We have to settle this, because if not, we will probably end up in divorce latter on and I don't want to be in a marriage like that. Is this right/fair?
  8. Ya I used minoxidil for my receeding hairline (although not that bad, I just want to get it before it progressed) and it worked well. I read the minoxidil instructions and it only really talks about using it on the crown, although why shouldn't it work on the hairline portion? They're all the same type of hair follicles... So I tried it and it worked. The kind I use is the Costco brand of Rogaine - poduced by Kirkland a 5% minoxidil. I noticed when I started to eat more crap food and not work out as more my hair would thin a little. I kind of imagine it as my body not pumping blood through veins and capillaries, so bloods not getting to parts (my head) as much as it has. After a good work out and run your head, face and body is all warm so you've got blood pumping getting into those areas it may not have been getting to before. Plus crap food (ie. fast food, junk food) isn't giving you the nutrients and vitamins you and your hair/hair follicles (and body or that matter) may need to function at it best. My friends and family never noticed anything wrong with my hair either, but you and I notice it cause we look at our hair everyday. Try out the minoxidil for a few months. You really have to stick to it though. I noticed that if I get lazy after it's started working and miss 3,4,5 times, my hair will thin again and I have to start all over again.
  9. I use minoxidil you can buy at Costco (Kirkland brand) and that works for me for my hair in the front. I don't have a bald spot in the crown, it's just in the front at my hairline a little bit. I use that stuff 1-2 times/day and after a month or two you start to notice it working. It's kind of a hassle to use cause the stuff drips down your face, you have to constantly wipe it off until it settles, but it works for me. Some other things with me, I noticed when the seasons change (spring to summer and especially summer-winter) I lose a little hair but then it comes back afterwards. Also make sure you get enough sleep, exercise and eat right. AND DONT STRESS - that'll cause your hair to fall out. Also if you're going to use minoxidil (or some other prodcut you drip onto your hair) it helps A LOT to shave your head (not skin head, but a buzz cut) in order to get it directly to your head. Plus a shaved head looks better (hides better) any hair loss.
  10. Thanks hockeyboy and DBL for the responses. You're right about the saving herself for me thing. We'll have our whole life to do all that. Just have to settle with the palm sisters for the time being and refrain from going elsewhere for it. DBL, was it just the sex thing that messed with your marriage or was there something else about her going godly that did it?
  11. I went through this too for a bit with my girlfriend (now fiance). Within the first couple months we talked about details from our past intimate relationships. Heard she did some things that I never expected the one day mother of my children would have done, but that's life. You just can't think about it. You have to look at her as the person you met when you met her and from then on. Her past is her past and it made the person she is today. Another thing, be thankful you do get be intimate with your girlfriend now. Mine decided to follow the Lord after her and I met and had sex for a few months now we don't do ANYTHING except kiss, hug, hold hands, while I sit there and think about her having sex with a guy in a car, in a park, etc. It can mess with your self-esteem. What I do sometimes when I start thinking about it is realize that maybe it's not that bad if she's had some expereince under her belt. This way you don't have to really worry that she's going to be curious while you two are together.
  12. Were you abused at all as a child? Was you father around when you were younger? It doesn't sound like you're ready for a relationship. You should tell your boyfriend what happened and take a break from the relationship to get things out of your system.
  13. Cecelius, you're last couple comments at the end of your response make sense to me. I guess I can be insecure at times (although I'd like to eliminate this entirely). The thing is, how do you know if the person you're with is truly over there ex(es) or not? Is there something I can ask or say to find out without directly asking her and possibly getting a dishonest answer? She told me she had talked with her mom the other night about her Dad contacting an ex a few years ago. Her mom said that he would occasionally tell her that he was thinking about contacting his ex, but it's been a few years since he did that last. My fiance has a similar personality to her dad's and I don't want to have to deal with that with her. I leave my exes in the past. I brought this topic up with her yesterday and she got VERY angry, jumping to things like I'm possessive, nieve for not understanding that people can talk even if they've had a past together, etc. I try to see her rational, but I still feel like something's not right with it all. I don't want to overreact. I trust her and she'd never do anything unfaithful. I just didn't know if I should be worried about a girl who makes it clear that she may one day want to contact an old ex.
  14. I agree. It's just an email to catch up, so I don't really care. It's if they start hanging out, etc. She still hasn't admitted to emailing the person, but that's probably because (like Nocam said) she was caught off guard and put on the spot. But she did tell me that there's nothing wrong if she ever did want to catch up with someone from her past. I say the past is the past, but she says she's an adult and a Christian so it's ok to see how people are doing (even if they're an old fling/ex). Part of me wants to believe this, but part of me feels like she might still hold on to some things in her past. Maybe she just has a hard time letting go of certain things. I've gotten the impression from her though, that her ex (although she broke up with him and didn't want to be with him long term) was a great guy and all that. I just hope she feels that way about me too. After all, we're getting married. Another bit of advice to anyone who may be in the same shoes as me, it turns people off if you start investigating them, questioning them, saying things in a way that implies you don't want them to do certain things, hang out/talk to certain people, etc. Especially when it comes to her talking to other guys, etc. Just have to trust her and let her do whatever she wants without concern.
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