surviveitall

I'm in the same boat. I too had a wife of seven years. She left me to "go party" and become a * * * * with random guys. No kids though. Its been 13 months for me, and I still have so much resentment for her built up. It bothers me every day and every night.

Simple answer: Why don't you wait ANOTHER two months? These last two months finally did you some good. You have found something that works. I am now going on one week of NC. :splat: I've been divorced a year. And by NC, that means not checking her MS profile, not snooping around otherwise "electronically" like I can do on her. Just not doing it at all. She has't been checking up on me, so shes probably a lot further down the road. Oh, that is if the guilt of cheating on my like crazy and robbing me blind doesn't kill her.

I went through this once. I grieved for a year and a half, and almost drank myself to death. It didn't go away until I replaced it with going back to school and moved to a new city. Gradually, she faded away.

These girls sound mischeavious. Sometimes they'll do that just to see if you would. But they wouldn't. How are you hanging otherwise?

I don't know about anyone else, but this weekend I just had a total meltdown and feel like I'm back at square one again. Uggh!

It's nice to find this particular thread. I'm just over a year after we split up and I still think of her every day, and wonder if she thinks of me this much. We only exchange text mails once every few months. The last exchange left me feeling sad. It made me feel sad because we still have an instant connection with eachother's thoughts. I do hope she regrets leaving me.

One year ago, I was in your exact situation. I moved out last September after I just couldn't take my wife rolling home from the bars at 4:00 a.m. or god knows where anymore. She too had a wall of friends that goaded her on, telling her she could do better than me (even though they were all desperate Ho-bags and couldn' keep a man). I went through all the holidays alone in a crappy little room I rented out. For Christmas, I did laundry. That was my day. The divorce went final last February. I couldn't believe it went all the way. I kept waiting for her to come to her senses, but it never happened. Now, she's a "Ho" just like her friends, I've heard quite a few stories. I was doing pretty good last summer, but with the holidays I too have begun a deep tailspin and I don't know how to pull it together anymore. I've run out of the will to try. I feel ya - but I do disagree with one thing. You will eventually find somebody else. We all do. this is my 3rd "hard breakup" and I eventually made a comeback every time.

Ha! This is refreshing to read. I think I have you beat, though: mine left me (professional, handsome, smart, educated guy) to slum the hip hop bars, be a "Ho" and pretend she was black.

Captain, You need to let go a little bit. Look - if it was meant to happen, these little things don't mean anything in the big picture. One of the things that always made me remember this was the saying that "if she wanted to be with you, SHE WOULD BE WITH YOU." These little adjustments and worrying aren't going to change what is supposed to happen.

Tex, thanks for the reply. You are right that deep inside, I still wish she would throw herself at my feet and apologize and say she was wrong. In her last couple of emails to me, she invited me to "drop by" and say hello. I became deeply suspicious, as I refuse to ever allow her to claim we are "friends" again. This would allow her to tell everyone we were friends, meaning that she did nothing wrong and all is forgiven. She also is hanging around at our neighbors house. I can see her car parked out there sometimes, but I've never seen her. It is erie knowing that she is just right accross the street, but I can't talk to her. I am also very afraid of how I might handle seeing her again. Would I break down and cry or scream at her or what? I know that she still has the power to hurt me, even though I know she still carries a flag for me and I still do for her. So the trick is to simply give up all thoughts of a reunification, or even final closure, eh? I will focus on this more. thanks again.

You HAVE to tell me how to find that tracker!!!!

Tex, I have to say your story was the most compelling I've read in a long time, and is what prompted me to join this site. About a year ago I filed for divorce, it became final this February. The last time I ever saw her was in January. I long to have the meeting you've had with your ex, but I don't think it will ever come to pass. We were married for seven years. When we married, she was the sweetest thing ever. But due to my job, we moved to Southern California and she started hanging around with some trashy "party" girls at work and doing the girls night out thing. I was working a lot, and didn't want to be controlling, so I said nothing. Her tastes in music changed, she got really into hard core rap and started talking all "ghetto". She quit sleeping with me pretty soon, and was acting all "dreamy" and detached. I got suspicious, and installed a key logger on the computer. Sure enough, I found a hidden email box of hers and a love letter to some total loser at work. He was one of those "playa" type bling bling guys that are all smooth with women, but had only a part time job, divorced with kids, living with a roomate in a crappy part of town. I demanded counseling. She refused to participate, and swore they were "just friends". Things went downhill from there, she became openly defiant and often came rolling home at 4:00 a.m. She even had a "freshen up" bag in her car, probably after sex with whomever she used it. She spent almost $1000 a month on clothes, it was so obvious I meant nothing to her, and she was just using me. I filed for divorce and moved out. Over the next 4 months when I was living in a tiny rental unit crying my eyes out, she was out at the night clubs and having threesomes with hip hopper guys. I couldn't believe it - she never tried once to reconcile at all. She told me once on the phone that if we ever got back together, I would have to accept that "her friends come first" and I'd have to deal with it. So the divorce went final. I was stunned. Over the next 6 months, we've exchanged a couple emails and text mails. She always wanted to engage in small talk. I didn't - I wanted answers from her why she left me, and to admit to cheating on me. I need closure somehow. Once I ripped into her in an email, called her a ghetto * * * * *, and said she just used me. Still after that, she sent me a text mail this Halloween. Halloween used to be our favorite time together. I could never take her back, I know that at least. But it was all so senseless and tragic. I just don't understand it. Its been really hard to move on.