sheep

The way it looks, the way it is… Well had that break up of 6 months ago and it still wont stop bugging me. I had a hard time at night a ways back but started working nights and it didn’t seem to be upsetting while I was going to sleep with the sun was up. I think I was to tired to think about much of anything at that point. Today is the first day back on day shifts, the early bird special 4am to 2pm and have no idea what to do with my self. I feel like I should be home! But I cant. She is still so upset at me and still thinks I was cheating on her. Bad part about this is the girl I was talking to behind her back is who I spend most of my time with now. So that really pins the tail. fill u in: And month before we broke up I was talking to another women behind her back at nights. I do know what it looks like if I view this from her point of view. “cheater would pop in my head” I wasn’t! But I couldn’t relay to her what was going on and was upset over that part of me feeling like I had to hide it. Even spoke about it with this other women, ask her for a women’s point of view and how do I tell her. In the time frame I spoke to this other women maybe a 150 times on the cell phone. By what my X told me from the phone, damn it I guessed wrong. That bill comes in in the middle of the month not the end. Now the question is why was I talking to this person so much, its jerry springer time. I might have a 7 year old daughter! And I have a son and daughter myself. I have always wounder about it and that is way I talked to her. Any other case I would have told them I was in a relationship and cut it off “the communication dirty mind u” Right before the phone bill I told my x I wanted to leave and stayed with my parent for a little bit. Around these times I was under a lot of stress with a lost job and me and my x fighting at this point every day I couldn’t take it. The things my X was on me about where little but I took all of it to heart and she can have a hurtful way to her and would say or use your past, family anything to hurt me. And No shi! I was scared of her when it came to fighting like that. Id rather get hit by a bat then to hear her light me up and the best is she talked about me behind my back Now I spending a lot of time with the women I spoke with on the phone and even her helping get past my bottom of the line break down I had for over a month really opened up my eyes to see what true love is, she even would sit up with me “in another state” at late hours in the night. Listening to cry over this women that now had cut me off of every bit of her life and limits me for the time I spend with my daughter. The X basically told me that the whole reason she is acting this way and dragging it in the courts is becuese other the girl I was speaking with. Thats all my X will ever have to me “look at the phone bill, you are a cheater, &^%$ (*&@ *&^%$@!#$%(*&^%$@#$%^&%^&!!!!!!!” beep! You get it!? This all is coasting us thousands of dollars. I know you cant make someone see the truth or make believe there is one there, trust! But how do I deal with this, it hurts to know she feels the way she does about me. Now she is seeing someone else. But I really know the truth and to know she would feel like she made a mistake if she would just listen or even speak with this other women. Do you think she is just using that as a way out. But she wont admit to being with another person. Is she doing that as a safty line? And If I care or love someone else should I just persue them and forget about the family relationship. Not saying my kids but her

You are on the money, but I really didn’t cheat but have always been told by her I was. Once a cheater always a cheater, right! To bad she’s wrong! Courts are all messed up, come on you have been to a state building or court house before. State workers must be one of the most “don’t care, I be with you after lunch” and come back 2 hours later. Sorry if anyone is one but you will know Im right! She went to civil and district court and back to civil, forgot to add she is a state worker! But she is messing up and filing things to fast. For me that’s great! One motion says one thing and the other the opposite. There has been no violence or battery and have never hit a women. She has in the paper work I was arrested for breaking and entering. Never! Sorry hon! One she said I have not lived there for the past year and district papers I was there till August 06. And the one she really got me with, I am bi-polar and not my meds! Nice that will look great on a back ground check. To top it off she has me stuck with supervised visitation. It a big long mess! Even my PO office said this shouldn’t be happening. Truth;;;;;;I was always always with my little girl and she striped me of seeing her. My X is just causing a mess and she doesn’t under stand when enough is enough. She broke it off and I get hurt by that now she taking me to court and just really fawking up my life. There is no other way to say that. She with someone else after 4 months she is still doing shiz like this. She did no wrong doings, my * * *!

well it was a shock to say the least, bad part really is my daughter 4 was with me and heard me say your f.ing someone else in my bed. i didnt know she was behind me, i wasnt yelling. but she heard it and now keeps telling that he didnt sleep in my bed,and mom loves to boys. This is bad, really bad. Court she is draging me through and all becuz she said i was cheatingn on her, thats another long story. Hows it go, if some one is saying or blaming u it could be cuz they are the ones doing the cheating. I was kind of waiting but trying to flirt and hang out but still had that little bit of hope, not now. I wish she really knew the truth on my half that i havnt but if its planted in her head then nothing can change that

so many things you want ask, noing they all are going to hurt no matter the anwser

its not the butt, you see the avatar. Its a shock. thats something you can never take back

4 months and she moved on. she been a f-ing as s hole saying ii ihave been cheating. i never have

she moved on, some one was in my bed last night. shes done so many things to me in court cuz she said i was with some one else. i cant even think

Here is the go getter for you, this is to of her tight friends!! girl 1 girl 2 girl 1, years ago when I first started dating my x, she was the good girl friend that would hit on me behind her back. We went to the bar "first meeting of friend" my x would go to the bathroom and it would start, guess after a few beers she really started to put on the flirt. My x even said something about the next day. I told my x what was said! For weeks after the two didn't really talk, when they did girl 1 said she knew all about me and she should break up with. At this time my X cut her off and didn't talk for years. Since then they had made up and have been going out again. And she is a ho-bag. Only thing I can think of is the x is falling into what she is saying, based on what was said years ago. LOSE LOSE there. girl 2 She got my X the job she has now and is also her boss. Most the girls at their work are gold diggers. They have always tried to hook the X up with someone every now and then. 11/2 years ago we were going to meet some of my friends for a drink and to shoot some pool. We pulled up and girl 2 called X and wanted to come out, she was there with in the hour. Now girl 2 is HOT don't get me wrong my X even knows I think that of her, x does too. But know why shape or form my type! My X was and will be the dream girl that got away! So we are playing pool and had a few games in with girl 2 and the flirting started from both sides. Then I got the hand accross the butt, no tap, slow from one side to the other I just got felt up grab. OK my now X is right over there one table over! I joked and laughed it off. Few minutes later I got the big one. Now remember this is her BESTFRIEND at this point my X would follow her around and kiss her butt. "If your women wasn't here tonight I would ……the hell out of you!! Wow nice was that the bar tender calling me, oh time for a shoot, got to go. I didn't finish the game, that's a big spin on the game and this batter could have hit a home run but ran. I was thinking "this cant be good" My X and her stayed at the bar and had to get the kids and go home. Much to my surprise this is when the talk about me started and I heard it the next day. Guess girl 2 didn't like getting blown off and guess had afew things about me to say. Well I didn't say much about it other then you should trust me and you wont even listen](*,)

Thank you both, Its just a mess, things are being said and done that are wrong and not true. Shes has built this wall of friends that of course back her and her feelings. But Im sure they have been a support for her but a male bashing nights out, or even pushing her to go out and just hook up to get back at me or over me. You all know how that goes! I guess to I went off the handle when writing the post above but the statements are true. I just wish for some light at the end of this tunnel but it doesn’t seem to be going that way. Now they went away for the week and have not talked to my daughter and of course cant call where they said they will be. NO happy thanksgiving hello! Then I just have this overwhelming regret that I was the one to cause all this. Even though in the grand scheme of things I was on the bad side of the relationship, I was the mistreated one you could say. Now again Im the one that has done nothing right the past 7 years or so. She just has never been able to talk about any problems with out fighting or over powering the conversation and not letting me talk back about it. It was always what she had to say and that’s that done. I haven’t been able to tell her why how or what I feel and what has really happened, she would believe me anyway if I had the chance to talk. Im sure if I got started id be cut off and she would tell it from the way she see’s it and not step out of her shoes and have aopen mind.

Spiraling down, why It has been months and I still feel hurt, loneliness and miss home. I have been trying to keep busy and try not to think of the relationship. Or lack there of! I feel worse as the days go by. Nights have been better but I think the holiday dragged me back down. Even though my X wouldn't come to my parents on the holidays of the past, we still had time together at some point in the day. She has a restraining order and I can call, I have to wait for her to call and put my 4 year old on the phone. I just want to go home! Id do anything to make that happen. Bad part, I know some older friends in their 50's and 60's and lost their love of their life 20 -30 years ago and still say that they should have done better back then a wish it never would have happen, them breaking up. They still miss these people and one still even gets choked up. I don't want to live my life with out the love of my life, its just not fair. She said she still loves me and have even talked to my parents and has said it to them. If she does why am I still here? I just cant stop thing of her and it never even takes a break. She thinks I have cheated on her and I did to a point. I was on the phone a lot with a old friend and she need some answer that portended to her child. Talk, yes I cheated. Wasnt any kind of bad talk, just talk. I still have the worst thoughts of her spending time with someone else, sex and so on. Her birthday has come and went, same goes for Halloween, thanksgiving and soon to be Christmas. I don't want to be left out. I want to be there for the cookies to Santa and put my little girl to bed, last year on the step's we put deer food out "crushed cookies" later I went out and use a marker to make hoof prints on the side walk. I wont have it this year and no matter what others say about I could just do it here another day. Its just not the same, not at all. I don't want to lose her and I don't want to move on, im waiting and think I always will. I have been out on a few dates and its makes me feel like Im doing some thing wrong. She hated my jeep and would always be upset with me tinkering with it all the time. After the split I haven't been able to do anything to it. I should have any bad feeling about this I have all the time in the world and she cant tell me not to work on it but I cant even whip it down thinking shes going to get upset. Now my motor is blown and its been sitting since, cant bring myself to it to pull the motor. How can I help to show that I wasn't cheating in that fashion? I'm so nutz over this and every little thing just points right back at me. I have a really hard time trusting people and have shown that in past actions to her. Always asking if there was someone else, later finding out there was but now that story is all shadowed and just not right. my daughter will say every now and then just to say sorry and mommy will let me come back home. Or mommy still loves you and miss's you. I cant take it anymore!

Dude, 11 come on! 4 years? I cant remember being 11 and eyeing up some girl And im not saying you haven’t! Rap that pickle bud, lust at 15 can get you in a lot of trouble!! Woodberry, Aust? downunder?

Ladies and Gentlemen: picking up girls Sad really but I have only been in two real relationships with a little bit of time in the middle of the time to date. Im not a cheater but have found that when in a relationship it easier to talk to that hot lady standing in line behind you. I'm out going but when it comes down to it I clam up. First time trying to grow some 8alls was at the bank a few weeks ago. A cute girl works there and all I could do was send my number in that capsule vacuum and ran.

Its like throwing a hot dog down a hallway!

Man I over looked the ages, was she your first too? If you are 21 now and 4 years put you at 16, most guys dont get lucky till that age. Are you sleeping with others the past 4 years? eye for a eye If I had cheated, which I had by phone. No phone sex, we just talked and I still got the boot! But if I cheated 'not saying u' and got away from it. which you never do cus karma is a bitc. If she didnt know and then she cheated on you. All you can say to that is ok, will it happen again. and say dont worry about it.

Man my X was like you, she pulled me from this bad path I was on and got me on the right tracks and I starting to go far. “she even told people and the couples shrink that she saved me and made me who I was today. I was so grateful. But one thing, the first time I heard that, I was wishing in that one little moment in time that I was a girl, CUS WOULD HAVE B!T( H SLAPPED HER. I really hope you don’t tell her that or anyone. You might have been there to hold a hand and to help her with school work and ways in life. Dude she got the grade, not you. I would have to guess you have even told her she wasn’t what she is today is because you made her. That is one of the most hurtful things that you could say, if that was said more then likely her soul has a big part thinking she didn’t do it, it’s a empty feeling. I’m trying to be a jack ‘donkey’ that hurts more then you know. Dude I met my X when I was a bike messenger in the city, I would have been happy doing that for life. We moved in together then it all started. Cut the hair, shave and then you need a better job. She helped me try it out but she wasn’t the main factor, I was. I got a job in a engineering firm and rebuilt atomizers. I found the job, I interviewed and got the job. I was there a year and didn’t like it. Well we split 6 months ago, gave me a lot of time to think, wait I wasn’t living my life. I was living hers. Let some air out of that thing above the neck and let go. I learned early in life about letting go of what you love, It might be months, years. Not the week to week thing you have been dealing with. Its going to ad more stress. When you were 18 did you think you were going to only be with one person for the rest of your life. Some get away with that, whole one love. She needs to go out hook up and find what she is looking for. She needs to taste all the ice cream scoop flavors on the cone.