Blue Eyes 44

Thank you to all who have replied already To answer some of your questions: After I told my bf how upset I was with everything, he asked me if I would like to come with him when he volunteers one weekend, but I said no for a number of reasons. First of all I do not want to sleep in a room with numerous people (they are like rooms in a hostel) and he would be off doing his patrolling all day long while I am left to either ski alone (which I don't like all that much) or something else (and there are limited things to do on a small ski hill where I don't really know anyone). I also felt like it was a pity invite. Yes, I have tried to call and text him numerous times when he is away but he never responds to his texts (he always says he didn't get it or some other excuse) and he never answers his cell phone (he is not good with cell phones). He also says that he does not get cell reception up on the mountain I get along very well with his friends, actually. To be honest though, he doesn't really have many friends....when we hang out with other people it is almost always with my friends or his family (who he is very close to). I would also like to say that while it may seem to some that he is someone who is only in the relationship for his own sexual needs, etc. I completely disagree with this, as I am the one who wants sex more than he does and it seems like he would be fine going for awhile without it, while I am not okay with this at all. In fact, this is one thing that bothers me with our leftover time: we are both so tired that we don't have much energy for intimacy. Also, when I only spend a small amount of time with him, it is hard to enjoy the time I spend with him because I am always thinking about how I won't see him again for a long time and this makes me sad and also a little bitter. Yes, I realize that the ski season is only temporary, but it is also something that happens every year and I don't think I'm okay with this happening every year....it just hurts too much. I have seriously been considering looking into teaching overseas so I can become a more independent person and not have to feel this way anymore....I guess I think this would make him miss me instead of me always missing him (not to mention it would be an amazing professional and personal opportunity!). This may seem a little drastic, but I have always thought about doing this even before I started dating my bf and now seems like the perfect opportunity. I think I might miss him though....

It depends on the snow, but the ski season will probably last until the end of March/early April. No, he is not really much of a phone caller either. He never has been. He never emails or texts me, and will call me maybe every second day. He does not call me or any kind of contact (email/text) when he is gone away on his ski patrolling weekends. So, basically he does not make me feel very special. I sort of feel like I just get his "leftover time" - whatever time he has left over in his busy schedule. In fact, lately I find myself thinking of ways to make myself even busier than I am so that I won't be as available to him....but then if I did this we would NEVER see each other :S Yes, he thought this would come up but he never had any solutions to the problem either. He just said something like, "I don't know what to say." What the heck is that supposed to mean? It seems like he was just hoping I wouldn't say anything and would just be okay with it, which I am not. I am almost thinking that I need some time away from him to think about things.....

Hey Everyone, My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for 14 months now and most things are going really well. However, I have started feeling very sad lately because he is making himself unavailable a lot. He works full time, takes night school 3 nights a week, and also does volunteer ski patrol every second weekend for the entire weekend (which I have posted about previously). thereforeeee, he is understandably busy and I respect that. However, I also want to spend time with him on the days he is not busy. We usually see each other Wednesday nights after he's off school and I'm off work, which is really late (so we basically just sleep together - he spends the night). Thursday evenings are basically our days during the week that we see each other because he doesn't have school and I don't have work. This is nice, but we are usually both so tired by Thursday evenings that it's not the greatest quality time spent together and we're usually too tired to be intimate with each other (which I really miss :S). thereforeeee, since we don't see each other that much during the week I really look forward to and value our weekends together (every second weekend when he's not away ski patrolling). But just recently he has told me that he has planned 2 ski trips with friends during 2 of his off weekends (and during the week - thus taking up our Weds and Thurs evenings as well as our weekends together). Basically this will be 5 weekends in a row that he is unavailable (except for a weekend in there when a lot of us are going on holiday). Understandably, I am very upset. I do want him to spend time with his friends, who he doesn't get to see too often but I also want to spend time with him. I talked to him last night about how I am feeling and he didn't really say a whole lot...just that he thought this would come up eventually. I feel very sad and very much like his last priority right now. He spends a LOT more time skiing/snowboarding than with me. I don't know what to do...I have tried talking to him but he didn't say much, he didn't even say that he will miss me or anything like that. I am very sad and have spent much of today crying and doing a lot of thinking. Any advice or comments would be very much appreciated. Thank you for reading my post.

Hey Everyone, I have a question that I'm sure has already been asked on here numerous times but I would like to get some answers from others to compare my situation to others. I am wondering how often you call/text/e-mail your SO when you are unable to see them? My bf and I have been together for just over a year and we do not see each other very often as we are both busy with work (I have 2 jobs) or work and school (he works full time and goes to school part time. He also volunteers every second weekend so he's gone all weekend every second weeekend). thereforeeee, I would like to talk to him on the phone on the days that we do not see each other. However, it is the norm for us to go about 2 days without talking at all (no calls, no emails, no texts). I do not like this and it has really been bothering me lately. With all of my other ex boyfriends we talked on the phone everyday and I really looked forward to talking to them. However, with my current bf we do not. We have sort of discussed this before where I told him that I am used to talking to my bfs everyday but he said he used to talk to his ex gf maybe 2-3 times a week! I am not satisfied with this and I am constantly dropping hints about how nice it would be to talk more, even if just to say, "Hi, How are you?" You are probably wondering why I don't just call or text him myself. Well, I used to text him all the time but I would not get a reply so I stopped sending them. Also, I do call him from time to time but I guess I do not want to seem needy since he obviously does not see a need to talk all the time. It just bothers me so much that he does not even consider my opinion and feelings in all of this. After our conversation about how often we talked to our previous SO's it just seemed like what he said was how it was going to be. When we don't talk for days I feel so disconnected from him and I hate feeling that way. I don't feel like a priority to him if he can't even find 5 minutes in his day to call and say hi or email and say hi. This is something that really bothers me and he is the type of person to be very oblivious to things so I'm sure he has no idea that this bothers me despite my numerous hints and my outright statements from time to time explaining my feelings. Thank you for reading this and I look forward to hearing any advice or answers from anyone! Thanks

No we do not live together. And yes, I DID REMIND him of my birthday AND our anniversary on numerous occasions!! Unless he is so self-absorbed or extremely forgetful, there is no way he can claim ignorance about either occasion. I guess it also makes me feel like when we are apart he does not think of me too often. Because if he did would things like my birthday or our anniversary not come to mind? I know that I always think about him when we are apart. But, in the case of our anniversary, it was not that he forgot about it entirely, he just did not buy me a present or even get me a card.

Thanks all who have offered their advice so far. Yes, there are other things in the relationship that worry me from time to time. It's mostly just little things but they worry me nonetheless. For example, I will often text message my bf and will not receive a reply from him...in fact he does not even acknowledge the message with a thank you or even a "I got your text today." It's almost as if it didn't even happen. Sometimes this same thing happens with me calling him and him not returning my call. I guess I just feel like maybe I put a lot more into this relationship than he does and I am really sad about that. I do not feel that appreciated or special to him. Many of you asked me what he does to make me feel special or appreciated and I can't think of many things...he does not call or text me that often, he sometimes does sweet things like heat my car up before work, but these sweet things are usually few and far between. I usually have a good time with him when I am feeling that things between us are good because he is a lot of fun. But lately I have not been feeling that happy even when I am with him. And to make matters worse, he really is clueless. He has no idea if I am ever upset or sad or mad...he has absolutely no idea....I bet he even has no idea that I am upset about this weekend...

Just for the record - I did remind him of the date...probably bi-weekly over the last month because I know how forgetful he can be. I even made him write it on his calendar in his bedroom. So, he can not claim ignorance on this one. He was well aware of the date and the siginificance of the day. And also for the record, for my birthday he also had it written on his calendar and we talked about what we were going to do on my birthday only TWO days before. However, he still managed to forget that one.

I would also like to add that although he says he loves me and I do believe it...this is not the first failure on his part. In August he forgot my birthday and last month he forgot another special occasion. Needless to say, he does not have a great track record and each time something happens I feel worse and worse and have more and more doubts. I understand that some people have bad memories...but this is only our first year together and don't people try to impress each other in the first year? If we stay together, I worry what he will forget in 1 or 2 years down the road..... I just don't feel that special to him I guess....

Hello All. I was hoping to get some feedback and opinions on something that happened to me this weekend. Thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to read my post and respond. I really appreciate getting outside advice Well yesterday was my boyfriend and my one year anniversary. We spent the whole day together - went out for lunch and a really nice dinner. We also went to a really nice local park and looked at Christmas displays and lights, etc. We split the cost of everything all day long since we are both somewhat low on funds lately. Anyway, prior to our anniversary we never discussed presents or anything like that but I just assumed we would get each other something (even if it was homemade). So I made my boyfriend a very special, personal gift. I decorated this tin with pictures of us over the past year and inside it was 365 pieces of paper. Each paper had one reason why I love him - 1 for every day of the past year. I did it because I thought he would like it. Anyway, he did not get me anything - not even a card. It wasn't that he forgot about our anniversary...he just didn't get me anything. On the way home last night he said that he felt bad for not getting me something. He also said that he wanted his "gift to me" to be a nice, fun day full of things that I would like. He said that he was disappointed that some of the things he wanted to do did not work out because of time conflicts, etc. He wanted to take me to a Christmas play that he knew I would like since I like plays but we couldn't make it because of our dinner reservation. However, this is very sweet but he did not even look into the play until the day before our anniversary so it was a little late to change our reservation since the restaurant is always packed on Saturday nights. Anyway, to make a long story short: he did not get me anything, not even a card. I spend hours and hours making his present and when I gave it to him I wasn't even excited about giving it to him because of how I was feeling. Needless to say, I do not feel happy. I feel really disappointed and sad in how our anniversary turned out and I do not feel that he appreciates me in the way I deserve to be appreciated. I understand that everyone shows their appreciation in different ways, but come on, he didn't even get me a simple card. He says he still wants to take me to this Christmas play but I feel like it's too little too late. I would appreciate any feedback on this situation. Thanks a lot.

I see my boyfriend of almost a year 2-3 times a week on average. We usually see each other once or twice during the week and then for at least half of the weekend usually. We are both busy people so we do not see each other everyday. I work two jobs and he works and goes to school so we can get pretty busy sometimes. We usually do not talk every day either. I'd say during the times of the week that we don't see each other we talk approximately every second day and occasionally text each other. With my ex boyfriends, when we were together, I usually talked to them every day on the phone but did not see each other as much since we lived farther apart (about 1-2 times per week). I hope this helps!

First of all, thank you to everyone who took the time to read my post and respond to it so far. I appreciate it. Now, yes I do have other friends besides my boyfriend, but like most people my age, they are often busy with work, school, friends and significant others. thereforeeee, I do not get to see them as often as I would like to either. Don't get my wrong - I completely support the fact that my boyfriend is in ski patrol and has so much passion for what he does. I think this is a very admirable quality and the fact that he does volunteer his time for a valuable cause makes me love him even more. However, what I do not like is the fact that he would rather choose to spend so much of his time away from home and away from me when he has the option to choose the closer mountain. I guess I just am not feeling that important to him or like much of a priority in his life. This hurts me because he is a very important part of my life and I make seeing him a priority. I never said that I was "afraid" of being alone - I said that I hate being alone. I don't think many people do enjoy being alone that much; short periods of alone time, yes, but generally I don't think people enjoy being alone that much. I guess I just prefer being around people so I can feel connected to other people. Is that such a bad thing? I don't think it is.

Actually it is not only once a month, it is EVERY second weekend (so at least 2 weekends per month!). If it was only once per month then it would be no big deal at all. However, I think that every second weekend is a lot of time to spend away from someone that you love and love spending time with. I think that I could continue with this relationship even if he is gone every second weekend, although I know it would take its toll on the relationship. Even now, a month before it starts I feel sad and hurt and am dreading the start of it. And, I'm not sure why but I already feel like I am somewhat pulling away from him because I am afraid of getting really hurt when he goes away so often. I hate being alone and just thinking of him leaving me like that makes me really sad and somewhat confused and angry towards him. Things just don't really feel the same to me anymore and he doesn't even seem to realize this.

Hello Everyone, I just registered with eNotAlone today so this is my very first post. I have been with my boyfriend for 11 months now. I am 23 and he is 25. We are both very busy people with work, school, and other commitments so we don't see each other as much as I would like to during the week (on average once or twice). thereforeeee, weekends are when we spend the most time with each other. Usually we see each other for at least half of the weekend, if not all of it. Anyway, my boyfriend has joined a volunteer organization that does first aid on ski hills. Not only is he able to practice his first aid and help people, but he also gets a free season's pass at 3 different ski hills in our area. The commitment involves doing first aid at a ski hill every second weekend throughout the entire ski season (which is from about early or mid December until end of March or April). The thing that is bothering me is that he has a choice of which of the 3 different mountains he would like to commit to - one of which is only about an hour away from where we live and would only require him to drive there in the mornings and drive home in the late afternoons, thereforeeee not being away for the entire weekend. The other 2 mountains would require him to be gone the entire weekend from Friday night until Sunday night (both mountains are about 2-3 hours away). He has basically told me that he would prefer to go to one of the mountains that is 2-3 hours away which means he would be gone every second weekend for about 5 months! The thing that really bothers me is that he is choosing to go to this mountain when he has the choice to go to the closer mountain and thereforeeee stay closer to home. I feel really hurt and sad that he would choose snowboarding and volunteering over me and our relationship. I have tried talking to him about it but he is usually so dismissive about it so I end up feeling like I am being stupid, selfish and silly. I finally got him to talk about it a little bit last weekend and he told me that he loves me and even if we are not together he will still love me. He also said that any time we are apart for a weekend or any other amount of time, he misses me. That made me feel a little better but I still feel like he does not care about me as much as I care about him and our relationship. The ski season hasn't even started yet and already I feel sad and am dreading it. Every time he gets excited and says that the ski season is starting soon I just feel sick inside and am not looking forward to it. I really don't think he understands how much this is bothering me or how much this hurts me. Not once has he ever asked me my opinion about which mountatin he should go to. I wonder sometimes if he ever considers my feelings about this and other similar situations... Anyway, I don't know what to do about this. If he goes away every second weekend we will see each other a lot less than we do now and thereforeeee, I don't know how we can grow closer. I don't know if I am being selfish or if I am being reasonable about this. What does everyone else think? I would really appreciate any advice on this issue. Thank you very much for taking the time to read my post. I'm sorry it is so long!