afrodite79

Aww. Thanks.

wow. I agree with everything you said. People who haven't been through it seriously can't even fathom what it's like. They can't wrap their heads around not being able to get out of bed for weeks at a time, not being able to eat. The only people I know who can clearly understand are people who've been through it. Just last night my friend who's bi polar was getting lectured by her friend and she was trying to explain why she is the way she is. The friend just couldn't understand but I knew exactly what she was talking about because I've experienced the same thing. People think we're lazy and don't realize that everyday for us is a struggle. Doing regular everyday things like getting out of bed, taking a shower or leaving the house is a daunting task. I think most people with depression appreciate the good things that they have in their life but that isn't going to make everyone just magically snap out of it. I know my life isn't horrible and that I'm loved but there are still so many days when I just wish the pain would stop. I agree that depression coexists with empathy. Just because you're depressed doesn't mean that you stop caring about others.

HAHA! I'm going to use that one. Thanks.

Dil, This is a great topic. I saw some of the comments on another thread and it angered me the way people are responding to the OP. I agree with all the points you posted. Saying or doing those things to someone in serious pain is totally counterproductive.

It's not always that simple. That might work for some. Some people are depressed about actual things going on in their lives that can be resolved. Others have mental disorders that are brain imbalances that can really only be helped with therapy and/or meds. They really have no control over their moods without professional help. That's how my depression is. It just hits without warning and is hard to get out of without help. Sometimes it lasts for weeks or months. For some people it lasts for years, It only got better when i had a good therapist or counselor and meds. Most people who are depressed know that other people live harder lives. It's not always about feeling that your life is way worse than everyone's in the world.

You could try it but i think it's a crapshoot trying to meet people to date on there. I met my ex on there. I wasn't looking for someone to date but just ran accross his profile and told him I thought he was cute. A lot of people are just collecting friends just to seem popular. I don't see the point of having 3000 people on your friends list are you only know and have talked to maybe 3 or 4 of them. Then there are a lot of the "hot" girls on there who have porn sites or are "models". They just want to get guys to go to their porn/modeling sites to make money. Some others just crave attention. I think you'd probably have better luck going to a real dating site. You can try link removed. I don't know how good it is but it's free.

I was just browsing through the forms but when i saw this comment i had to comment. I think you should keep the crazy racial stereotypes out of the discussion and saying that you aren't trying to be offensive doesn't make it okay. It is offensive. I think we should leave the myths of black people as being hypersexualized with bigger genitals in the past.

I had an ex attempt to rape me the last time i was with him. We were going to have sex. He wanted to have sex without a condom and I said no and told him to put on a condom. He proceeds to hold me down with all his weight and try to enter me. I was kicking and fighting and saying no. I screamed for him to stop it and that i stopped fighting if he put a condom on. i guess he figured i wouldn't stop fighting him so he stops and puts a condom on. I didn't feel horrible about it or think of it as attemted rape at that moment. I was just very angry that he'd do that. About a month later I thought about it and realized what he tired to do and i felt horrible. I hated myself. I felt like a wh*** and like i must have been worthless for him to do something like that to me. I self harmed and was in a deep depression. I felt like i had no business feeling bad since he didn't rape me and i had sex with him anyway after he stopped and put a condom on. I felt like i deserved it. I told my best friend and she was enraged and wanted to kill him. I told my mom and she told me i was stupid for being over there with him. I even posted about it on here and someone said that it wasn't that bad since i didn't get something i wasn't already over there for. I just felt more like i deserved it. Now the thought of having sex agian makes me sick. I don't want to have anything to do with men in any way that could become sexual because i don't want to be hurt again and be told it's my fault. I don't want to make a mistake and end up feeling stupid again. I feel so ashamed about the whole thing and he didn't even accomplish raping me.

I think masochist is the word you're looking for. I agree with you. I think that most girls if they had the choice of two guys interested in them they'd pick the nice sweet guy. A lot of jerks hide who they are and their true personaity doesn't come out until later. Some are really manipulative. I've been with jerks but they didn't come off as jerks when i first met them. It wasn't like "Wow this guy is a total a**h***. That is sooooooo hot." The whole girls don't like nice guys thing is crap. I have guy friends who are really truly good people but they are just shy when it comes to asking girls out. All but one of them have a girlfriend now. Then there are guys who are "nice guys" who talk about how nice they are and how girls only date jerks. After my ex I steer clear of guys who talk about how girls don't like them because they're nice. Like my ex, some of those guys think they're nice just because they aren't physically abusive, don't cheat and pay for dates. They're usually abusive in other ways that they don't see as abuse because they aren't hitting you. I 've met so called nice guys who feel entitled to any woman they want just because they feel like they're nice and a great catch. One guy pulled that nice guy crap on me and told me that i was stupid for not wanting him becuase he was such a great catch. Some are angry and talk about how girls don't like them because they're nice but they're really mad because the really hot girls aren't into them. My friend feels the same way about this and she stopped talking to a guy who kept referring to himself as "a nice guy". A agree that a guy who is way too passive sucks. I'd need a guy who was really nice, sweet guy but had a little pinch of jerk in him to enjoy my sarcasm.

I had an ex who had a saltwater fishtank that he spend most of his time maintaining. He'd spend all day maintaining it and researching stuff on the internet about it. He'd sit and just watch the snails, fish shrimp and sponges. We'd go spend hours in the fish store with him talking to the guy about fish, plants and other stuff. thought the tank was awesome and interesting but sometimes i really felt neglected because I'd get to sit and watch him mess with the tank for hours. He'd ask me to come over (we only saw each other on the weekends) and he'd spend all this time with the tank. That sucked. I remember asking him if he had to choose the tank or a girl. He said he'd choose the tank. I would have never made him get rid of the tank but that said a lot about how much he loved it. I ended up breaking up with him for other reasons but i get the feeling that if we'd stayed together it would have been a problem. I think if you already know someone has a pet or hobby that they really love and consumes most of their time that you shouldn't tell them to get rid of it. I'm a pet person and i'd be extremely angry if someone i was with who already knew how much i loved my pet/s told me to get rid of them.

When i read your post it felt like i'd writen it myself. I feel exactly the way you do a lot. I had a friend at my old job who I was extremely jealous of. She was just such an amzing person in every way. I'd feel like crap being around her and i hated myself. I'm still working on my feelings so i don't really have any advice. I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone with how you're feeling.

I was wondering the same thing. Why the heck do you need to know that? I don't talk about who i think is hot with BFs or even my guy friends unless they ask. That's something i talk to other women (or gay guy friends) about. I don't think what he said was extremely bad he just sounds really immature. He knows how you feel about that kind of thing so he could have just kept his comments to himself. It's not that hard. Men will never understand why some women are so insecure. They aren't under the same amount of pressure to be physically attractive. For women in our society it seems like our worth isn't based on character or achievements. It's based on looks and how beautiful and sexually attractive we are to men. It sucks and the ideal is totally unattainable to 99% or women.

I think that going out to a local bar or restaurant alone is a good idea. If you can do it on a business trip then it should be way easier to do it in your home town. When i got tired of waiting for friends to make up their mind or when they weren't available i started going out alone. I loved it. I met a lot of people and had a lot of fun that way. I walked into the bar down the street from my place a month or so ago and now everyone there knows me and it's my local bar. I'm not a social butterfly in the least. I'm quiet and a loner and going out alone has been a pretty great expience. It's liberating to know that you can go out whenever you want and have a nice time without depending on what your friends' plans are.

I know exaclty how you feel. It's really hard for me to learn to love and respect myself when Ive made so many mistakes in the past. I keep thinking back on things that happened with the men i dealt with and it makes me hate myself. I wonder if i deserved it. All i feel is shame and hate for myself. It makes me wonder if i can trust myself to choose a man who's actualy a good person. It makes me wonder if i'm even good enough for a good man at all. At least I feel like I've learned from those mistakes. I'm still a little too scared to get back out there for a while though.

You sound a lot like me. I've always been a loner though. I'm an only child and I never had many friends until the last couple of years. The only close friend i had for a long time was my best friend. I never felt bad about liking to be alone until i started working my recent job. It seems like everyone in so social all the time. They chat with people all day. They always need someone to go to lunch with. My two friends get bummed when they have to take the bus home alone. I actually pay extra to take regional rail so i can be alone for half my commute. I love being cool with doing things alone. I don't feel like having to be "on" all the time. At lunch when it's warm i would go and sit out in the parking lot with a book and eat my lunch. Now that it's cold i'll wait until everyone already went to lunch to go either take a nap in the cafeteria or to sit and eat quietly and read the paper. I really enjoy my alone time. I go out alone a lot too and have a good time. I could just get up and go whenever the mood struck me without having to deal with other peoples schedules or other issues. I meet cool people and don't have to worry about what everyone else wants to do like when i go out with a group. If i go out with friends I prefer to go out with no more than one or two people. When it's warm i like to go out and do things by myself like take walks, go to the museum or the library. I used to go to the park and people watch almost every day just to clear my head. It's great. When people say "Oh that's sad. Don't you have any friends?" I tell them that it's not sad and that yeah i have friends but sometimes i just don't feel like being bothered. I feel like there's a lot of pressure on people to hang out in groups all the time. People seem to see people who like to do things alone as freaks or antisocial.