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bms85

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  • Birthday 02/24/1985

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  1. One of my best friends and his wife are in a situation similar to this. They are both open to having sex with other people. Her best friend sleeps with both of them, in fact the day before they got married his wife slept with one of her ex boyfriends. This is not something I could do as I would get jealous very fast. And though I could have sex with either of them and it wouldn't phase the other I choose not to, one because I'm straight and two because it would make me feel awkward. Their philosophy is love and sex are two separate entities and should be treated as such. Love is the more important of the two so why worry or be jealous when you hold their heart. And if sex is only a feeling would you freak out if your boyfriend hugged a friend goodbye. To them its just not a big deal, so if your in a similar situation and clearly you already don't find it awkward I say why not. Your friends will still be your friends if you get some on the side, and being familiar with these relationships I know it's not going to ruin their relationship. So I say if YOUR ok with it than why not
  2. I can try to understand where you are coming from but have never had this problem. I too would want to know what is out there if I had only been with a couple girls. But having lost count when I was 16 (long story short I met a nymph at 13) I can tell you if your looking for the excitement of one night stands or no strings attached sex, its very short lived and wont keep you happy long. Sex is always better when you love your partner. Before you go betraying anyone’s trust knowing you will feel guilty maybe you should try explaining your situation to your current girlfriend and tell her you really do need a break. Part on good terms so once you realize it wasn’t worth it you have a slight chance of coming back to her
  3. Speaking from experience, I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years and we have only had sex once in the last year. I have gotten really good at resisting temptation. I manage not to by a genuine concern for her feelings, by avoiding a situation where I would be compelled to flirt i.e. when out with friends I make it clear I’m not interested in any potential temptations by throwing in a quick my girlfriend… that should throw off most level headed girls. There’s times when I really want to fall to temptations (once in a year sucks) but I have gotten good at resisting, having a girl I’ve known come up to me butt naked at a party once and tell me to do her there, I pushed her away and left. One thing I can’t stand is dishonesty if you have to have someone else at least explain why to your girlfriend why you want another girl. But chances are talking to her about spicing up your relationship might do the trick. MY ADVICE… stay away from flirting and all other temptation for that matter.
  4. Thanks everyone for your help with this. I really needed some help sorting through all of this. It's really tough for me I never even thought I wanted to get married now here I am scared to loose the girl I want to be with. I'm sad now because she didn't call me at lunch today, this is unusual since I have a web design & hosting company I work from home. She usually calls me every day; if I'm this attached I don't even want to think of what it will feel like if I loose her.
  5. Yeah that’s what I’m scared of, I really cant express enough how much I love her and I know she loves me. I guess I have to just admit to myself its out of my control. Do you think its wrong to post an ultimatum; lets get professional help or split?
  6. Alright I see your point now I guess I just want to deny it she is such a great girl in every other way. I guess I feel like she is scared of getting hurt because I'm trying to make up reasons to explain why she doesn't want to talk to me about these things. I'm so confused and I'm terrified of loosing her. Also, I don't want to accept the fact that it's possible we just aren't compatible sexually. I mean there's a million reasons why we should be together and a few why we are on the rocks. If I don't try to talk to her about romance things are perfect she rock climbs with me, hikes, parties, cuddles, we laugh joke and have a great time. I get lots of hugs just no kisses.
  7. Speaking from experience; I was diagnosed with ADD numerous times, and have took medication to try to "fix' my "problem" all I have found out is medicine made me feel like a zombie. It was really hard to have fun while medicated for ADD. So I refused to take it once I realized it was the medication doing this to me. My mom tried to make me take it but eventually realized forcing it on me got us no where. Personally I think ADD in most cases is just to sell lots of drugs. I hated school I couldn't concentrate at all, but I'm doing good now without the medication. I'm 21 years old have my own web hosting company and am working to buy my first rental property. In my opinion your son is going to make his own path no matter what you do. Just feel things out if you do decide to medicate him please remember not to assume because his grades improve everything is ok. The suicide rate almost triples for teens on medication. Sacrificing emotions for grades will get him no where. I don't mean to scare you I just feel this can be dangerouse.
  8. I really don’t think she is being dishonest; I just get confused because she is so good at hiding emotions. Her parents are divorced and her mother clearly favored her younger sister while growing up, I know she has deep rooted issues. I think she is just scared of getting hurt I feel like there is something she doesn’t want to tell me but she insists everything is fine. I really feel trapped and frustrated now. I have been around and been in love before, I never thought I would find someone I love more than my first love but she has blown my first love away .I could go on for days about all the reasons I love her its just these few big issues it would be a shame for us to not be able to move past this. But your point of the lack of effort to address this really does make me feel resentment which I in turn feel guilty for.
  9. Hey sorry but I haven’t read all the other posts I’m trying to keep up in my own thread too, this one just caught my attention. May I suggest talking to her about taking some time apart to prove to each other what you have is one of a kind? Being your first love you might not know you’re in love until you loose her.
  10. VeganBohemian, (sorry it took me so long to answer your question im having trouble keeping up you are all very helpfull and really fast about it) yes I have asked her once or twice if she had ever been raped or molested and I ask her routinely why she won't kiss me passionately she doesn't give me a solid answer; usually a that one is good enough. She has had about four or five previous boyfriends. As for expressing my feelings of hurt, I often tell her when something hurts me. I usually get called a drama king, and she moves on. I have asked her just about all the questions I find reasonable and I always feel like she has an answer that just says this isn't important. I also realize this has nothing to do with me and she has told me this multiple times. As for asking her "Ask her how she feels when you have sex, kiss, etc. Why doesn't she like to do it? How does it make her feel?" I tried this approach first. And I always get one of two results either she takes offence or defense. Leading me to believe it is a serious issue it is this detail that keeps me here; what kind man would I be if I didn't stick by her side and help her with her problems. But since she is unwilling to talk to me about it I don't what to do, she turned down my request for couples therapy . Texami, thanks you have brought up a few questions I haven't asked. I always assume she just feels this is normal by her response, I think I will ask her these questions tonight. My parents always said assuming only makes an * * * out of U and Me get it assume lol. Scout, I assure you I have tried every approach I have thought of to try to talk to her about this, she is shutting me off to getting any real answers and lately it is getting really hard for me to talk to her because her blow me off answers are angering me. Which I understand will get me know where but alone. I do love her a great deal which is why I am still attempting to sort this out but it's hard because I'm trying to figure it out with very little support for her.
  11. Dako, yeah I think I’m already starting to feel small amounts of resentment stemming from her pressure to marry knowing I truly can not unless I know things will go smooth. Scout, no I haven’t flat out asked if she is gay because I feel if she is she doesn’t even know it herself. I have told her I don’t even feel like her boyfriend this hurt her deeply; she cried and said that best friends (or brothers & sisters but I used best friends) don’t kiss, which maybe a couple times a month she will give me a decent kiss. Usually when I try to kiss her passionately she just keeps her lips in the peck formation. If I ask her for a real kiss she says that was. What bothers me the most is she finds this reasonable.
  12. Texami, this might be the hardest part for me; when I come on to her she just won’t return my kiss or will back away. It’s almost painful for me because I have never had problems with the ladies and the first time I was rejected for a kiss was by my current girlfriend a few months into our relationship. And since then I have been rejected more times than I can count. Not to come off as overconfident I have never got complaints I have always taken the time to sense that my partner is into it I would kiss their neck the usual foreplay type stuff I had always gotten the; you really know how to please a woman, even from one night stands. With my current girlfriend if I were to start kissing her neck she would just sit there & continue to watch TV making it painfully obvious she isn’t interested. I also kind of feel that this loss of confidence is affecting other aspects of my life which is why I am here trying to gather the strength to make an educated decision. Scout, I too have thrown the idea of her possibly being gay, or even asexual but if she is she is doing a good job of covering it up. She tells me she doesn’t have a low libido and she is interested in having sex, but always has reasons for not wanting to. E.g. tired, hungry, has to go to the bathroom, or the most commonly used; I don’t feel like it right now. Which goes against all my experience; if you want it you get it its not hard to get me going . Dako, yeah I too feel something is conflicting her being 24 and uninterested but she sees it as nothing to be concerned about, or at least that’s what she lets on
  13. Yeah it has pretty much always been kind of slow; at first I thought maybe it was just that I like sex to much since my other girlfriends before her wanted it all the time. I just get very confused because she really is a great girl but there is defiantly nothing that has changed except it went from six times the first year to once the second. I'm trying to hold out as long as my body will let me she really is far more important to me than sex. On the other side I can't go about my life feeling tempted by every girl I come accross it's not fair to me or her. Dako I'm scared i will end up like your friends
  14. Hey everyone I hope its not considered rude to post a problem for your second post but honestly it's the reason I searched for these forums. Well to start I guess I could give you a little background about myself; I'm a 21 year old guy who has seen and been through a lot. I've explored the everglades, some jungle, and climbed mountains. I lost three of my best friends growing up two in accidents and one to suicide. After the deaths of these friends I thought would be "friends for life" I got heavy into drugs and overdosed on acid and coke. This was probably the best thing that could have happened to me because I pulled my life back together after reality set in. Now I'm telling you this not because I want anyone to feel bad for me, I accept my past and I know there are a lot of people with far more traumatizing childhoods but I'm hoping to establish grounds for a few of my insecurities. Alright my girlfriend (24 years old) and I have been together for two years now, she truly is the greatest girl I have ever met having all the qualities you would want in a life long partner. She might be the only girl I have met to date I trust completely she could party all week with a bunch of guys and it wouldn't worry me in the least. I know she would never cheat on me and I know she isn't cheating on me now because I see her literally every day. There's only been a collective two weeks I haven't seen her since I met her more than two years ago. We are like best friends and we just don't get sick of each other and still love hanging out every day after we get home from work, and our currently saving for a house. Which leads to the problem… our sex life; we have been together two years and I can count the number of times we have had sex on my fingers. In the last year we have had sex once. Now some of you ladies out there like my girlfriend might not think this is a big deal but to me it's huge. I can not marry someone who does not satisfy me sexually with the number of divorces in today's society I take marriage very seriously I don't want to end up a statistic. I'm not trying to rush into a marriage I know will lead to me being a walking hard on. She is putting a lot of stress on letting me know she wants a diamond ring in the near future. I have explained to her that our sex life is an issue and I can't marry knowing that I would feel constantly tempted; recently I even offered to pay for us to go see a couple's therapist to see if the added help could bring us to a conclusion. Now we are at the point where I have explained the problem to her months ago and she just blows it off as if sex is nothing and I shouldn't get upset about not having it for periods of up to nine months. This lack or concern is really frustrating especially since I have explained how serious this is to me. Now I am to the point I feel I have to make a decision because I can't stay in a relationship I feel is on hold while she ignores my pleas. My only idea is to give her an ultimatum; either go to couples therapy with me or I'm going to have to break this off. To me just the thought of loosing her crushes me But I'm 21 years old shouldn't I be enjoying my sexual prime. I had far more sex being single. Sorry for the novel, but any help would be appreciated I'm very confused and truly feel alone since she wont acknowledge the problem and I have no one left alive I feel comfortable enough to talk to about this so thanks in advance for any and all help.
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