Hello I hope all the people out there who have been hurted by people like me don't hate me because of what I've done. Believe me I hate myself enough for you and me.
Last month I broke up with my girlfriend whom which I had been for two years and three months. Everything came down so fast and I became a very bad person. At a point I started not caring about her and having my own life and all she did was give me everything I needed. After we broke up she went her way and I went my way. At the beginning I didn't realize all the shit I had given to her and the way I had hurt her feelings because at the moment I had a lot of things going down in my life and I couldn't see things straight but now I've made an introspective and for one month and a half I have been everything I disliked from the new me and I changed every part of me that used to hurt her and discovered the original part of me that has always loved her up to the point of asking her to marry me a year ago. Now I come to her trying to make it up to her and showing her the new me, but eventhough I give my whole to her the only thing I receive is frustration and failure because now I know that I have lost her and this is too much for me. We had a fight like this before and she gave me a oportunitty but still I messed it up because I hadn't realize the things like I have now but now she isn't willing to risk it one more time eventhough we had something nobody else has. Who could blame her right? But the thing is that this is destroying me, because I cannot find a way to forgive myself for doing this to her, to me and to out relationship. I've changed my whole life but I realize it's TOO late!!!
The only thing left is to find the way to forget about her, just like she has done with me, that way I don't feel the way I am feeling, I just can't live like this. It's killing me little by little, and it's bad enough to know what I did, but it's worse to have to live exactly the things that I did to her but through me, because eventhough she doesn't realize that she is doing the exact same thing I did to her two months ago to me now! And I just don't know what to do, I know some of the people here are suffering because of guys like me, but believe me at some point we realize what we did and we pay what we did to you only we also pay interests for having done those things. I just want to be back with her or die.
Thanks in advance for having read this, it's really important for me.
