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newvenus

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  1. I think she's just checking your temperature. I agree with lady00... if you want any results out of your response.... be cool about the email and just say something to the effect of... "oh.. thanks. Hope you're doing well" and leave at that. I will really get the job done. I broke up with my boyfriend last week. This morning I sent him a looooong email explaining a few things.... at that point I didn't care or think about his response.... I was feeling too good about my email. When his reply cameback with just an "Okay", I went out of my mind. I've called him several times and sent him several emails ... why? because I wasn't expecting that cold response. Do it... you'll see what happens next. Good luck
  2. I wasn't sure where to post this so hopefully someone can 'insert' my post in the right place. There has been a lot of talk in this forum about significant others having a personality disorder. I have (or had) this problem until a few days ago. Have I been naive about this subject altogether???? Absolutely! I read a book online "Malignant Self-Love" and feel like I've been in a relationship with an alien..... he's not human! I don't want to offend anyone here, but based on my experience and what I know about my ex, he can't possibly be of this world. Has anyone in this forum read the book or has been in a relationship with an NPD/HPD? If so, I would love to chat with you. This is not a joke ... this is a real condition that affects many, including the victims (me). Please respond soon. Thank you.
  3. I know ladyspirit. I have gone through so much with him already.... he ran over me and I didn't even noticed. At first, I thought he had commitment issues, then I thought I was the one with the issues... After so much research, I've realized that he's a manipulator --- sucking the energy out of me. After I read the many researches posted on the internet... wow..wow.... I guess you have to experience it yourself to really know what 'we' have gone through. I'm out for good! I hope she takes the advice wisely as I wouldn't see anyone else in my life get sucked into a situation like that..... they're the biggest manipulators in the world. Wow...wow!
  4. We only only got engaged two weeks ago. As soon as he proposed, he had a panic attack (I was ready for it!). The weird thing is that I never asked him to propose. I honestly think he really wants to take that step -- but emotionally he's unable to cope with such a big decision. After I read the book, I realized that he doesn't have any emotions... he's unable to love (a conscious decision on his part according to the book). I comfronted him about it and his response was "I want to love someday but I just don't think I can". He's a good kid though. I would never want to marry someone like that. The beginning of our relationship was great... the middle was terrible... and the end is coming.
  5. If in fact he has a personality disorder, the worst thing you can do is to comfront him.... he will become defensive and will run away from the relationship. People with those type of disorders can not stand to hear anything negative about themselves. Although they are mentally ill, they are quite aware of what they are doing (calling attention to themselves). Your best bet is to learn more about his condition, and then - and only then, make an informed decision about your relationship. You should also know that people with personality disorders rarely improve. There's so much information about these and many other disorders online -- you shouldn't have a problem finding it. My fiance has HPD --- and very severe! I know we're not going to make it to the altar. Howeve, I have learned so much about his condition that I can walk away from him now with no remorse and without feeling rejected. I comfronted him couple of days ago (before reading the book Emotional Vampires) and he didn't walk away --- he ran for his life. I didn't hear from him for 2 days. This morning he told me that he didn't enjoy the conversation we had the other day and that he thought I was the one with the problem (typical of an HPD). I know this sounds really bad... but now that I know everything about his condition (again, he's quite aware of what the pain he causes), I'm going to draw him back to me before I dump his 'crazy' behind for good!!!! Good luck!
  6. He may be an NPD or an HPD. I'm actually reading a really good book about people with personality disorders ... "Emotional Vampires". It is so good!!! It talks about how people with disorders manipulate others. It you think your boyfriend is a narciss.., you should take a look at the book. It actually gives hints on how to manipulate them back... not something that you want to do... but just in case!
  7. You know you don't want to do it. You are only making yourself feel better by thinking that if you ended it you'll leave the pain behind. Stop feeling sorry for youself.... get off the computer ... take a shower... eat something, and get out of the house. There are millions of people out there wanting to talk to someone like you ---- you know that. Life is a gift (although sometimes feels like a pain in the a..s). I'm not feeling that hot myself today either... but I'm not going to seat around and cry for help. I'm going to get pretty (God only knows I need all the help I could get), and I'm going to use the little bit of perfume I have left, and I'm going to get out of the house and do something fun. If it doesn't work, I'll cry a little and I'll try it again tomorrow. What do I have to loose? Come on -- kid. It really isn't that bad!
  8. I have suffered from depression too. All of my life I contemplated suicide. Just in the recent years I realized that life is worth a try. You feel bad today, better tomorrow, bad again the next day --- but soon you will feel better for good. Something I had to do was to make changes and accept my life. Don't count on people to make you happy --- make yourself happy by doing what you want to do. Life is not easy --- and I hate to say it -- but it will never be easy. Before you do anything, give yourself one more chance. Everytime you feel like you want to end it.. try life again. Don't do it... if you want to talk... I'll make myself available to you. The very least I can do is to listen. Let me know what you think.
  9. I don't know your story but I was feeling the same way just days ago until I read a book called "Men who can't love -- committmentphobia -- by Carter". The book saved my life! Give it a try and I'm 100% sure that you'll thank him for not calling you.
  10. Thank you -- you seem like a very kind man. I will continue to post updates here in the near future. I will work on my approach with him.... I can be a harsh at times but it's not intentionally -- I'm just afraid of getting hurt. God bless.
  11. Thank you for the replies. I did jump into conclusions very quickly (I have to work on this character flaw) but I was hurt because I saw the relationship falling apart and I had no control over it. The issue was not that I wanted a committment from him! I just didn't want to sleep with him unless I had a committment. I would have casually dated him for a long time as long as I didn't have to jeopardize my integrity and values -- I had a choice in the matter. I have been honest with him so I wouldn't have expected anything less from him. Anyhow, he called me yesterday and told me that he couldn't picture his life without me in it... I was flattered to say least! He said that he was confused for a few minutes because I was asking for a lot (not having sex without a committment) but that he respects and prefers strong women who can resist him and say no. He admits that it is frustrating because he has to fight his sexual urges, but that his emotional and spiritual connection with me has grown to an unexpected level and he wants to pursue our relationship further. He told me that he loves the fact that I'm not submissive and I'm giving him an opportunity to grow as a man. He also said that has know all along that when a woman services a man sexually during the 'dating period' is a dead end street; that a woman telegraphs weakness when she surrenders her body to a man right away -- he finds it repulsive (after the act of course), and that he wants a special relationship with an emotionally strong woman like me. He has agreed to take things slow but wants to establish a more serious relationship. I am very happy. Again -- thanks for your comments.
  12. I am a new member her and would like some support/advice. I am 37 years old and my ex is 39. We have known each other for 2 years but have dated only for 2 months. During a conversation we had last week, he told me he was very happy with our relationship and that he knew he wanted to marry me. However, he later on said that he was afraid (and he seemed physically upset about it) because he was falling in love with me (I told him I was afraid too… and I am… I'm terrified!). He also told me that he was afraid because our relationship was moving into the next level; that he was going to have to lose all contact with his female friends to only be with me – and that that scared him because he didn't want to be left with nothing if I ever decided to break up with him; that he knew I wouldn't have physical intimacy with him until I had a commitment; and that he wasn't sure that he was ready to give me the kind of commitment that I "deserved" right away (in order for us to have sex). As soon as I heard that bunch of $%#", I told him that I deserved better and that I didn't want him to contact me anymore. At that point, he became frazzled and told me, "I feel like an * * * now for telling you that... I should have kept my mouth shut". He begged me to give him some time to figure things out but I told him no. I knew in my heart that he was confused because his ex of 2 years had told him earlier that day that she was moving to Florida (from MA) and that he was confused by the whole thing. I knew all along that he had strong feelings for her at some point, but the relationship ended because she was irresponsible with money and had a big problem with alcohol. What catch.. ah?! In any event, the point is that when he was leaving he begged me not to break up with him and to just give him some time so that he could figure things out. I told him there was no way. I know now that he's back with his ex…. Not for a fact, but I have the feeling that he is. I haven't contacted him at all (so hard to do!!), but he called me the other day and told me that he felt really bad about the "whole thing". I told him not to worry about me that I was fine. He then said that I was very intelligent (I'm not sure why he said that… but I think he thinks I know more than I do. He also has a great deal of respect for me). During our phone conversation, he asked me if I was dating and I told him that I was (I'm not by the way), and his response was "already?". I told him… "Well… it has been a week since we broke up!" He sounded somewhat devastated. However, he didn't ask me for forgiveness. I know he is buying time because he knows I wouldn't sleep with anyone that I'm dating… but during my conversation with him I told him that I thought it was time for me to let my hair down a little with any future dates. His reply was "Oh… I don't think I like the sound of that". All of the sudden, I lost the call (I'm sure he cancel the call) and I haven't heard from him since. We even go to the same gym and he hasn't been around (which I will avoid going forward). I love the guy but I don't want to put up with this situation. We had a great time together. He respects me a lot as a woman because I haven't slept with him. I know sooner or later he's going to realize that he made a mistake by being "confused" about his ex-girlfriend situation. But, to be honest, I don't know how I would handle it is he asks me for a 2nd chance -- which I know is going to happen. Can anyone give me some direction? Thanks a lot. Please give me your thoughts.
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