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about2giveup

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  1. about2giveup
    I just keep thinking if I am patient she will come around. I sit and analyize constantly. The days she is so loving, caring, flirty it almost annoys me .. kind of feels like she is a tease. She knows how I feel about the whole thing. she always makes comments that " If I could have it everyday I would be happy" so she knows where I stand for sure. I think it is meno-pause in part but I think a bigger part is she ALWAYS puts the facts of daily living ahead of our intimacy. Its as if she is that sure I will never leave, the thing is ..she is right.
  2. about2giveup
    when we met we both knew we were in it for the long haul. Neither of us had truly felt that way with anyone else. We had both been thru a few relationships and knew that what we were feeling was something special. She was just turning 40 and I was 32. We spent every free moment together for the next 6 months or so. Then took the plunge and moved in together. We have had a great partnership and like all relationships we have had our moments. I am confident she is still in love with me as I am her. It seems the sexual desire just isn't there or isn't important. As for the change of life thing, hell how long does one use that as an excuse? As for me and the change.. well .. when i was 35 I had been ill and surgery took care of any woman issues, which forced my body into early meno-pause and let me tell you... the sweats were horrible..but my sex drive has never been altered. we did put on weight thru the years.. i thought that was the problem.. but we have lost between us 90 lbs and we are both looking like we did 10 yrs ago. I know we are busy, i know we have limited time, I know whatever I do won't change things. What I don't know is how long I can take waiting to see if we will be intimate or if something will be added to our weekend pushing my chances further away. But most of all I am tired of ppl thinking this is silly. I just need to understand what is going on.
  3. about2giveup
    actually this has been going on for some time and we are now 2 months shy to make it 11 yrs. sex counselor will never happen.. tried to get her to couples therapy and she flat out said we don't need one. The thing that confuses me is she always wants to cuddle, hug and she gives hundreds of smooches. She tells me whenever we are together how nice and sexy I look/am (whatever..lol) and she gives kisses (smooches) constantly. As for the age and the libido... I have been thinking about that alot lately. I am 43 she is 50 .. she is now going thru the change. I sometimes wonder if she has been going thru for sometime and wonder how much longer..lol.. I myself had been sick so all that girl stuff had been taken care of at a very much earlier age. I do believe with all my heart she loves me. I just think she is finished with sex. That my friend kills me and worse yet scares me.
  4. about2giveup
    children.. grown.. one... 21 senior yr in college. her body.. hell she looks great.. definitely not that. masterbating together I could never see her doing that.. I am game for anything. lol... I will continue to wait for her, she is worth it. hhhmm maybe its me she doesnt find attractive.
  5. about2giveup
    I agree 100% with you. There is ALWAYS a reason. I still try the spontanous things, get me no where. But it does get her the attention I feel I would be giving her if she was putting out. So, I guess she is good..lol... I have tried a few new things, lets just say.. thank goodness for my other girlfriend. Her name is my right hand.. lol... As for our shifts changing .. I don't see that happening for quite some time, that really shouldn't make much difference, it never mattered before we always found the time. I just wish I could get rid of the feeling that she doesnt find me attractive anymore.
  6. about2giveup
    No apoligizes needed. I have decided not to talk to her about this again, I don't like to rock the boat. I know she is aware of the tension, but I am sure she has figured out I concided.
  7. about2giveup
    I think I have tried everything. I am not hurting her, I mean I refuse to hurt her by pressuring her. So I have decided to try and be contant with what we do share. We exchange rings 10 1/2 yrs ago, I thought long and hard and am sticking by her for better and worse, in sickness and in health. I am not saying the lack of intimacy doesn't hurt me (cuz it does), I just refuse to hurt her by making it an issue anymore. So I will keep the pain to myself. I hope it gets better too!
  8. about2giveup
    update: It is now October 2007. My orginal post was 9-28-06. Let me begin with the last comments made. I am not putting pressure on anyone and I am NOT making like sex is the most important issue. If I were, would I still be with her and would I be looking for an answer or help. Please do not critize me, as if I don't care. You couldn't be more wrong. Is it wrong to want more? Anyway, No the sex has not improved, I have not mentioned sex and honestly stopped thinking all together she would be a person I crave for sex from at this point. I still love her with all my heart and our relationship is rock solid if you don't count the saddness I have at the end of Sunday when I am falling asleep wishing things would change. However, I agree with the fact she is more important to me with no sex then anyone could ever be with sex. From 9-06 to the present we are at 6 times. To those who will shake heads at the fact that I am counting. My response is. HELLO its not impossible to remember i have had sex 6 times in 13 months.. I am sure if you aren't in a relationship you could count how many times you were intimate with someone. I am not looking for the answer, I think I have tried pretty much everything, short of hurting her feelings to get her in the sack. I will not hurt her, I believe she loves me completely and whatever the issue, one could only hope she works thru it SOON. Any encouraging words, or out of the box ideas would be greatly appricated. Thanks
  9. about2giveup
    well.. it is months later and I sadly have to say.. things have only gotten worse. I was fooled by the valentine holiday into thinking things were going to change. I laid down the law and said I was done, if there was no itimacy in our relationship it was obviously over and we were just waiting out the inevitiable... but then we made love valentines day... and the following weekend... I was like wow.. twice in one month.. considering I am lucky to get it once in 2 months... but since then.. nothing..so we are back on track of the last 9 months and sex 4 times.. and damn 2 of them were in february.... there are many excuses, some even good ones.. but this amount is just sick at this point!
  10. about2giveup
    uuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhh This is nuts!.. I can't take much more!.. I am starting to wish the rest of our relationship sucked! Why do we have to have such a great relationship, and NO sex! What is it about me that apparently appalls her in the bedroom!
  11. about2giveup
    I agree moving into the spare bedroom is not my best idea. I have written that off. I don't think that will help me at all. I am in bed and asleep before she gets home from work and she is in bed and asleep when I am getting up for work, but the fact that I can roll over in the middle of the night and know she is there is very comforting to me. So why move into the next room and punish myself. As for the therapy I have not written that off, I think I am just afraid of facing what the therapist may say. Again, the whole idea of facing the truth I think will break my heart. I do see some subtle changes happening.. I think I will wait it out just a bit longer and see what happens before I get a bigger taste of reality.
  12. about2giveup
    I mentioned therapy to her, she will not go. She doesn't feel our little problem is in need for other ppls help. She is a very private person and would die if she even knew I was typing in here. She said if I felt I needed to go, she doesn't have a problem with that. what good is just me going? we had another nice weekend. " As sexless partners"
  13. about2giveup
    I am so confused... I know she loves me.. that is not the problem.. but, it seems I have been doing all the right things but some how we just don't get anywhere. All I want is to be intimate with my partner without all the complications. How long can one person be patient and loving without losing everything. Why can't this be as easy as it was when we first fell in love. I am losing my mind.
  14. about2giveup
    Wish life were as easy as the above scenario. In fact, the worse part of being stuck in a relationship, is that time does not forget, and the clock never goes back, don't waste your life. how painfully truthful that statement is. You definitely have me opening up the blinds a bit more and taking a much closer look at the outside.
  15. about2giveup
    I think I may agree with you.. and I think the only reason I am spending so much time trying to fix the unfixable is because as badly as I am hurting now, I can't imagine the pain I will feel when the reality of this hits me that I will have to move on. When I first saw her 11 yrs ago, I felt something I had never felt before. I honestly never believed in love at first sight until then. I can't let that go. I think I am afraid.
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