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Day 7 for me (haven't heard from him in 14 days) Ex broke contact by texting me and sending me instant messages - he's currently "waiting" for me online. Thank goodness I've chosen to be invisible. I feel like I have a sense of power back. Like Im in control. I want to see what he wants but I'll stand strong for 30 days. I figure if it's important he'll email me right? Besides last time we broke NC it left me feeling horrible for two weeks straight!

most defn with no problems at all. but i think in my case with my ex ex, even though he dissolved the relationship b/c he met someone new... he never blamed me - took full responsibility for it and i dunno we just moved beyond it all. this was awhile ago 5 years now, we meet up with each other once every six months or so when he's in the states. we dropped into the friendship zone immediately after our breakup, give or take a few weeks. wasn't talking to each other every day but... i'm glad we remained friends.

After your breakup? I'm talking years later, not just a few months. If that is you ran into him or he contacted you. I dunno sometimes I just have random thoughts like this. Figured it was a great forum to bring it up to see if others had similar thoughts. So my question is has anyone ever had a ex come back and express how amazed he was at your "so called" transformation. Or have you guys heard any stories about exes coming back in complete awe of the person you are versus the person he thought you were. The way I am now, the things I'm doing, completely away and different from what the ex would ever have done - he never really did know me thought he thought he did. So it's not like I changed to "prove" anything to him. But seriously the thought popped up just a moment ago, esp in the wake of all our mutual friends who've remarked the changes they see in me (my own friends know it's just me, but branching out in a different direction like always) I just had the thought. This is just a general in thought question. **sidenote** BTW I'm not trying to get back with my ex. I just have my moments (those of you on here know how it is I think).

funny.. his mother told me the same thing when we broke up. then again, i guess she was trying to keep me from killing her son! lol. though, oddly enough his father did the same exact thing to her when she was pregnant with him - he wasn't raised with his father but still has the same traits. it's funny. ive not tried to change either, it's just who i am. he always thought he knew who i was... put a label on me. but i realize now... he never did, he just thought he did.

I recently ran into my ex and reconnected with some of our mutual friends. After all this time (been a couple of years) after listening to where he was in his life and what he is doing, compared to where I am and what I am doing... I'm kind of dumb founded. Here it is this man complained about how I was going nowhere and holding him back and yadda yadda yadda and now that he's on his own, well dating the woman he cheated on me with, he's the exact same person he was when I left him doing the exact same things it seems. He even was wearing this military style coat he had lost when we were dating a few years ago! He'd rebought the same coat to replace it in the last couple of months he had said. I on the other hand have done a 180 and went into a completely different direction in my life from when we knew each other. The funny thing is in my life I'm always evolving, always doing and finding things that I enjoy. I guess I'm a transformer. Always have been, always will. It bothered me a whole deal that this man complained about me to me (I never tol dhim what I thought his faults were, maybe in hinesight I SHOULD HAVE! but whatever I dont like playing that game). The main thing being that people don't change. I guess it's just interesting to me that in this case he was right... at least he's the one who hasn't changed. Casually speaking to mutual friends who've let thing slip here and there and he's still the same person he used to be doing the same things. I guess he hasn't realized yet that if you keep doing the same things that got you nowhere, you will continue to get nowhere until you can change. Have any of you ever run into a ex after a couple of years have gone by and seen that they have not changed one bit from when you knew them? Weird. Funnier yet, mutual friends think I've changed so much that they have taken note. But I'm not so sure I have, though my career and activities I enjoy have defn did a 180. Not that I'm supposed to care, so don't come at me with you shouldn't be thinking about what he's thinking - I know this - this thread is basically me pondering things out loud to this community filled with people who've gone through the same and perhaps have had the same thoughts... I wonder... if in seeing me, this new me, is he slightly like wow, she's changed (as our mutual friends). My brother told me that of course he thinks that but being a man he'll keep it to himself but there will porbably be that little thought in his mind like ' i wonder what would have become if i had stuck around.' Thinking out loud again. Anyone else run into their exes and have a good moment of clarity in regards to them being in the same space an dyou moving on to a better one?

whoo boy! i read what i wrote and was where'd THAT come from? lol dang. glad you took it in good humor. it's worst than over the phone... it's when she's over, over the phone, when we're out in public. and also in their emails - he showed me something he was going to send to her (wanted my advice) and it was titled smookie wookie. i about gagged. but didn't say anything just rolled my eyes like who are you and what have you done to my brother. lol. mrs elliott smith why question it? just annoys me to all get out. feels like 24/7 - an ongoing thing. he was even complaining the other day about coworkers getting mad at him when he talks on the phone to his gf. i'm like bro... they're probably as annoyed as i am with the baby talk. the only other alternative is kicking him out of my place. he's just broke right now so'd prob be sleeping in his car. i bought my place a couple of years ago and helped him out when he was on hard times. if he/she objects to anyone of my preferences... i hate to sound like my parents but he can get out of my house if he objects to any my preferences. if they were living together, yeah i'd probably still be annoyed but... they'd be in their own place and i could just leave or decide not to come over. no not harmful to them... but very very very annoying to me. but this wasn't really supposed to be about my brother,maybe should have left that part out.. in general it was just a post on how annoying i find baby talk. nicknames.. kool. but when whole sentences and conversations are formed... wow.

LostInMyThoughts since you answered a question with a question.. he lives with me in my condo. when she's over it's baby talk. on the phone. baby talk. i constantly have to hear it. i never liked it from anyone but never had to hear it maybe from kids 23 and under - the high schoolers/college age students it doesn't bother me as much it's a little bit more acceptable and understanding to me as they're younger. But older than that? let's say 36 and 29? makes me cringe. to each it's own i guess but having to hear it constantly just makes me want to cringe and throw things at them.

Someone please explain to me why two people in their 30s would baby talk? Is it just me? Or is this just incredibly hokey pokey snuggie woogie? Ugh. Maybe i'm just a kill joy. My question is what compels people to talk like this to one another? I guess another question is is it healthy? Does is have anything to do with the maturity level of the couple or reflect on if the couple will last? I think I read somewhere that people who talk like this to one another have basically run out of adult/mature things to say. Not quite sure I believe this but I'll tell you one thing... I hate baby talk. Anybody else have any opinions on this or is it my own issue wissue? (sparked by hearing enough of my brother and his gf talk to each other - they've known each other for 3 years, been dating each other exculsively for 3 months). He never spoke like this before then sudenly...

on christmas? yee gauds.

really? ok ok thanks guys. much appreciated. i thought he did but then got thrown by the friend statement. lol dating sucks!

The fella I've been causally dated just referred to me as a friend - said something like "what are friends for?" in reference to me telling him how down I was feeling but wanted to share with him smiles instead of my depression. Oh well. I guess we're friends now then. It won't be fwb that's for sure but still. Unless... I'm still rather new to this whole dating world even though I'm in my late 20s. When I casually dated another guy he'd also mention that I was his friend then one day he introduced me to his friend I'd never met before as his girlfriend. Is this a normal thing that guys do? I mean we're not bf/gf for sure it's still too soon I think (it being a few months now). I also know that every person isn't alike. So in your opinions, especially the older folks out there (sorry... I just figure since I'm in another age bracket it might be nice to hear advice from folks who are 25ish and older) is this a complete stop sign or should I just continue to hang out with him not putting all my eggs in one basket if you will. I am liking this guy and enjoying his company. He seemed to be enjoying mine as well.

No.... you know how you feel - you don't know how she feels. She only knows how she feels. And in my opinion, this is just one opinion and only mine - being a friend sometimes means going through the rough times with friends who love us. Even when they are annoying as all get out. Some breakups people can get over with easily, some they can't - no one can tell someone or expect someone just to get over it in the same time that it took them to get over their own breakups. One day, you may be in her shoes and might need support. I guess it all just depends on circumstances and the person. I don't know, I guess if it bothers you this much and you've mentioned it to her but it still bothers you that she's upset about it and won't stop talking about it... the only other option is not to be her friend. If it's that bad for you I mean. But then again...is it worth loosing your friendship over? **Idea!!** Why don't you delete this message and steer her over to this web site. That way she could post as much as she wanted whatever she wanted and find the support she seems to be looking for. Or at least other people who are going through and more understanding of her emotions and feelings at this time.

yeah it is fear... most defn i know this. i just got to get over this hurdle. thanks for your response. as for long distance... it didn't began as such... im not one either for ldr's. i've never had one nor desired one. in this case he's usually back and forth within a couple of weeks - 2 at the most though i've never had to deal with this as we've not been seeing each other too long. he just had to go back to renew his visa but since it's the holidays... is staying for a bit more time. mid or late january. i have the means to go over to visit him whenever i want though so the distance at the moment doesn't bother me. it's just... like you said, my insecurities from the past. i really hate this. i was never this person but because of what happen kind of turned into her. he knows the whole bit but to what extinct i do not know if it registers. we did talk about it though - my past. im trying to be open and trusting but feels like it's becoming such a hard road. oh well... i'll deal with it. i'll have to. thanks again for responding and reading my... fears. i'll let you know what becomes of it all

well not really a breakup but I've been casually dating this fella - we never really had the talk of exclusivity but we have been spending more time with one another than not. Alas he had to return to his homeland a few weeks ago - will be back in the states in a month. And suddenly I've begin to feel... that I need to cut him out of my life. It's fear. I openly admit it. I was in a relationship awhile ago (over 1.5 years now) where the guy cheated on me and brought my self esteem way down because of the cheating obviously and the things he said to me. I realize that entering into this new thing - whatever it may be as I'm not sure yet - insecurities are coming out to play and as I said before... I'm scared. I know he might have some fears himself, the last two relationships he had the women left him when he left the country. He returned to find that they had moved on rather quickly. One was a two year relationship and the other was a six week one. I guess I understand his hesitations if this is it, though we've not really had a solid conversation. It's only been about three months. Here's the kicker - he is a performer and has a myspace page. We did have the conversation abou tthat and I told him it kind of freaked me out. He says it's only mysapce it's not real and he's absolutely right! But...still... There were a lot of women admirers on it. Some clearly fans and others friends but lately a couple have been putting messages on there that's made me feel uncomfortable.... insecure. The flirtation. On the other hand he's put two photos I've taken of him up on there and mentioned me in his blog - when he came to visit me he recounted that experience which was nice. But my insecurities of a couple of the post... I dunno. I like this guy, I really do - but I don't want to get hurt again at this moment in time. I know that that's the chance we take in getting involved with someone else bu ta tthe same time... it makes me wonder if these are little red flags. I don't want to be one of many though it's too soon in my opinon to claim exclusivity esp b/c of the distance. Still... there's the part of me who wants to just delete his profile from my list and be done with it... what do you think?

keef - I suggest that you start a thread of your own so that others may read your story and help you with it if you need help that is. when you post it on someone else's thread...im not sure it'll get the proper attention it deserves. ie you're highjacking my thread ;-) As for my case. I've decided after a long talk with my sister that through I've enjoyed our friendship, I am ending it. I just don't feel right that he so blantantly lied. j