jnk260

I suffer from depression and my story is so similar to yours I won't bother to repeat. The worse point of my depression was when I broke up with me boyfriend. It was terrible and I shut down completely, only managing to cope with work simply because I needed the money. My school work suffered as I couldn't concentrate and although usually independent I had become so dependant on the boyfriend. I was put on a mild dose of prozac, simply because it had become the last alternative and after a period of time things became more stable. The best way I can describe depression is like standing in blazing hot sunshine and not being able to feel it. The warmth is completely lost on you and you feel frozen inside. I still have breakdowns now. I'm having one at the moment. It makes me angry because I have to fight it and it takes a lot of energy, it also isolates me from my friends. Wether or not you have depression is for you alone to judge really. See the consellors as you have nothing to lose and it will just give you an opportunity to let loose with your emotions and as condescending as they may be, they may also help you to realise some problems you may not have realised. I don't endorse nor discourage the use of antidepressants as that is a personal choice. I look forward to the day when I feel able to maintain emotional stability without them. I hope that helps you somewhat. Here if you need me.

I can sympathise because I'm about six months further done the road than you are. I was furious at my ex shortly after we broke up and it was at the point where mutual friends had to restrain me from taking out my anger on him. The next moment I would be crying and loving him desperately. I can't remember when things changed, but I know that it was gradual and I know that I still have relapses know. The hurt was very deep and his attitude towards me was out of order. It got to the point where his friend punched him on my behalf. Got to admit that was good. But just bear with it, ride out the emotions and try to talk through the feelings with someone. I found people who I wasn't that close to and that weren't that close to him were best, simply because they had perspective, which was what I needed to find. Time will provide you with that. I realise now that chances were that it wouldn't have worked. If you can't find anyone to talk to, this forum is a great place to get objective advice and just let loose with your anger. As cliched as it is, time is a great healer, and you will move on eventually. And he does care, he just can't express it and probably isn't even aware of it. Some guys (my ex included) really cannot cope with emotion. Best of luck. It will pass and is completely normal, although you will feel that it is not. I'm further down the line, but i worked through it and feel better for it. We're all here if you need advice.

This seems so stupid, but as it's gotten me so upset it really can't be that stupid. I have my final year ball approaching in July and by the end of the week the table arrangements have to be in. I was trying to organise a table and ask one of closest friends if she wanted to be included. She had already been asked by someone else and had said yes to them, so she told me probably not. I then asked four other good friends if they wanted to arrange a table and find some other people as the tables are for ten. They all said yes. Now today, trying to finalise the arrangements. I had nine people who had all said yes. I went to find my closest friends to check if she didn't want to join us, and she again said no as she was organising a table with some other people. I told her who was also on the table to see if she wouldn't change her mind. When I listed them, she then told me that four of them were on her table. And she had the list ready. This really hurt me, because I include her in things as a matter of course, simply to give her the opportunity to have first refusal (I know that she will probably refuse as she is busy), but she almost never includes me as a matter of course. Am I wrong for doing this, or am I just being irrational? I also feel hurt that the other good friends of mine didn't even tell me what they were doing. I have no idea how to approach her or any of them. I aso have an obligation to the remaining four members of my table as I don't want to do the same to them. I know I need to approach her about it, but I have no idea how. I'm afraid she'll just fob me off or tell me I'm being stupid. Do think more highly of my friendships than they do? I only want to go to the damn ball so I don't regret not going, and I want to go with the people I thought were my friends so I could have a good time, but I've been left out on a limb and I really Don't know what to do? Please offer me advice. I've shed enough tears already.

Thankyou to the both of you for your advice. I hear the common sense in what both of you say, now i think i just really have to convince myself that's what's best. I wish i could shut my feelings for him out, but i know that i wouldn't learn anything from that. I know for certain that the love i have for him is nothing like the love i had for my first love. I have been there before, but i can't get space from this man as we go to the same college. I know i need space and time to restore myself, but i also know i will be stronger and more cautious in the future. It's bittersweet memories i have, but i think the saying holds true that it is better to have loved and lost than never lost at all. To kuhl282000, your situation sounds incredibly familiar. It's hard and it's great to know that I'm not unique in what i feel. I will always respect him, but i think i know that in heart of hearts, he's not ready to deal with his problems and to rely on someone else, i just need to realise this fully. When he is ready, i know he'll be happy and i hope he's learnt from me as i learnt from him. I just need to pick myself up and realise that i'm not responsible or to blame. I'll move on and there are so many more relationships to have. Thanks again.

I haven't posted for along time, but yet again I need the objective advice only you can offer me. I broke up with the man I had been seeing for one year, which for me was a long time. I don't know if I was in love with him because I was cautious with my feelings. The split up was difficult, because I felt that I was unable to get space from him. He also exacerbated the situation by continually slagging me off behind my back. I have come to terms with this, as I realise that this is his way of coping. He changed a lot during our relationship and become what all of his friends agree is quite offensive due to his personal difficulties. But even now five months later, I cannot help but sense his depression and loneliness despite being surrounded by people. Instinctively, I know that he misses me, but I am not sure if it is as his girlfriend, or for who I am. I cannot help but care deeply for anyone I am close to, and I feel somewhat responsible for him. I have tried to patch our differences slowly, but I have no idea what to do about him. I want him to be happier and I believe I have the ability to do help him do that, but I doubt he'll accept my help. Should I just carry on as I'm doing and forget about him entirely or should I try to repair our relationship somewhat? The huge influence on my decision is that my instincts are incredibly strong on this matter and have not abated despite many attempts; they are also usually extremely accurate. I don't know if I'm ready to be hurt by him again, although I'm much tougher than I used to be. What are your opinions?

My last relationship was fairly turbulent and this result in me dumping him twice, both times because i was very angry. After we got together again after the second break up, i ended up telling him to decide what he wanted to do about us as things weren't working. He either had to deal with the problems or we would split up. He decided to split up, however he took the very cowardly method of dumping me by text, which only helped fuel my anger towards him. However the anger was short lived because we turned up at the same party, at which he was obviously really depressed and quite drunk (the two ingredients necessary for him to start to communicate). I talked to him after several of his closest friends asked me to stop ignoring him (immature, i know) and patch up our differences. I did talk to him and after lots of generalisations and avoidance of the subject, he confessed that he missed me and regretted splitting up. I was hurt by what he had done (who wouldn't be?) and hadn't yet started to miss him, so i didn't comment. It came to saying goodbye and he said that we were still friends. So I said goodbye to him as I sat goodbye to all of my close friends - with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He turned his head and caught me on the lips. To my utter surprise he kissed me briefly back. This has really confused me as I didn't want or expect him to respond. It has been a week since i last saw him and he ignored me completely, although when confronted he denied ignoring me. I asked if I could see him to have another attempt to clear the air between us, particularly as he was the one to say that we were friends. He said 'maybe' extremely non commitantly, which has really confused me as I had thought we were better friends than that and that he wanted to sort things out also. I not happy with the situation, but I have no idea as to what to do and where i've gone wrong. Please offer some suggestions, advice and support Thankyou. JNK260

I need unbiased advice, as all the advice i have received so far has been very vague and confusing. I have been seeing my boyfriend for 8 months now and even after all this time i still feel like i hardly know him. He finds it extremely difficult to express himself (so he claims), but he doesn't seem to try at all. I used to find it difficult also (a number of years ago) but i found that you simple had to summon up your courage and say it and it became easier with practise. I'm trying to be sympathetic and supportive, but it's incredibly frustrating and is beginning to drive me insane. I really need to know what he feels about things, in particularly about me. We don't talk a lot, but enjoy each others company. I can maintain a mainly one sided superficial conversation, but if i stop talking silence tends to fall. The only way i can ever get anything out of him is by asking specific questions which makes me uncomfortable as i feel like i'm interrogating him. He does tend to talk more when drunk, but i don't want him to need to be drunk to talk. he has recently (after much questioning) admitted that he loves me, but i'm not convinced because he rarely says it spontaneously. I don't want to be a nagging girlfriend but it's currently taking so much effort. I'm attracted to him, but his lack of expression is a huge barrier. He also winds me up about seeing other women, which as he never reassures me does make me suspicious. I trust him and i think i could easily love him, if i knew that he felt the same. But the relationship isn't progressing and takes a lot of effort. I'm debating ending it with him because i think i seriously could find someone more suitable, but i want it to work and i really don't want to hurt him. What should i do? Break up or take another course of action? Any advice would be much appreciated.