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markfromark

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markfromark last won the day on July 4 2012

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About markfromark

  • Birthday 10/04/1966

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  1. there is a book called 'the five love languages' that helped me understand love a little bit better. The idea is that everyone experiences love in a different way and we have to learn and understand how our partners feel loved. Here is a quote from the book: Quality Time Quality time is more than mere proximity. It’s about focusing all your energy on your mate. A husband watching sports while talking to his wife is NOT quality time. Unless all of your attention is focused on your mate, even an intimate dinner for two can come and go without a minute of quality time being shared. Quality conversation is very important in a healthy relationship. It involves sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. A good mate will not only listen, but offer advice and respond to assure their mate they are truly listening. Many mates don’t expect you to solve their problems. They need a sympathetic listener. An important aspect of quality conversation is self-revelation. In order for you to communicate with your mate, you must also be in tune with your inner emotions. It is only when you understand your emotions and inner feelings will you then be able to share quality conversation, and quality time with your mate. Quality activities are a very important part of quality time. Many mates feel most loved when they spend physical time together, doing activities that they love to do. Spending time together will bring a couple closer, and, in the years to come, will fill up a memory bank that you can reminisce about in the future. Whether it’s sitting on the couch and having a brief conversation or playing together in a tennis league, quality time is a love language that is shared by many. Setting aside focused time with your mate will ensure a happy marriage. Receiving Gifts Some mates respond well to visual symbols of love. If you speak this love language, you are more likely to treasure any gift as an expression of love and devotion. People who speak this love language often feel that a lack of gifts represents a lack of love from their mate. Luckily, this love language is one of the easiest to learn. If you want to become an effective gift giver, many mates will have to learn to change their attitude about money. If you are naturally a spender, you will have no trouble buying gifts for your mate. However, a person who is used to investing and saving their money may have a tough time adjusting to the concept of spending money as an expression of love. These people must understand that you are investing the money not in gifts, but in deepening your relationship with your mate. The gift of self is an important symbol of love. Sometimes all your mate desires is for someone to be there for them, going through the same trials and experiencing the same things. Your body can become a very powerful physical symbol of love. These gifts need not to come every day, or even every week. They don’t even need to cost a lot of money. Free, frequent, expensive, or rare, if your mate relates to the language of receiving gifts, any visible sign of your love will leave them feeling happy and secure in your relationship. Acts of Service Sometimes simple chores around the house can be an undeniable expression of love. Even simple things like laundry and taking out the trash require some form of planning, time, effort, and energy. Just as Jesus demonstrated when he washed the feet of his disciples, doing humble chores can be a very powerful expression of love and devotion to your mate. Very often, both pairs in a couple will speak to the Acts of Service Language. However, it is very important to understand what acts of service your mate most appreciates. Even though couples are helping each other around the house, couples will still fight because the are unknowingly communicating with each other in two different dialects. For example, a wife may spend her day washing the cars and walking to dog, but if her husband feels that laundry and dishes are a superior necessity, he may feel unloved, despite the fact that his wife did many other chores throughout the day. It is important to learn your mate’s dialect and work hard to understand what acts of service will show your love. It is important to do these acts of service out of love and not obligation. A mate who does chores and helps out around the house out of guilt or fear will inevitably not be speaking a language of love, but a language of resentment. It’s important to perform these acts out of the kindness of your heart. Demonstrating the acts of service can mean stepping out of the stereotypes. Acts of service require both mates to humble themselves into doing some chores and services that aren’t usually expected from their gender. However, these little sacrifices will mean the world to your mate, and will ensure a happy relationship. Physical Touch Many mates feel the most loved when they receive physical contact from their partner. For a mate who speaks this love language loudly, physical touch can make or break the relationship. Sexual intercourse makes many mates feel secure and loved in a marriage. However, it is only one dialect of physical touch. Many parts of the body are extremely sensitive to stimulation. It is important to discover how your partner not only physically responds but also psychologically responds to these touches. It is important to learn how your mate speaks the physical touch language. Some touches are irritating and uncomfortable for your mate. Take the time to learn the touches your mate likes. They can be big acts, such as back massages or lovemaking, or little acts such as touches on the cheek or a hand on the shoulder. It’s important to learn how your mate responds to touch. That is how you will make the most of this love language. All marriages will experience crisis. In these cases, physical touch is very important. In a crisis situation, a hug can communicate an immense amount of love for that person. A person whose primary love language is physical touch would much rather have you hold them and be silent than offer any advice. It is important to remember that this love language is different for everyone. What type of touch makes you feel secure is not necessarily what will make your partner happy. It is important to learn each other’s dialects. That way you can make the most of your hugging, kissing, and other physical contacts.
  2. I highly recommend keeping a journal. I started mine after my wife left me last year and I write about anything that feels important to me. Two weeks ago I met my ex-girlfriend (yes, I am already through my rebound ) after I have not seen her for more than two month (I am not good at NC). I spent half a day with her and felt falling in love with her again but then at night I read all my journal entries from the time we were a couple and I realized that there were many reason we should not be together. Most of the things that drove me crazy about her I had already forgotten and it was a little bit surprising to read about my feelings. And to fair, I was and still not am anywhere close to being over my wife. I now realized that this will take a while. I recommend writing a private journal, paper or electronic. It should be only for your eyes. remember: If your life is worth living, it's worth recording
  3. you are not a failure. I like your picture with the butterfly wings. Just smile more often and sooner or later some cute guy will smile back. Hey, at my age, every day above ground seems to be a perfect day. Who cares how many boyfriends your friend has had.
  4. How is the quality of that V-8 juice? I am glad when I get 1 or fruits/veggies a day and I was thinking that a V-8 juice provides me with all fruits/veggies that I need.
  5. funny, I was about to ask my girlfriend of two month the same. I have been married for 15 years and now I am afraid my girlfriend is "just a rebound". I'd like to take time off and keep contact with her until I know what I want. But the other poster is right too, one should never wait in life and move on.
  6. about 1): romance at work is never a good idea unless one participant quits sooner or later 2) I made the same decision after I was dumped for another man. Just shows character I think. I know for sure that this is one thing that bugs my ex about her new man: that he was able to butt into a flawed but existing relationship.
  7. I'd say that if both partners don't agree about the way money is handled, there will be broken hearts sooner or later. On another relationship site I once read that both partners even should disclose their financial statements before getting married. That would prevent each other from surprises about the other's spending habbits.
  8. welcome to enotalone. Many people are and have been in your situation. My wife left me for another man 4 month ago and I still get sad several times a day. But it does get less and less but as I know myself I will continue thinking about her for a long time. Sometimes I have to force myself to look at what she did and then I get angry at her but the sadness always comes back. At this point I would recommend for you to get to a point where your children enjoy your company again. Whenever you feel sadness creeping up on you think about something funny and try to chase those thoughts away. I know from my experience how though it is but like all wounds it will heal eventually.
  9. my situation is similar as in my girlfriend is not used to share her emotions. It is driving me crazy at times and either I will get used to it or she starts to open up. That's how I see it. About silence: many years ago I saw an interview with Pavarotti. They asked him about the recent marriage of his daughter and he told the interviewer that he asked her only one question: Can the two of you just be silent with each other? I always remembered that when I felt uneasy sitting with my wife in a restaurant not talking to her. It's a bit of an introvert thing as well I think.
  10. in my previous marriage we did everything toghether, all the time. My current girlfriend is very independent and plans on going on a trip by herself next year. When she told me that, I felt really weird because I think that the precious vacation time that we have should be spent together but I understand that this is not always possible. I would say that if someone would consistenly spent vacation time by him/herself then this person just does not enjoy being with his/her partner. Maintaining a certain degree of independance is important though, I have to learn that again.
  11. that is a bit weird then. Is he afraid that intimacy allways ends in intercourse? You are talking about physical intimacy, right? Do you sometimes just lie in bed and hold each other while you talk about today's issues? Do you listen to each other?
  12. from a man's perspective: it's a dream many men have, the girlfriend/wife with a high sex drive but when it happens we (men) sometimes are a bit surprised at our own physical capabilities, especially when we are over 40. For a while sex three times a day is fantastic but then we start to be tired all the time and we don't get enough sleep anymore. My solution to this is not to ejaculate every time because this is the biggest energy drain for a man. I can do it three times a day but orgasm only once a day. That way she gets it three times and I conserve some energy. Maybe you could take the pressure from him by *ignoring* his penis for a while and maybe try to get off with his hands or mouth instead?
  13. thanks for all the good info, initially I asked her for one evening a week just for us and she said ok ... but of course it never worked out. From what you told me here it looks like I should be glad to go on a date with her twice a month. We do spend time together but of course it is always with her child, which is fun most of the time but naturally I am not used to a child being around all the time. Thanks again.
  14. where is this coming from? And where would I have to start to change my views about what??
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