anna_k

Ok, I am no expert nor do I want to come accross as arrogant however, I've been told I'm good at it and this is pretty much what I know: 1. If he's REALLY in the mood-it doesn't take long at all. A few minutes and he's gone. 2. Sometimes it can take forever, even on a guy who has previously finished at the 5 minutes mark. I think the important thing is to enjoy and get into it because then he can get into it. Someone said that its more touch that intensity-that's very true. Use your hand and give your jaw a break if its going for ages. 3. I always put the whole thing when its soft. Then it gradually gets harder. I also use the twisting motion with my hands but I find the part that seems to make him feel really good is when I reach the tip of the penis I tighten my grips then take my hand and mouth off completely. I don't know if that makes sense. I guess its similar to him entering you then withdrawing all the way out. Apparently it's nice. 4. Also nice is wrapping your tongue around it in a swirling kind of movement. It's really hard to explain. Imagine you want to wrap his penis with your tongue. It makes your tongue really tired though. Bad. 5. I think maintaining rhythm is important. I've noticed that when I don't keep good, consistent rhythm the whole event takes me forever. 6. The gag reflex also feels good and so if you can deepthroat-more power to you! 7. A few fun things to try: blindfold him, do it somewhere (safe/private) outdoors, spit on it, biting the nearest part of his thigh, using two hands ('the perpetual vagina'), changing angles (like instead of being in front, move to the side), if he's a visuals guy-use your hand, look at him and say something naughty.....that's what I do when I'm getting tired and need him to come soon. Haha. Hasn't failed me yet! That's all I've got. Have fun.

I feel I need to simplify my life now so I'm hoping to let this thread go to sleep. I won't lie to anyone. I tried to do NC and it worked only for a couple of days. I haven't seen him though. I've been sticking to my guns and saying 'no'. However, we still occasionally talk. Very very occasionally but it's still there unfortunately. Last night he asked me if I wanted to meet up. Before I said anything he asked if I could invite one of my friends along...like I am just a tour guide to the amusement park. He told me he thinks she's attractive. When he met her, which was at that dinner thing I had last year, he virtually did a double-take. I have no idea why she's being brought into the conversation all the sudden. (This is the problem with having attractive friends and idiot guys around.) I said 'no' and didn't change my mind despite ongoing efforts to convince me otherwise. Not that I expected it but there's been absolutely no compassion or expression of remorse at all. And why should there be? He feels he's done nothing wrong. It's been a good learning curve. I'm too jealous and emotional to be with a guy who loves his freedom so much that he tells me I'm being uptight. I know everyone loves the freedom to look and ogle or whatever, but if there's not potential for committment then what is there right? I'm glad I met him actually. At least I know I need to wise up and be more mature about my relationship choices. I got too emotional and that pushed him away. I know that now. 20/20 vision in hindsight. No, I'm not torturing myself over this anymore. That last incident just killed everything I had left. It really really hurt. I just wanted to lay this thread to rest because I no longer want to deal with him and how he makes me feel. Thanks to anyone who read this and offered advice. I appreciate it muchly.

I think I need to enter this challenge. So today is Day 1? If so, it wasn't a very nice day. Dreamt about him last night. Woke up thinking about him this morning. Was distracted by talking to friends and work for the remainder of the day. It's nearing bedtime now and I'm sad again. The night are horrible. He has been messaging me saying he wants to talk. I want to aswell and it hurts to say no. I'm hoping this is going to be a case of "worse before it gets beter".

Hi Cassie. I just meant that I was physically too tired to justify myself in my other post and not as though I was peeved or anything. What does he personally mean to me? Well, firstly I'm not that old so it's not like I've had vast experiences with adult relationships. Although it's true that I should be old enough to know better. As I said before I've never had a relationship this serious/intense. Before everything went wrong it was very nice. Right in the beginning everyone was saying how lucky I was but in the end, not so lucky after all. I guess that brief period was enough to make me really care about him. It doesn't help that other people say bad things about him...it makes me want to defend him. He's sort of my first real everything. For better or worse, that's the way it is. Motivations? Hope is evil. That's all I can say. I feel there's been a lot lost in communication and translation. We're very different and often interpret what the other person says the wrong way, trouble inevitaly ensues. I guess I just want to sort everything out and be clear but have virtually given up on this because it's probably never going to happen.

Because I've never felt like this over anyone before. I'm too tired to justify anything now. But anyway, the reason I came on here again is to say that I'm starting SuperDave's NC challenge today. Today was the first time his name flashed on the phone and on my computer screen and I really decided to not respond with anything. Before I may have not responded but I always had the overwhelming urge to. Sort of like a 'Consequences be dammed, I'll do it anyway!' moment. Wish me luck.

Yes, I know you're right. But it's still hard. I can handle the truth, but the truth is horrible. I think a lot of what happened was my fault really. I probably pushed things too fast and too hard in the beginning, no wonder he 'friend-zoned' me. I guess I knew this would happen. And to think, I wasn't even looking for a boyfriend at all. Sometimes I wonder if what people would say if he wrote about me on here (like the male-version of this thread). I'm sure everyone would think I was pushy first then too pathetic later. Ouch.

I don't think I choose to be disrespected. I know I tolerate it when I shouldn't because I'm a pushover.. My brain thinks 'I gave him the option to leave me. If he doesn't it must mean something positive.' Some people aren't that wise or raised that strong. Some people are just stupid, blind and deaf. Some people have low self-esteem and various other issues. Some people have too much foolish hope for their own good. Some people can't stop caring that quickly. Some people reacted very stupidly. Everyone does everything in their own time. I already know I'm an idiot. I wish I could just be strong and together enough to say 'I won't put up with that' and never have anything to do with that person again (permanently). I'm working on it but it's not going to happen overnight.

I just read this and: a sad haha. Have you noticed how quick kids are growing up now? I've not even reached my mid-20s but I feel old saying that. I'm sure it was a rhetorical question but: I wouldn't have a clue if young boys are getting more disrespectful to women. I DO know that there's a lot more access to entertainment and porn and such like so more of them expect perfect women aesthetically. I don't know if it makes them less respectful or not because I don't have younger brothers or any of that age in my family. I know that my guy expects a perfect and compliant woman. And if not: Trade In. By the same token, I wonder what kind of girls they're cultivating in school these days. I hope stronger, smarter ones.

I asked my male friends this and they feel that he was stupid to do it but I also over-reacted slightly because it was probably a joke and that this girl was a random, 'he's never going to meet her' sort. Granted, he WAS trying to make a point (that fake breasts can look hot). I know. The point being made was possibly worse than the photo itself. Also, I'm not his girlfriend anymore so it's not like I have that much right to get insanely mad at him (I did anyway). He said he wasn't going to leave me again for some girl but that doesn't mean I'm his girlfriend. Sometimes he tries hard to impress me and get me back. And then...he'll do something like this and undo it all. Haha. Idiot. I know it is disrespectful but I don't think he's trying to see if I'm into girls. I'm exactly like you also, I can aprecciate good genes but I do not care how hot other girls are. He actually told me that he doesn't want to be 'too nice' to me all the time otherwise I'll get used to it and he'll just have to keep topping himself each time. And it will get to the point where he can't go any better. That's what happenned with his other girlfriend. I don't drive 4 hours anymore. I relocated back this year (not for him). We live about 30 minutes apart now but I see him a lot less than I did last year. I have not driven to his house so far this year. As I said, I'm working slowly through this. Everything is getting fewer and far between. Which is good. You have to admit, I'm a lot better than I used to be. Well, I think so.

Yeah. Love's not only blind but deaf. I know he's holding back though. He told me so. I am basically paying for the behaviour of his ex-gf-who took him for granted and kept on demanding more from him until he snapped. I tell him to get a new girl all the time but he says 'no' then will go all silent. Meh.

Why why. That is the question. It takes small steps I guess. I don't call him ever (I haven't for months). I haven't gone to see him. This is what I'm keeping up atm. I cannot cut all communication yet because my life has no room for a big messy fight right now. We still occasionally message. He went to visit some family overseas recently. I was not expecting anything because he had an early flight but when I got to work, I found a message from him saying he was about to board and that he'd miss me. I know it's apparent that I like him more than he likes me but I honestly was not expecting that. Our relationship (or whatever you call it) has definitely changed since the horrible break-up incident. For better and for worse. Sometimes I feel like there's something huge we've both misunderstood with each other. The latest thing to develop is the fact that he openly talks to his parents about me now. In the past he has avoided all questions from them. They are able to joke (he tells me about this) and his parents have started to ask him how I am doing and how my work is. I have never kept him hanging and he's been given the opportunity to be free of me and us. Whenever I tell him to find another girl, he tells me to 'be quiet' and to stop talking like that. I'd ignore him except he has my number. And no, I can't turn my phone off because of work. And yes, he calls from a private line most of the time (no caller ID). If I pick up and it's him, I've done what you guys suggested and was very short and monosyllabic. If I'm like this he says he will call again later to make sure I'm ok as he is probably used to having a more engaging conversation. Don't ask me what it means. You can't win. I'm alright at the moment but I'm going to have the Talk when he gets back (I didn't want to have it before he went away because I didn't want him sad for the trip). Yes I am wasting time and brain cells. I tried to talk the NC-leap and fell in a heap. Baby steps are the way to go for me.

Hrrrm, let's see. What happenned today? Phone call? Check. Request for sex? Check. Sending a sexy-photo of a girl to me? Check. Me using evil words and leaving? Check! It's become an experiment. It never ceases to amaze me how one person can find certain things normal whilst another will find them completely disrespectful. It is also amazing to see how much one person can take. For me, I guess I believe everyone has good in them and should be given chances (as I would like people to think the same for me). This was clearly my downfall in this situation. For him, it is sort of amusing to see how much arguing and relationship-bickering he will take given the fact that he's not actually in one.

I had another bleed tonight. So far I have been bleeding after every session of sex (except one). Tonight's was a big bleed. It soaked through. I was completely shocked. And now I'm all swollen and it feels all sore and 'full' down there. It appears as though something is protruding out. I'm not sure what's going on because I can't quite see. Is this to be expected when the guy is much bigger than the girl should have?

He called again. At some ridiculous hour. Luckily I had anticipated this and turned my phone on silent. When I woke up this morning I found the missed call and a message from him asking me why I hadn't called back. Utterly strange behaviour. He must be on drugs or something...I don't know how to explain the Jekyll and Hyde behaviour. Furthermore, someone is lying to me about my friend going over there last night. I got a message from her about 2 minutes after his phone call and message. She apparently had no idea why I was asking her. Now I feel like a horrible person. I AM a horrible person. I did not believe him 100% when he said it but I had to ask her anyway. Well...it's blatantly obvious that I have no trust in anyone at the moment. I wish I never got mad at her. Even if she did go, I still should not be mad at her. Ah, it just never ends. If this is not the crux of jealousy, then I don't know what is. Jealousy is like this little black bug in your system making you suspect everyone else out there of foul-play.

An update. I received a phone call tonight from him. After distinctly telling him not to call me. He was sort of acting all apathetic and cool about it. He even yelled something out to his friends in the background and laughed. Why did I pick up? I had just finished talking to my best friend. Half-a second later my phone rang again. I assumed it was her as I as in the middle of dialing her back anyway. I should have checked. But I didn't. His name doesn't come up since I erased the number. A series of unfortunate events. He is having some people over tonight and asked me if I wanted to come. I said that I did not. Then he said he had just called my other close friend, she was on the way there and I should get a lift. She did not tell me. Of-course, she has every right to go. But geez. Doesn't friendship count for anything? Especially considering how fresh this is for me. I don't want to get mad at her because she's a lovely girl and very sweet to me. I know I'm being irrational but I don't care. I'm not a very happy person right now.