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sillygurl

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  • Birthday 09/04/1978

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  1. Allrightey, here we go. My on again off again and I just broke up about an hour ago. I pretended I thought it was a great idea, and we made it a mutual breakup even though it's killing me. NC from here on out... maybe in the meantime I can meet someone better!
  2. If it's You can say, "OK, I hear you, and good luck to you in the future." then you can begin the process of moving on. Good luck, Jaon 1080!
  3. Thank you nomad! btw, your avatar is hilarious tee hee
  4. Hi wavner: If the break-up was over something petty, can you take what you learned about yourself/relationships into your new relationship? Sometimes it helps me feel like the pain of a hard lesson was worth it if, it taught me something. The holidays can be tough, especially when you're going through this. Try and do things you enjoy, so that you've got something to think about other than how much you miss the ex. Everyone here is rooting for you, hang in there.
  5. BeStrong: Thank you for your great advice! Once I gave myself permission to wallow, I stopped feeling so guilty about wallowing, and doing so helped me to feel a teeny bit better. I also got out of bed and went to see "The Pursuit of Happyness." It was great! That movie has a very uplifting message of hope that was just what I needed. I love to read but haven't made time in months- thanks for the reminder! I'll definitely make an effort to get to the library for some "me-time" literary treats. I need to get out of this emotional funk and find a good attny, but its hard to think logically when you feel so helpless and hopeless- so thanks for getting me started in the right direction. And thanks for caring! SG
  6. Happy Holidays Selfi! Sorry I missed a few days here, but I wanted to check in on you. Glad everything ended well and doubly glad Santa spoiled you! SG
  7. Ok, I just thought about something...I think the real problem is that I can't escape my ex. I actually was doing really well, and had moved on. I hadn't looked at his myspace page, hadn't even thought about him since august. One day I just decided I'd had enough of his lies and being controlled and quit him cold turkey. I put everything that reminded me of him in the garbage or in a box out of my sight. I spent two months working on myself, got a better job, started socializing and doing the things I love again. Life was looking up, I was feeling happy and good about myself, I'd actually regained the confidence that I'd let him take away from me! Then two weeks ago, after finally thinking I'm healed, I've moved on, and that man is out of my life forever, life is good....he served me with papers stating that I have some of his possessions, and he is taking me to court over them. This is insane, because I didn't even get to get my own things out of the house, as he wouldn't let me! He decided what I got to keep, threw out most of my things, and humiliated me constantly the entire time. I let him keep everything that was ours, I didn't even get alimony. I have, in reality, very little of value since Hurricane Katrina came along, and can't even get to court nor afford an attny. This is such a mess, I just want him out of my life, I want to forget my horrible, loveless marriage. I want him to leave me alone, I don't even understand how or why he can't just leave me alone. I feel so helpless, and am so hurt by the injustice of this situation. I thought I was going to be doing better, but I feel like he'll just never let me, and I'll never be able to escape him.
  8. Thanks, Ellie! Nice to see you, I've been wondering how you've been. (well, I hope!) Those are great suggestions, thank you for them. Unfortunately my finances are pretty tight, so I can't afford any indulgences right now, maybe I'll dedicate February to pampering... Unfortunately, my ex did some work on my credit- it was perfect before we met. Now I can't help but dreading the future, thinking about the fact that I'll never be able to buy a house or a new car again. I'll never be able to get student loans, which means I can't get my masters at the expensive school that I worked so hard to get into. I feel so hopeless and useless. So here I am, no future, and lots of baggage now, I've aged about 10 years in the last year, my skin is terrible and I can't afford a decent haircut-- who'd want me? I wish I could just snap out of it, or go somewhere and get my head clear. Road trips have always made me so happy, but my car isn't so reliable these days, and I don't quite have the money to fix it....it's terrible to feel so trapped! I wish I could get perspective, and move on, and get my ex and his lies and cruelty out of my head. I even tried telling myself it's the weather that is making me miserable, because it's been raining for days, but nothing is working to help me snap out of it. I promised myself that I'd do a lot of chores I needed to catch up on today, because my place is a mess, but I don't even have the energy to make my surroundings decent. I feel like an ugly old pig wallowing in her filthy pen. Gosh, I just want to figure out how to feel better, move on and start my life over. Is there some secret to it? Some trick or technique that you can to follow to get your self back from this agonizing abyss?
  9. omg, what a terrible day! It hurts, it just won't stop hurting. I've never been a huge fan of Christmas, but this year was the pits...I couldn't stop thinking about my (now ex) nieces whom I will never be able to buy presents for again. I wonder if my ex-huband's new fiancee (they were engaged before we were divorced) will get them presents that they like better. I wonder if they already forgot me? I feel so empty, so alone. I just spent Xmas eve in a bar, being hit on by my "friend" as his girlfriend bought the bar drinks with his money. How depressing! I just don't know how to stop feeling so horrible anymore. I'm exhausted from feeling so terrible. I want to be in my warm bed, but I can never be in it again, because SHE is in it. SHE is in my bed...I really want to hate her, especially since my ex bought her the ring I wanted, but I don't have the energy to hate anyone. In fact, I just don't have energy period. I am so miserable, I just want to crawl under a rock until things stop hurting....I hurt, so much, emotionally and phyusically that I even took Excedrin PM hours ago, in the hopes that the hurt would go away and I'd be able to sleep through Christmas... Instead I had nightmares about my ex and kept waking up. I feel so pathetic, I hate feeling this way! Anyway, thanks for letting me vent.
  10. Selfi: Maybe you could say something like: "Nice to hear from you, glad you're doing so well! My bank info is XXXXX, thanks for handling this. Have a wonderful holiday season. -Selfi" Something cheerful, vague and emotionless like this reveals nothing about you, so he is not empowered in knowing you are suffering. I don't know him so I could be wrong, but this letter smacks of self certainty to me...It's like he's reeling you in to see if you're still caught. I know it is cruel, and I in no way mean to be hurtful, but I have a feeling he may be testing you to see if he could possibly still fall back on you, in case another relationship doesn't work out. That sucks to say, so I really hope it's not true...but in case it is, please guard your heart! Otherwise you could keep going through this, taking him back over and over... Love yourself!
  11. Kickedin: Be careful of continuing to attempt communication with her from here on out... She has made it really clear, and has it in writing that she doesn't want to talk to you. You don't want her filing a restraining order against you or something! You do deserve to get the bad feelings off your chest, yes, but maybe it'd be best to get them off your chest to a friend instead. The best way to prove your strength and "backbone" in this situation is to take the high road and not contact her ever again. If you want revenge, remind yourself that the best revenge is living well!
  12. Hmmm, so she tells you to move on but still has time for you and you think she just wants you as a back-up in case the new flame doesn't work out.....is it possible she is playing the games? You could take what she said literally and assume she wants you to move on because she told you to. In that case, why would you need to IM her? Friends don't need to be in touch every minute of the day. I found it easiest to block, then delete my ex's name from my IM. If you just block her, you'll still see her name, and you'll be wondering what she's up to...you'll want to say hi when she's online...and then she may not want to chat back...torture! It's a lot easier not to have little reminders of her everywhere, then you can start thinking of other things and begin the healing process.
  13. Ok, you know what, I couldn't even read the rest of the posts after this one- I can't even read this anymore I am getting so angry at him. I haven't posted here on months, I've been feeling too beaten and exhausted, but I can't stand anyone going through this-- per your quote, you did nothing of the sort! you did NOT neglect him, he soooo obviously cheated, lied and treated you without the respect you deserve. This is his doing, not yours! I went through the same thing, I was told and thought I was a "bad wife" when I found the lacy panties next to my bed.... so think about what I just said. Am I a "bad wife" because my husband lied and cheated? NO! So, in the same vein of thinking, did your supposed neglect cause Larry to stray????? No, honey. He took advantage of your trust. This is not your fault. Please, please, PLEASE believe me. You DO NOT DESERVE THIS PAIN. You are a good person in a Sh---y situation, you do not deserve this, there is nothing you could have done to prepare for this utterly horrible betrayal. And you know what? He may be happy with her now, but he is sharing NOTHING with her except lies and deceit. The difference is that she knows about it, whereas you did not in the end. I doubt you were the first, and I doubt she is the last. Keep it up, don't bring bad kharma upon yourself, keep venting here. hugs to you sister, hang in there....we are ALL rooting for you!!!!!
  14. As usual, I completely agree with Ellie! You DO deserve closure, but based on your ex's actions, it doesn't sound like you will get it. You'll have to get closure on your own, only you can do this for yourself! Noone can heal you but you right now. I went through a similar situation with my (ex) husband, he told me over the phone he wanted a divorce...I never got a chance to communicate with him, nor share my hurt feelings with him....but I did write in my journal, go hiking, find new interests and friends, write cathartic letters to him which I never intended to send, etc. Now he is engaged to someone else, and just gave her the ring I wanted! There is nothing I can do about his callous attitude, just like there is nothing you can do to change what you went though! But I have to tell you, if I hadn't been working on me, for me, the news about the ring would have hit me a lot harder than it did. Thanks to all the hard work I did to achieve closure on my own, rather than sending me into ice-cream and tears for a week, the news about the ring stung for a few minutes, and then I realized I wasn't that bothered about it. If you call him, you'll probably end up feeling worse, as he will likely say something you don't want to hear! Don't embarrass yourself by calling, just do what you can to heal yourself till you feel better, regardless of his reasoning for leaving!
  15. Hello sinas! Hmm, tough situation. It may sound overly simple, but have you just ASKED him what you can do or say to make him feel more reassured? Have you told him that you are there to stay and very willing to stop your damaging behavior? Try that, and let us know his response...but please keep in mind, it sounds like you are taking all the blame for the problems in the relationship. You have to communicate, and it has to be a two-way street! Good luck- sg
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