Jordan5571

Day 1006 and thinking of breaking NC tomorrow. See post in healing after breakup. All advise welcome.

Well, I am still breathing and I am ok. The last time she called me was on Oct 23rd, the night before what would have been our 2 year anniversary. But that was a different post that I am letting die. It has been 116 days of NC. Although I have not been counting, just a little math right for the post. 2,763 hours, 42 minutes, 11 seconds, no 12 seconds, no 13 seconds, that’s it im done counting. Lol I also make sure that no one talks to me about her and I deleted her from my MySpace and surprisingly have had the will power to not look at her profile since the day we broke up. It is still very hard. I am still sad, but I am ok. I do not want her back, but I want to hear that she wants me back. Actually, I want nothing more than to forget about her. She is slowly disappearing, but it will take a lot more time. Last night was my brothers last show (band broke up). Everyone knew I would be there as I have not missed a show really in 7 years (ok I missed a few). I guess part of me thought that if she wanted to see me, she would have shown up. I think it is hard to not know about it because she used to be on their myspace and a few of her friends used to be fans. But maybe she didn't know. All in all, she didnt show up and I was ok with that. I wasn’t expecting her too, just was open to the thought, maybe more than open. Its better this way, because knowing now that she will never again know in advance where I will be, the ideas of her trying to find me are gone. That should help. I am getting better about trying to not live in the past. I am finding I can control the thoughts about her much more lately, but it still doesn’t feel ok yet. But I am glad to see after 6 months of being apart I am not moping around still. I went through a lot of changes since the above. I changed who I was a lot. I trust people more now (that part is a bit opposite than you would expect, usually people trust less, then again, I am not talking about trusting a new relationship). I moved to Hollywood, (I used to hate Hollywood, but I love it so much now). I quit my job and took about 3 months off, (I lived off the money I was saving for her, how do you like that?). I made some friends. I even took up motorcycle riding (friends and family think its a death wish. Its not, I know its dangers in CA to ride, but I am not doing it for any reason other than I just enjoy it). I just started a new job last week which I think might be nice. All in all, this was just an update to say I am still here. I wanted to tell all of you because I love how supportive you all were and I know we all care about each other. Thanks everyone. I will continue to heal. Keep in touch.

I know, I just hate seeing someone upset and I am used to people confiding to me. I told her that this guy is BS since he has hardly known this girl.. I certinly am not going to push myself to hang out with her. But I will if she wants me too. I appriciate her as a friend. But all you said is right. I just wanted to be prepared for when she does ask again for help.

Hi Everyone. You have all helped me so much in my healing process. I am still extremly sad, but getting better. This one actually is not for me. I need advice on how to help my friend. She is my new roommate. I have known her for a long time. She and I get along, but even though she annoys me with her reaction to my kindness, and I think I annoy her at times, I do not want to see her hurt. Me and her do not communicate well at all. never fight, but frusterating. Last night, she cut her eye, I had two ours sleep the night before, and when I got off of work she told me so I ran home and took her to the hospital. I waited there with her for 4 hours. She appriciated it. Today, she called me and I thought it was to tell me how she was doing. She was crying. I assumed it was for the pain. She said J*** got married. Now, I do not know this guy nor do I know the story. All I know is that he is our neighbor and she cried one day really bad becuase she said she is inlove with a man that can never be the man that she needs him to be. He is still the neighbor by the way. She seems ok now, although she is great at hiding things, she is such a strong soel. I tried to console her on the phone, I assume that she called me becuase of that. I am usally great at helping others. But I am confused on this becuase we dont communicate well and becuase I do not know the situation. I told her that we are hanging out tonight after her work. She said she thinks that she thinks she is just going to go home. I assumed she ment our home, but she didnt she means her home state. Any suggestions? You now know as much as I do. Thanks everyone! Love, J.

Thank you!

So, if about 2 years into it, i spray some oxytocin on my shirt, i can extend things? Strange, but i happen to have some!

hmmm.... I do not think that was IMing language. I think there is a language barrier. I might be mistaking, but based on some of the words, I do not think this is their primary language. And we should be patient of that. Not trying to be defensive. Just my 2 cents.

:shocked!: Meow! :shocked!:

She and I were both talking about getting married long before. A month before she left me, she asked when am I going to propose, I basically said soon. 2 weeks before leaving me, she said she had a "happy" dream, that we were pregnant. Then changes her mind.... It is tough to think of going through another relationship allowing her to get my guard down, and beleiving her when she tells me that she wants me and only me for the rest of her life. And a family with me. It is going to be tough to believe a girl's feelings. But.... This is what I will do. I will still put 100% and let myself in. But its hard knowing one day it can just slip away... I am doing better though!

Damn,.... no playing..... come here!

I know and I appriciate everyone. I think you are all my friends and I wont forget that. And I like being here too. Not just for my own stuff, but it nice to help others as well. Thanks guys. And on that note, know any hot great girls in So Cal for me? They can be my Sugar Momma! Just kidding... but seriously.... Nope, just kidding! Love you all, Jordan

Thanks Sparkle, If your Avatar was only real.... What I would do for a date with Ms. Rabbit! Wow, flash back to fantacies about a cartoon!

You are right! Thanks, Rose. (Rose is my buddy! )

Rose, I agree. And I kind of said that strait out to her when she called. That she needs to find someone to lean on, but not me. Although, a little confession, you said I do not want to let her know? But I have, to a point. Last time we talked was an example. I did not beg or ask directly, she was opologizing again for breaking promises about being with me forever, I said: "please stop opologizing. I know you did not try to hurt me and I know you would never want to hurt me, but unless the next words out of you after opologizing are that you made a mistake and really want to get back together, it is is not helping anyone. So please stop, I understand..." And at the end of the conversation I said to her "feel better babe, I love you and I miss you, and I will talk to you another time..." I was not fishing, but I just wanted to say it.

You are right... I just hate to see her doing that, especially when she calls me and tells me that she has no life anymore and how did it get this way? I believe what you said about the bottom comment, but just to understand, why is it bad?