HOPELESSINCT

Again, this is exactly what I have been thinking and you are right, why did he? These are questions I want to ask my X but just like you I'm sticking to the NC rule. Up until the day he dumped me, that morning when I spoke to him, he answered the phone saying "Good Morning Sweetie!" This is the stuff that's making me nuts. I don't think there is an answer for it and if there was, would it make us feel any better knowing. Would an explaination make it hurt any less? Would it erase the fact that it happened in the first place? I really, honestly don't think so. My mom keeps telling me that "everything happens for a reason" I'm trying to keep that in mind when I start thinking about the horrible stuff he said. Maybe a higher power could see what I couldn't see and felt it was time for me to see the real person. I don't know and I'm sorry for the rambling, just hang in there and try to move forward, as I will, instead of revisiting the past. I'm sending you a hug, (((((hug))))) cause that is what I miss the most right now. Hope it helps. Best of Luck and remember, you are not alone!

I have 19 years at this job. If I resign, I lose the part of my pension that my employer contributed. It's an even match, what I put in, they put in. Plus, I checked into this with my HR department, I get hit with penalties for early withdrawal. He became my boss 2 ½ years ago. The woman that he dumped me for is only there a year. I keep thinking do I want these guys to force me out of a job that I have been doing for all these years. As much as I would like to resign, I can’t. My pride and financial situation right now won’t let me. I’m going to go to the meeting. I’ll look my best and act like the professional I have always been and then if I have to have a break down, do it on the way back to my office. I like your mom’s way of thinking and you are right, he’s acting like a 7 year old. Thanks for the support and great advice. Your very wise.

I think it is harder when you are the one that was dumped. All those feelings that you have, I have had too. It's hard to open up, trust, then we do and get hurt by that person. Will I ever be able to do that again? It's just hard and disheartening. I like the way joyce1412 thinks and I hope one day I can have that outlook but right now, just like you, I'm not there. Hang in there, take care of yourself and know that you are not alone.

I know exactly how you feel. It's only been a little over a month for me and I have kept the NC going but truthfully, I think that if I did have contact, he would want nothing to do with me. I live a a small town and I see my X almost once a week. Either passing on the highway or in town but each time, I just act like I don't see him. It breaks my heart cause I'm doing just what you are. I'm thinking the same things and remembering the person that I fell in love with. That good, kind, loving, your the only one for me, I've searched lifetimes for you person. I tend to forget the ugly, mean, very cold person that dumped me. Why do we do this? I don't know. Last night, after a full day of crying, non-stop, I dragged my sorry butt into the shower, got dressed and headed to our local WalMart to pick up a few things. I was kinda proud of myself that I was doing something other than sitting around crying. On the way, called my mom to see if she needed anything and was still on the phone with her heading into the parking lot and as I pulled in, there was his jeep. I lost it. Starting crying again and my poor mom didn't know what to do. I froze. I couldn't get out of the car. I couldn't stop crying. I decided to leave and as I'm heading down the highway to go home, he came flying pass me. I was a mess and still am. I wish I had words of wisdom to share with you because I believe that your heart is where mine is right now. All I can say, is that you are not alone. I wish for you what I have been wishing for me. An understanding and some peace within myself that if this were meant to be, it would be. Nothing I can do or say will make him come back. So I have to grieve, move forward with my life and hope someday that I can look back on this and know that it was the right thing and it was meant to be this way. I will say a prayer for the both of us today. Best Wishes.

My entire family has said all those things about my X. My question back to them was, "Why didn't anyone say anything to me?" Apparently, they tried in mild ways to show me that the person I thought was so great was actually a very miserable and hateful person. I made excuses for his behavior. He's tired, he's got allot of stress, he's not good at the family thing etc. I have to remember that my family is also hurting. They accepted my excuses and loved him in spite of his behavior. Now, they have to see me everyday and see the devastation that he caused me. I look at it as he was my addiction and addiction is a family disease. His departure and reasons for it, another woman, were so sudden to me and my entire family. They are trying to make sense of it, make me feel better and show me the reality of my relationship not the fantasy that I created. They have the best of intentions and they are providing support that I couldn’t live without right now. If it’s too much for you, tell them it’s too much. I just try to remember this when they start with the negative things. The truth hurts and it takes allot for someone, who loves you and already knows your hurting, to hurt you even more, even if it is for your own good. Best of Luck!

I have to attend a work meeting in the same building as my X on Tuesday. I've had mixed feelings about this and have gone back and forth over making an excuse to get out of it. The room where the meeting is being held is about 25 feet from his office. Although he was my boss until he dumped me, he has moved a person between us so that he does not have to deal with me. Even if I skip out on the meeting, which is what I think I'm going to do, I still have to attend monthly leadership meetings, conducted by my X. I told my new boss that I wasn't going to attend the leadership meetings and he told me that I had too. To top things off, the person that he dumped me for works in that building also. It's only been 5 weeks since the breakup and I know I'm not emotionally ready to see him or her. There has been NC for 4 weeks. What the heck do I do? I worked really hard on the project that we are meeting about on Tuesday. Professionally, I want to see it through to the end but I'm still in the pits over this breakup and can cry at the drop of a hat. Plus, he's been really nasty with trying to cause problems in my office with an employee that is a good friend of his. I wouldn't put it past him to come into the meeting just to get a reaction out of me in front of my fellow employees. He's been telling everyone that I am a crazy person that pop's her lid for no reason at all. This is the reason he gave everyone for dumping me. Truth is, this is to cover up the fact that he dumped me because he's seeing a married woman. I wish I was a stronger person. I wish I could just act like he is nothing to me but all those years, spending everyday together and then out of the blue, he's gone. I had no clue. How do I do this? I've always been able to remain a professional no matter what situation I had to deal with at work and now thats gone too. He's taken everything from me. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Your hurt, it stinks and believe me, I've been where you are. I thought of all kinds of revenge and had the dirt to do it. Thank God I didn't. Work thru your hurt and pain, don't try to inflict it back on her, you'll be the better person for it. I wish you the best of luck.

Thanks vandqsmom, I'll try to remember "there is no way to find a rational explanation for an irrational situation." Accepting is a part of the healing process and my heart is still hurting. I hope my heart and head soon start thinking on the same page but til then, I'll just keep leaning on and listening to kind people like you!

Well, you asked my opinion so I will give it to you. You are a very wise person. Your right, if I would take my heart out of the situation and just leave it to my brain, my relationship with my x was exhausting. There were days I thought what the heck am I doing here. There were days I just wanted to go home or have him go home. He has to be the most negative person that ever walked this earth and I started to take on that negativity. Thanks for the reality check. Still hurts because good or bad, it was mine but I'll keep coming back to your post every time I start slipping into "I lost the love of my life thing." I like the grass is greener too. Thanks for the great post.

Yes, it does seem sometimes that when it rains it pours. Just hang in there. My relationship was almost as long as yours and its only been a little over a month since the breakup. I did the driving past he x's house, it was comfort for a short moment but then it was pain. Pure and simple so I stopped. My father committed suicide and as a survivor I can tell you I am very happy you didn't suceed. Try to remember that you need to take care of yourself. Do what you need to do for you now and don't let anyone else, not even your x, tell you what that is. I wish you the best of luck and will say a pray for your father and you.

Thanks melrich. I'm glad you responded. In the mood I'm in, no responses would have put me over the edge. Guess it shows how hurt I am. I was looking for support and was disappointed that I got only one response but greatly appreciate your comments.

I have to work with my x and have had to have contact with him since the break-up, one month ago. I don't know how I did it but I kept it on a strictly professional level. Treat him as you would any other co-worker. It will be tuff and you may fall apart afterwards but in front of him remain professional. Good Luck and Stay strong!

I've been reading on this site for several days now and have wanted to respond but felt I should share my story before doing so. Was married at 17, mother at 17, married to a man 7 years older than me. Marriage lasted approx. 22 years till the day he told me he didn't love me, didn't think he ever did and that was that. This is where it gets tricky. Prior to the whole I don't love you speech, I became friends with a co-worker. I hated him the first time I ever laid eyes on him. First impression, was an arrogant!$#@ and took his job, as a security guard at a local nursing home way to serious. Anyway, came in contact with him a few years later, he had taken another job and was introduced by a friend. I started talking to him and decided I may have been a bit off with my first impression, we became friends. As my marriage was unraveling, we became closer. As his marriage was unraveling, we became closer. We told our sob stories, decided our spouses were in the wrong and felt all the better for it. His spouse kicked him out first and then I left mine several years later, right after the I don't love you speech. That was approx. 8 years ago. Since then, we have dated. I lived in my house, he lived in his but we had been together everyday since then. My mornings started with a wake up call from him saying good morning sweetie. My nights ended with a good night call that went like this, every night, "Sleep well, have sweet dreams and always remember and don't ever forget, you are and always will be my dream of gold, 24 carats." Including the night before he dumped me. To make a long story short, I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. He told me he had searched lifetimes for me and finally found me and was never going to let me go. My children loved him like a father; my family took him in and made him a part of our family. It was great. 2 1/2 years ago, he became my boss, 18 miles away in separate buildings but still my boss. Big title, lots of respect and things were going great. The job came with lots of stress, for the both of us but I thought that things were still going strong. Then came a new employee in his building. He didn't like her at first, I knew her as a childhood friend and said she was nice and so started the friendship of the 3 of us that soon became the 2 of us but I didn't know it till he dumped me. Apparently everyone else knew it but me. One morning, 36 days ago, my son called me from jail to tell me that he was being arraigned in 4 hours for aggravated assault. I was devastated. Kind of went into crazy mode and said and did things that weren't that smart at the time. I think I was in the middle of a nervous breakdown that was just waiting to happen. My son, I now know and then suspected was an alcohol and drug addict. I apologized immediately after I realized what I had said and ask that he understand that I was under a tremendous amount of stress at the time. He refused to forgive me. He said that my son, I and my family were an embarrassment to him and he didn't want any of us near his children. The same children that I have treated like my own since we were together. With my son on his way to Rehab, I lost it all. I couldn't believe that the same man that had gone to bed the night before, telling me "Sweet Dreams…" I love you had dumped me so coldly and cruelly. He said many more nasty things till we exchanged each others stuff 4 days later and each time it was like it was a different man talking to me. Now, 36 days later, I'm still a mess. Don't care about work, have no friends cause he didn't like my friends so I dropped them for his friends that are still his friends, my son is back from Rehab, working his program and moving forward, I am driving my mom and sisters and daughters crazy trying to figure this out and all the while, everyone else knew that he was seeing this other woman but me. Now, they don't even try to hide it. Oh and the kicker of the whole thing is that she has a paralyzed husband, of 7 years, in a bedroom of her house. So, apparently, she is even needier then I was when I hooked up with him. Knowing all this logically, I never want to see his face again. However, it doesn't stop the hurting. I miss the idea of that morning and good night call. I miss just having someone. I miss the things that I thought were real. The singing to me, the your beautiful sweetie, holding hands, hugging, etc. I just want my brain to kick the crap out of my heart for being such a sap. Just thought if I put my story out there, it might make me feel better. I want to move forward but like I said, they both work for the same place as me and its hard not seeing them or not having someone say something to me about them. I hate that he used my son as the excuse to get out. I read a lot of posts about cowards and this one is the lowest of the low. My son sat at Rehab thinking that the breakup was his fault. I kept beating myself up for losing it that day and not being very nice to anyone including him. I reran every second through my brain and apologized sincerely for everything I said and in the end; it had nothing to do with my son, me or my family. It was him taking the cowardly way out by blaming everyone else but himself. How in the heck do you survive this? Any feed back would be greatly appreciated. I know that I deserve this because he is repeating his pattern but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I really did love him and his children. Oh and the end of the story is that his children's mother got in contact with me when she heard what happened and thanked me for being so good to her sons over the years, for taking care of them and she said that they miss me and she would like for them to see me and be a continuing part of their lives. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!