pig_tails

Hi people! Issue 1. I don't know where to begin but anyway.. i'm 22, I've been working at a dentist for almost a year and i became good friends with the dentist who's 29 (in that friendly/family type sort of way) and we just liked hanging out..laughing etc.. so we ended up going out.. its been 3months now.. but very very intense!!.. We see each other almost everyday.. and his just someone totally different to who i thought he was. He lives on his own, doesn't have many friends..as they are all married etc..,his family lives far away.. so i guess his a very lonly person. He always gets sad when i meet my friends for dinner or have to go home early to have dinner with my family.. working with him everyday is not enough.. he expects me to be with him constantlyy!!! his always saying he loves me...20 times a day.. he buys me things.. which i really do not care for.. i tell him not to buy it.. then he'll feel rejected and get all cut up.. i just couldn't deal.. and wanted to end things but i just felt so sorry for him... but couple days ago... i tried to do it.. after a night out with friends i just had the guts to do it.. and it full backfired.. he said that he thinks we're drifting apart because for a week i've been seeing my friends, and no time for him... oh my gosh.. so i said.. yes i guess we have drifted.. i just don't think its right anymore.. and... he went crazy on me.. saying his going to kill himself.. (i actually feel he will do it because his been depressed and he has no life going for him..except the dental surgery which stresses him outt sooo much)... so i was freaking out.. didn't know what to do.. and told him his being a stupid idiot.. but he kept crying and saying if i don't love him.. he doesn't want to live no more etc.. what am i suppose to do in that situation~??? i was losing it.. crying.. thought he was bluffing.. but anyways.. .he told me he'll watch over me.. and started talking crap.. i was justt soo worried.. but just left him alone..hoping he wont do nothing. Next day he calls me 40 times.. tellin me to come over his house because his all numb.. his head is hurting because he been banging his head against this glass thing.. so i told him.. okay.. i'm not breaking up with you.. (so i can just calm him down...what am i suppose to do?? i was so scared he was going to lose it agains)... and said i want to work somewhere else though... so then.. he still went crazy.. i told him.. it strresses me out so much.. we fight constantly.. etc.. he just doesn't get it.. he says if i loved him i would stay and help him out.. ... what the....?? but i was firm and said.. no...so i gave him my 2 weeks notice.. but still he tells me to work just 1 day so we don't drift.. he tells his parents.. all 3 of them trying to make me stay in the surgery.. IT FEELS LIKE I'M IN PRISON!! anyways.. he says fine.. i can quit.. but i can't work at another dentist!... OH MY GOSH!!! this guy really wants to ruin me right?? I feel like i cant breathe!!.. i'm scared if i run away his going to go nuts and kill himself..because his that crazy... (he needs evereything in order, can't go to public toilets...only his own..his majorly obsessive compulsive).. but.. i do care for him still.. not in that romantic sense.. but sort of like a family love type way.... I don't know what to do nomore........ i felt like calling the cops on him if he said he'll kill himself one more time.. and when he said.. his always nice and kind to people but in the end they treat him back like sh*t and the world's going to pay.. yes.. i was scared then.. But strangely... after a certain cool down period.. his full in denial.. and acts as if nothing happened~!!.... like NOTHING at all... and i'm scared to bring it up again.. because my emotional stability right now is out of whack!!... because i couldn't deal... me being the anti-drug girl who's never touched any sort of drug.. i did ecxtasy and pot 2 days ago.. i feel like my life is falling apart!! and i'm just so lost in it!!! what am i suppose to do~?? Issue 2 Following on from the above.. during all the caos.. i've been hanging out with a guy friend (his 22).. who turned out he likes me.. and i who.. am in need of some support & normal affection.. we met each other alot in the past week.. (i did the drugs with him), and felt like life's exciting again.. because he raves and loves partying.. but now.. he thinks me and my dentist has broken up and thinks we're going out.. (he kissed me a couple days ago.. and i know i shouldn't have done this but i kissed him back..).... i'm not a person who cheats at all! i have always been faithful.. but..this time around.. i feel so lost... i don't know who i am anymore... At work.. i'm hiding who's calling.. and tell the dentist i'm meeting a girlfriend when i'm meeting this guy.. because he'll flip and probably say he'll kill himself.. this other guy.. has issues too.. i think his adhd... lol.. short temper.. etc.. and treats people like crap sometimes.. but anyways i stand up for myself and do not take that... & lastnight i told him.. this is not on anymore.. and his like sorry sorry.. etc.. then goes fine... be like that..never liked you anyway etc.. then he calls this morning..saying sorry..lets meet up etc.. then fine yeah.. i met him.. then he was just being the biggest smartass.. so i just had enough... he says sorry.. then says his had enough etc.. (i wasn't cut up or anything.. didn't feel anything when he said lets break the whole thing..)..so we went our separate ways.. then he calls and says.. please lets start over i'm so sorry etc... What the.................. i do not know what's wrong with me... and him and the dentist... I just want to run away and get away from everything..!!! What do i do~!??????? PLEASE HELP ME>>>.. any adviceee or anything.. will be great~!!!! please!! Thanks!!

Hi drum4god~ This sounds so identical in how my partner feels about me. I understand how you feel and how your gf might be feeling. This might sound bad but I am pretty much the same as your gf..the way i come accross to my bfs. Currently i'm in a serious relationship (almost leading to marriage, i'm 22, his 29), we are having the same problems (which makes it even worse because his my boss too..we see each other everyday, his the dentist i'm the nurse). yet although i am much younger than your gf.. i do understand her actions towards you. You may think she is not in love with you and if she really loved you she wouldn't be like that, but let me say this. Some women act cold because indirectly they want to show you that they are pissed off yet not want you to know??..if that makes any sense. Is she the sensitive type or maybe artistic?? Because they love you so much that even the little things will make them sad and make them all cold. I know this sounds screwed up but if she didn't love you or care for you, she will not get so sensitive over certian things. I know this because I am the same (but have finally realised over a year ago i have issues and seeing a dr for it). He said i had a personality sort of like borderline personality...seeing things black and white. I'm not saying she has that disorder but it might be wise of you to look into it. Because their relationships tend to be hot and cold. They want you, then they don't, and want you again. It's a never ending cycle if both parties don't understand this. I myself know i have issues and my partner knows this also. But sometimes i think i am too much trouble for him to deal with so i make up excuses and break up with him knowing that it is because i am not good enough and want him to have the best. The best thing is to let her be when she's cold and she'll come to you and talk to you when she's ready. I know that sounds incredibly selfish.. but that may be the best thing to stop all the heated arguments with each other. But even though i am like your gf, i think its very hard for you or my partner to deal with this sort of thing. I feel sorry for you and my partner having to go through this. p.s Sorry if my reply is very off the point. But i hope everything works out for you guys.

Hey people! Thnks for replies! it's really helpful =) Just an update! He called yesterday and asked me to come out to a mutual friends b'day dinner. When he called, his like i called you this morning but somehitng wrong with your phone.. and then i just joked saying ergh.. you liar.. as a joke.. i don't know why i said that -.-, well he called everyone and organised everything.. so it wasn't anything special he calling me.. anyways fast forward, i went to meet everyone, and one of his friends are like hey i'll send you a picture of 'the guy' .. so its like somehow they knew aswell?? so in a way i kept abit of distance from him. I also wasn't full laughing and talkative like on our date last week. Well at the dinner, there was like 20 people and we sat at different tables, because i was with some girls.. and vice versa. We didn't talk at all, i sort of pretended i was having a great time.. never looking at him.. and then dinner was done and we all wanted coffee so everyone hopped in different cars... so i hopped into a friends car and he went into someone elses car. At that point i felt like we were strangers? or back to day 1 i met him. While driving to the cafe i felt sick so basically i went home.. i didn't say bye to him or anything.. he didn't call either.. Is it me that's the problem here? Am i just sending out the wrong signals~??? Or is it him that's not interested?? What should i do`??? I'm just so scared if i show i like him, it may backfire?,

Hey people~! thanks for your replies~! I understand what you guys are saying.. i do have bad communication skills!! Usually to guys I like, I totally ignore them! But this one i feel i have made such an effort.. lastnight he came online and I had to say Hi first, he replies immmediatly and asks when we going to meet up etc. And so his like from all my stress from work and uni its no good for me, his going to be expecting some calls from me! So i'm like so i should call you? his like yes and so forth. So i bluntly came out and said you love girls calling you don't you? and replies laughing, maybe? girls calling me LMAO, where did that come from?, so I was just like laughing.. because you seem like it.. he replies: laughing and says he has to go but he might give me a call to break the trend!! What TREND? I feel like i'm being played.. or is it just paranoia?? well i said yea its cool. and go figure he didn't call!! In the past guys have told me i intimidate them etc.. but still, i was so open and easy going with this guy.. Am i being played?? It feels like his all recieving and i'm just giving~!!! If its just paranoia it may be because i've had a crush on him for along time.. =(

Hi people, i'm new here! This may be quite long so please dun get annoyed =p Well there's this guy (25yrs) i've known for over a year, and its always been just a hi + bye relationship, i see him every sunday for mass and theres always been something about him.. so i developed a crush on him.. i'm 20. His a very confident guy.. but when he comes to talk to me he seems to get nervous or something.. fast forward: he somehow got my msn and we started talking online and he seemed very curious about me.. he always wanted to know me but i seemed snobish.. but now after getting to know me more throughout the yr in minor convos he says im diff to other girls, im open etc.. Throughout the msn convos he'll be like we should get together outside of mass and then im like yeah sounds good!.. the other night he asked me what i liked to eat .. and said to lets meet up for dinner.. (i didn't think of it as a date..). On that night we hit it off big time and he'll constantly joke around about us going out.. like he'll grab my hand to show his friend we're goin out as a joke.. and i'l just laugh it off.. then he took to me a park..we talked bout some deep issues which was great! ...so i took it as wow my crush has interest in me? after the 'date' he msgs saying it was really good to spend time with me and his lookin forward to gettin to know me better.. so i replied saying i had fun etc.. Later that nite i came on msn, he doesn't say hi.. so i gave in and said hi, he replies immediately.. askin me to make a day for our 2nd meeting..? he was basically flirting with me in person and online.. and ended the msn convo with if you stress out at work tmr just prank me and i'l call. So next day, i pranked.. and he called immediately and acted as if he was my bf in a joking way.. so i laughed it off.. but he had to go out for awhile and told me to call him later if works stressful. But i refused to call again because i feel i don't want to show him i'm desperate. The next day i saw him at this function and he sits close to me sort of marking his territory and starts saying i was waiting for you to call back, i was going to call you but i thought u woulda been busy.. and his like why didn't u call, don't you want me?? (in a joking way).. so he kept on flirting etc.. i just laughed and said whatever.. and then my mum came and he was being really nice to her etc... and walked off to his other mates. Then the transition: i got stomache pains while sitting next to my mum and he came over and got medication for me, but then the function was finsihed he seemed rather distant? maybe it was because he was with his friends but it looked hard for him to come to me and talk etc.. he seemed to be avoiding me? I was with friends but still there were times i was standing alone and he didn't come over.. i sort of pretended i didn't notice him - i tend to do that when i like someone, and he did the same thing to me too!! We didn't even really say bye to each other! Then after i went out with people from the function and thought he was coming but he didn't. So next morning i msged him and asked why he wasn't there lastnight and that i'm not comin to mass so have a good week! and asked for this church guys number aswell!, so he replied with the number and asked if i had a good time lastnight. I replied "thanks!! It was ok, should of came! i haven't had any sleep rr.." Well he hasn't replied..or called.. Im confused! usually if his interested wouldn't he call or keep the msging going? ending with open-ended questions?? I'm a very guarded person when it comes to boys, but this one i feel i gave in too easily.. i feel like i'm being desperate or i'm the one who has to iniate something... His had a bad past.. father abandoned his mum and him and came back when he got cancer and died. His been through alot, he doesn't get along with his mum, his life stage is more like a 20 yr old. He hasn't had a gf in ages and he did tell me he has low confidence in girls etc.. and he hates the way he looks etc... You reckon his just insecure??? Is he interested or what?? What do you think i should do?, wait for him to make the move? Sorry if this sounds all petty and stupid but i feel like i'm going nuts~!! So please any opnions will be great~! Thanks so much!!