whitelilly

i know. its a hard one hence me coming here. i dont want to lose him over this, i love him so much and it hurts so bad to think of us breaking up. i guess it's up to him, if he cant stop this and i cant break up with him i'll have to deal with it. i might wait a week or so to cool down, and if its still bothering me ill confront him about it. if he brings it back onto me about snooping, i guess if he wasnt doing anything wrong in the first place it shouldnt matter eh?

I said "I know you wouldn't appreciate me putting photos of myself naked up online" and he said "i probably wouldnt like it too much, but it's your body, you can do what you like, i wouldn't tell you you had to remove it" that's when i said, that I wasn't trying to control him by telling him what he can and cannot do, but more that I was really hurt by it.

My boyfriend and I have been going out for about a year now. We get along well, but sometimes our fiery tempers means arguments. Its never anything too serious. We are in love + it's really great. He makes me feel special, and looks after me well. The only problem is, he has an extremely high sex drive. Our sex is wonderful, no problems there. He has told me it's the bext sexlife he has had, and it's not like I am not satisfying him... but then he has to watch so much porn! It's not porn that bothers me, really.. I know a lot of guys enjoy watching it. But recently I found he has an online profile at a porn sharing thing, kinda like myspace... with all these girls added to his list. Reading what he wrote about these "everyday" girls made me feel so sad. He even had naked photos of himself up. I confronted him about it, as I stumbled accross it by an accident, and it caused a fight. I told him the reason I felt so bad is that it made me feel like I wasnt enough for him, that if you love someone why should you be going online to perve on other women like that? and have photos of yourself up? and write such things about them? He had issues with me, like I was snooping around. He tried to tell me it was all a joke, even though I didnt believe him. (with what he wrote to them, it was hard to believe its a joke) when I told him I didn't believe him, he told me I had to trust him or we would break up, because he doesn't believe in relationships without trust. He deleted his photos, but can't delete the profile (it deletes when it hasnt been used) Problem is, I went to have a look today and his photos are back up! New ones, more explicit! And he's back to what he was doing before. Is this normal to feel hurt? He didn't exactly "LIE" to me, because he never said he was going to not use it anymore.. but even after he knows how hurt I was, he still went back to it. Like he can't help himself. I know he wouldnt cheat on me, but I still feel hurt. I don't feel like I can confront him about it now, as it will look like I am snooping & will make him angrier. But I can't get it out of my head. It's really hurt me. What should I do?

I have known him for about a year. We have been good friends for about 6 months, and for the last 2 months we have been seeing each other nearly every day..

Hello.. I agree with morning_star. There is no time limit at all, when it happens, it happens. When two people are new in relationships, things take a little longer. I remember my first boyfriend, it took ages to kiss! I ended up making a joke about how we hadn't kissed, and that's how we ended up kissing. As you get more experienced and more comfortable with kissing people, things tend to speed up a little. Just go with the flow

Hi, I previously posted regarding liking my friend and not knowing if he felt the same way.. Well, the other night we went out with some friends, and he got extremely drunk. One thing led to another and we ended up kissing and it nearly led to sex. He told me that he really liked me, and that he knew we would end up kissing.. (As I previously mentioned, there had been what I thought was sexual tension in our friendship) He even said he really wanted to go out with me. Then the next day, he was oblivious to it all! He says he can't remember anything after a certain point (which was quite a bit before we got together) I don't know if he's saying he can't remember because he is embarrassed (he was extremely drunk, and was saying and doing some pretty funny stuff) or if he really doesn't remember. I told him that we kissed.. but we haven't talked much about it anymore. Do you think that him being drunk means that it was meaningless? Or the other way around, that he was speaking the truth because he was drunk? I can only assume that this is going to happen again, but I don't want to make any moves if it was something he can't remember and didn't really want to do!

Thanks guys! Really great advice. Darkblue, when you say that we all miss friends.. this is different. This is definetely a "missing a crush" thing, where you get all anxious because you start wondering WHY they haven't called etc. Hehe, funny things, crushes. But, all of your advice has been great. I will wait it out and see how it goes, if the feeling is still there after a while longer, I will pursue it. I have flirted with him, and he flirts too but we both are pretty flirty people by nature, so I won't base it all on that. He was pretty full on one night, and I had this feeling he was going to make moves.. but I wasn't sure what I was feeling at that point and didn't want to make any rash decisions, so I kind of avoided it all. We have mutual friends, and one of his friends, I dated for a little while.. I am not sure if he knows this.. but if he does, it could be holding him back. Anyhow, I will wait it out and I'll let you know what happens for sure! Thanks again

I have been friends with this guy for a few months now. For the past few weeks we have been seeing each other nearly every day.. and it's been a lot of fun. Lately, I have found myself attracted to him, sexually. There have been moments of tension, where I feel like something is about to happen but I have backed off because I am not sure if it should happen. The thing is, he is nothing like what I usually go for in guys. He is into really different things to me, and isn't what I "want" in a guy.. but I still feel these feelings. I am so confused though, as to whether or not he likes me as more than a friend. And how can I tell if all these feelings are because I have been alone for quite a while, and it's actually companionship that I am missing? Or that it's actually him and something that I should pursue? In the last few days I haven't seen him, and he hasn't sms'd me or called or anything, and I have found myself anxious! I really miss him. Yet, I am still so confused as to what I am feeling? I don't want to ruin our friendship though. Any advice as to what I should do would be appreciated! Mainly on whether or not I should pursue it, and if so, how? Thankyou!

yeah he kissed me, but i backed off because it was in front of my lecturers and other students (it was at this graduation thing) BUT i did explain that was why, not because i didn't want to.

Last night, I met this really cute guy out at this party. I have seen him around my college and always thought he was cute, but never had the opportunity to speak to him. Now, we got introduced and from then on we hung out together all night. He seemed really interested, saying things like he had noticed me around college, that he thought i was cute, and when i found out he was a few years younger than me.. he said he hoped that didn't change things etc etc. When it got a bit later, he said that he might not get the chance to see me again, (as i have completed college now) so we exchanged numbers. I asked him if he would call (so many guys get numbers, but never call) and he seemed enthusiastic about calling. Problem is, I was really quite drunk.. and wasn't acting like my normal self. So later on tonight, i sent him a text message just apologising about being as drunk as i was. He hasn't replied though. I later remembered him saying that he hoped I wouldnt wake up today and put hanging out with him and flirting down to alcohol. I immediately regretted sending that text message, because he might have thought that I was hinting at being drunk meaning I wasn't interested! I realise it's still early, and most people won't call for a few days anyhow. I am reaaaally interested in him. We got along so well.. I was thinking maybe I should call him in a few days if he hasnt called (as i get the impression i might not have let him know i was as interested as he was) Please give me any advice.. i am new to meeting people out and about, as all the guys i have dated have been mutual friends! I really want to give it a shot, because i dont have anything to lose really. What do i say, and how do i go about calling?

Only a few hours ago, I made the choice to end my relationship with a boy whom I have been dating for 7months. I have never ended a relationship before, and before this one, I came out of a very painful relationship, where I was dumped. Basically, I think I jumped into this one too fast, and as much as I hate the term "rebound" I feel he could have been one. The problem is, I don't know how to deal with it properly? He is absolutely crushed, telling me I am his one love and life isn't worth living without me. It killed me to have to do it to him, I care about him a lot, and I hate to see him in so much pain. I felt I had to end it, because he loved me, and I wasn't in love with him. I was causing a lot of pain for him. I started to become less interested in the relationship, and the more he clinged to me, the more I backed off. I became less affectionate, and our sex life basically was non existed. Generally, I was doing what my ex started to do to me, and I know how terribly painful it is for the person you love to do that to you. I just hate myself for doing this to him. I don't know how I should go about things from here on. I would love to be friends, but he doesn't think he can do it, which I totally understand; as I've been there before. As hard as this is going to be for me, I respect his wishes. I don't want to do the complete "no contact" thing though, as it all ended so suddenly. And I dont want him to think I don't care. Should I send him a SMS or drop him an email in a few days, just to see how he is going? I became friends with all his friends, so I know I'm going to have to give up my social life, to allow him space. This was a massive decision for me to have made, and now I have actually done it...I'm just unsure of how to go about it from here on...

It's been just over 2 months since the breakup with my ex. (He broke up with me) About three weeks ago, he contacted me and said he wanted to get back together and try it, as he misses being with me. Then I found out he was drunk, and that he doesn't want to get back together with me. Although he still misses me, he said when he was drunk he didn't think of WHY he broke up with me in the first place, which was because he didn't love me, and knew it wasn't going to be long term. So getting back together with me just because he misses me, and misses being with someone, he doesn't want to do, as he doesn't want to hurt me again. He told me that it was partially sex driven also, which hurt me SO much. I felt like I was back at square one again, as I was starting to get over things. I told him a lot of things I probably shouldn't, but I was just so hurt, and I was really honest. I am feeling much better now, as in, I am not "pining" over him anymore. Or crying often about him. Nor am I continuosly going over all our "good times" in my head like i was previously. And I am over wanting him back, after he contacted me again, I told him we couldn't be together. (when we first broke up i told him he had to tell me if he regretted it, but the fact he used that chance when he was drunk and didn't mean it, means i don't owe him any more chances) But I still think about him everyday. When we chat at college, I end up feeling upset afterwards - but more because he's friends with all MY friends now, and hearing about how much fun they are having without me is not making me feel much better. Basically, it's getting to the point where I want to stop thinking about him. It's starting to drive me insane, as I know it's coming up to 3 months now, and I just want to move on with things. I know I have come a long long way, from when we first broke up. Things are easier, but things have slowed down in the progression stage. Is this normal?? I was just wondering if this is how it works, that the first few stages you can notice how you are moving along, and then it kind of just slows down? I just want to feel ok with things again. Is three months a long time to still be thinking about your ex everyday? People have told me to "just not let it bother me" but it's easier said than done.

Well, things are the same pretty much as I posted my reply as that was only the other day. When we see each other at college, we chat. If we are both waiting for classes, we will sit down together and chat. It's mostly light talk about what we have been up to, and it goes quite smoothly between us. I still get upset, because I hear all about how great things are going, or he'll talk about what someone did, at that social event that I couldn't bring myself to go to alone. I guess I am upset that it can't be a stronger friendship, but really at the same time, I know that it can't be. It's too painful. I am under the belief that ex's can't be close friends, unless the breakup was entirely mutual. While there is pain, there is going to be awkwardness. At the moment, what I miss is his friendship, but if I was friends with him, I'd then miss the intimacy. Then it would just hurt too much. We shared too much, our relationship was too intense, for me to be able to go back to something, where I'd be constantly missing that extra step. So we do talk, and it's not bitter. I'm glad of that, but it still doesn't make it much easier. Sometimes, I wish I didn't have to see him as often as I do, because it would make it easier for me to get over things. Same as if I had other friends, because it's them that keep reminding me on what I am missing out on. But this is my situation, so I have to deal with it the best that I can. My future seems really unsure right now, as in, I can't vision how things will get easier with the friends issue, but I guess time will tell. I think my next biggest hurdle is when he starts dating someone else. I am really dreading it. But who knows? I could be with someone myself, or it could come around and I might handle it much better than I expected. I hope that things with your ex-girlfriend remain civil, at least. I think knowing that your ex could possibly be angry with you, hurts more than not being with them. If what you shared was as special to you as it sounds it was, you want it to remain civil. I think you really just need to distance yourself for a while. Talk to each other when you see each other, but I think the close friends thing is something you have to let go for a while, at least until you are properly healed. I found it SO hard to distance myself from him, and not message him on MSN for so long. But now I have him on block, only because everytime I'd speak to him, I'd bring up the relationship, or I'd take things the wrong way and get upset. Now I can unblock him when I want to speak to him. I know that sounds quite rude, but I really have to concentrate on getting over this. Plus, I am not blocking him because I dislike him, it's actually because I like him too much still. Goodluck, and keep me posted!

I think perhaps my post came off a little wrong. Most people seem to think he isn't treating me nicely. He is polite to me, and he does talk to me when I am out. He was very honest throughout the breakup, and although said some hurtful things (the truth) he said some very nice things to me also. I guess what I meant to say, is that all of this social awkwardness is really my choice. He doesn't care if I go out with them, it's me who thinks it's maybe a bad choice, and incidentally, I am sad that I can't bring myself to do it. I guess I have to think about my feelings now though. Thanks for the advice though, everyone. I think I do need to try and make some new friends, or simply take some time off and get over this pain before I try to hang out with that circle of friends again.

I'll try to keep the background info short........My boyfriend broke up with me 6 weeks ago. This was both our first loves, and we were best friends. Basically he broke up with me because he didn't know what he was supposed to feel in a relationship, and that he wanted to be able to just have space, do whatever he wanted, when he wanted and not have to worry about upsetting me. Plus, he didn't think he loved me, whereas I loved him so intensely he felt as though I deserved better. So things didn't end bitterly at all. Anyhow, when we broke up, I said I didn't think we could remain as best friends, as it was just going to hurt me too much. He begged me to remain friends with him, even said he wouldn't break up if it meant we couldn't be. We both agreed that we wanted to be able to talk and see each other at college OK, as we had no reason to be bitter towards each other. So for the first few weeks, we hung out at lunch time, and it really felt like we were still together. (Conversation wise) Everything was going good, and I'd feel good when I got home. But then I realised I was on a high from seeing him. And when I would then realise I wasn't with him, I'd just cry so much. Slowly, things died down, and now we see each other and our conversations are still fine, but they are about assignments and what we did on the weekend. This just makes it hard for me, because we shared so much and this all seems so weird to just be talking about such boring things. Plus, it's so hard hearing about how great his weekends are, and how terrible mine are. We are friends with the same people mostly, and we met by going to local shows. (bands) He was in a band that would play, so it worked in well. Anyhow, as much as I would love to go to see these bands, it just hurts too much now. I went a few times after we broke up, and I realised how many people I thought were my friends, are really now HIS friends. Even some that I introduced to him, are now closer to him. When I go, he talks to me, but then there are also moments where he will go off and socialise, and there I am left standing there watching how much fun he is having. Everyone talks to me, but for like 5 mins before they walk off. It's like they feel awkward knowing I was the dumped one or something. So i decided I shouldn't go to shows anymore, if it makes me feel so sad afterwards. It's no use hurting myself more, right? Then I sit home, and I'm so sad that I am missing out on something I enjoy doing. It's like a catch22 situation. It just hurts SO much to watch him having fun and getting along with everyone, and me to know that I am no longer a part of that anymore. I am also scared that he will meet someone else, and I don't want to have to deal with hanging out with him and his new girlfriend, I couldn't do it. So this leaves me here..... 6 weeks on, and hurting so much. The first few weeks I felt I was coping, but all of this social situation stuff is really hurting me, and I feel back at square one again. I have been out with some of my work friends, but it's not the same. I still wake up the next morning feeling terribly sad. Because I know what I really want to do, I can't. Even though I am not ready for another relationship, all the people I get along with so well, and have the same interests as me, go to see these bands..... so I can't even see myself meeting anyone new! After 6 weeks is it supposed to get easier than this? I feel like I am at the worst stage, it feels even worse than the start. I guess it's all becoming reality, as I am realising how much he's not in my life anymore. I don't miss the intimate side as much as I just miss his company, his friendship. But I know if we were to be friends, I'd then long for the intimacy. (I mean I do miss it alot, it's just everything about the person he is, that i miss the most right now.) I know so many people are going through this, but I feel so alone!