Jump to content

kohnny

Members
  • Posts

    21
  • Joined

Recent Profile Visitors

The recent visitors block is disabled and is not being shown to other users.

kohnny's Achievements

Apprentice

Apprentice (3/14)

  • First Post
  • Collaborator
  • Conversation Starter
  • Week One Done
  • One Month Later

Recent Badges

2

Reputation

  1. I'd say dont read anything into his kind gesture. Assume its just a kind gesture and nothing more. If he wants you / misses you as his g/f then he will say this. If he doesnt then assume he doesnt and he just wants to remain friends. If remaining friends still causes you pain then you are not ready to be friends and withdraw politely until you are ready.
  2. Rnorth, I go diving every Friday near her house. I use a pub afterwards. She told me about 5 weeks ago on MSN that she had a bad night (meaning depression) on the Friday. I said I wish I had known that as I was in the pub just down the road from you and perhaps she should have come down for a drink to cheer herself up. She just said 'perhaps'. Then 4 weeks ago I suggested that we meet to ask and answer each others questions about what happened..why we broke up..feelings etc. She said 'I dont kinow, all I can offer you now is friendship, is this enough?' I said 'of course'. But the mistake I made was I also added 'perhaps wwe can develop the friendship'..she said 'there can be no development and you will understand why as we become friends'. The conversation ended soon afterwards. The next time we spoke I laid my cards on the table. Told her everything about my feelings for her during he relationship that she didnt know. Like that I loved her..had hoped to move in with her etc. Stuff she wanted at the time but thought I didnt. I told her she had got me all wrong and I told her she had made a big mistake by lettiing me go. Next time we spoke last Saturday, she said she had a nice dream about me and I was smiling in the dream. Next day, Sunday, she was on MSN. I lgged on. She didnt say hello. I logged off after 10 minutes. Im atthe point now 7 months down the line where I still miss her and the relationship, dont have the desire to dat anyone, really havenht the heart to start all over again with anyone else, have lost my faith in love, relationships and women and feel that I just now can either leave her on MSN and wai each time she comes on to see if she will speak to me or not..and if she does it could be bad news, i.e. 'Ive met a really nice man' (that would kill me) or she might say something like shall me meet for a drink. I'd be surprised if she did because its been 7 months now..she has dated guys and tells me she is still dating and she has had ample offers from myself to meet up but has never accepted the offers. The other choice I have is to delete her from MSN and cut all ties with her. The woman has already said 'there will be no development on friendship'. What more do I need to hear? Granted, she said that before I opened and laid my cards on the table about how I felt. But that doesnt seem to have made any difference. Yes, she said she still missed me a few weeks ago on MSN, yes she said I was part of her life and feelings still, yes she asked me lots of deep and personal questions recently about why I didnt hold her and why I stopped (in her opinion) hugging and kissing her and yes last week she said she had a nice dream about me. But thats all she has said. If I delete her I will lose any chance of further conversations with her..I will in effect be closing the door to any possible opportunity to communicate with her ever again. But, it hurts when I see her on line and she doesnt talk to me. It hurts to talk to her because the conversations have now become short and almost just polite hello, good bye sort of thing. To delete will send a message out to her that I see no point in further contact..that I no longer wish to communicate with her. That may offend her or anger her or she may be indifferent. But if she wants contact with me she has my email address and mobile number. If she wants something...something more..if because I laid my cards on the table and gave her food for thought she knows how to contact me. I must now help myself to heal..to accept that the woman I loved I lost through a series of misunderstandings and foolishness..that I will regret for a very very long time. Its been 7 months. In that time she hasnt phoned me once. I did...and got told lies (she said she was seeing someone else)..she recently told me that was a lie and she said it just to push me away...t let me know we were just friends. What a way to tell me! She had to break my heart to tell me. Then she tells me recently she went through hell when we broke up. A month after telling me that she is in a deep depression and on anti-depressants and sending me a text saying her life is crap and she hopes mines is great. Go figure that stuff out. Now she is having nice dreas about me. I cant continue with this stuff..it fills me with anxiety. I still wake up in the early hours of the morning in a sweat, still dont eat properly, am still on anti-depressants..cried again yesterday in my car on the way home from work. When will it all end? But clicking that 'delete' button has proved impossible so far. I tired again last last..I couldnt do it. HELP!!!!!
  3. Any other views? Have ex's never changed their minds? Never thought 'it would be nice to see my ex again'. Two weeks ago she was talking really deeply about our relationship on MSN. Asking me questions like why I stopped hugging her and kissing her. 'If only you had held me' she said. We went through various facets of the problems of our relationship as her rquest. Why do this 6 months later? She recalled our relationship with perfect clarity. Then this morning saying she had a 'nice dream' about me. Maybe she is being just friendly.....maybe she wants more? Do dumpers never regret their decisions months down the line to not reconcile. After all, it was my fault we broke up. I walked out on here..but changed my mind 5 weeks later and came back. She sadi no...she was soooo angry and hurt. In these nearly 7 months the longest we have not been in contact is 5 weeks. Cutting her off...deleting her from MSN will leave no door ajar....no line of communication open. Is this a good idea? Should one always leave the door of communication open? Who knows....people do reunite...sometimes they do. Who said there was a time frame in which people can only make up and anything beyond that is too late? Any other views?
  4. Another update. I logged on this morning and she was online. We chatted briefly. Just hi, how are you etc. She said she had a 'nice dream about me the other nice..said I was smiling in her dream and that it suited me. Then we ended the caht by saying we both had to rush off to go out shopping. Ive learned not to read anything into her messages anymore like I used to. But again, what a strange thing to say to an ex of 6 and a half months that they had a nice dream about you the other night. This is a lady who has been dating since we broke up. A lady who said I hurt her very badly because of the way we broke up. We parted under sudden and bad circumstances and with very hurt feelings. Seems the normal course would be to delete / ignore that person thereafter. Nope, she contacts me several months agoto say her life was crap and hoped mines was good. That lead us to email exchanges / text message exchanges and ultimatelyMSN conversations. Why is she still in contact? Why tell me she had a 'nice dream' about me a few nights ago? Folks..she has never once in 6 months suggested we get back togther. In fact quite the opposite. She said again just 3 weeks ago that there is no chance our friendship can develop into anything more. Whats the point in remaining in contact? All it does for me is give me false hopes..keeps me hanging on...stops me moving on. You would think she has moved on..so why bother staying in touch with me? just seeing her / talking to her makes me feel ill and brings back all the sad feelings again. Do I allow her to talk to me on MSN when she wants or do I just pull the plug...put her on perm. block? Its been nearly 7 months now since we split. Doing the NC thing now would not serve the purpose of making her miss me as she will have grown used to that by now. It would be good for me though as I can avoid those bad / sad feelings coming back so intensely. However, what if....what if she wishes / wants to see me again? She did say just 3 weeks ago that she still missed me. Maybe she has had plenty of time to see what life is like without me? To see how hard the dating scene can be? What are your views?
  5. No Rikka, your wrong. If I go into Tools, Options,Privacy and 'see whose added you'...she is there. If I right click I see that the 'delete' is faint. That means she hasn't deleted me. If the 'delete' option is in black that means she has deleted me. Try it yourself. You will know if one of your contacts has deleted YOU by trying the above. Hope this makes sense?
  6. Thanks for that Jayar. If she doesnt give a crap about me anymore (although our last MSN conversation would suggest others) then why not just delete me? Why be bothered to know if I am in or out? She is after all (in her own words...'dating'). Maybe she wants to keep the communication line 'open' just in case she feels the need to talk to me? Or is it a case of finding it hard to letgo of me totally? Maybe another pssibility is that she is finished and moved on but doesnt want to appear rude by deleting me so is just putting me on perm. block?
  7. Thanks for your views so far guys. They are helping me. Please keep them coming. I value all your imput. But the question remains...do I dlete her or not from MSN? It has been 6 months now since we split and 5 months since we laid eyes on each other. During all this time she has not once conceding and agreed to give 'us' another try. Yes, we spoke a few weeks ago on MSN but that was mainly around her feelings about how / why her life turned bad and how she became depressed. She did mention her feelings for me in amongst the conversation saying she missed me and that she went through hell when we broke up and that she still have difficulties when thinking about 'us'..she tries not to she says as its causes her distress. It was so hard to get her to open up when she finally did she was saying stuff like she had been running away from her feelings..not dealing or facing up to things etc. Never got to the bottom of what she meant by that. But I was kind of hoping she was trying to say that she regretted our split. Instead she just asked me loads of questions about why I had not held her in bed on certain nights...she said 'If only you had held me for 10 minutes'...like it would have made a difference to the relationship not ending. She tells me she is still dating but not in any relationships. She tells me that I hurt her very badly. I feel like after our last conversation on MSN a few weeks ago when I told her that she had completely misunderstood me while in the relationship and that contrary to her beliefs I had loved her and had considered our relationship permanent. From what she said she felt that I was not serious about the relationship and that was a deciding factor for her to not give me a second chance. Once I had given her all this infomration and told her she had made a big mistake and that she was the best thing that every happened to me I logged off. Few days later she logs on..I log on..no words are exchanged between us. I havent seen her on line since. So, the question is WHY HASNT SHE DELETED ME IF SHE IS DONE WITH ME? WHY JUST BLOCK ME? WHAT REASON COULD SHE HAVE FOR NOT DELETING ME?
  8. Easier said then done Beyondthesea. This woman I loved...probably my first real love, although I didnt realise it til it was too late. Why hasn't she deleted me if she has finished with the relationship and me?
  9. OK, brief history. 6 months ago I walked out of my ex g/f's life because of a misunderstanding. She found me 5 weeks later on a dating site. Trust me, I didnt want to be there (and its where we met) but I thought she had badly disrespected me. Turns out I was wrong. So I went back and explained how I misunderstood her actions etc. No good, she wouldnt reconcile. Then she starts sending me joke emails and text messages and saying stuff like we can be friends. I took this to mean she was forgiving me. This went on for about a month with me asking her for a drink, her ignoring..then her asking me and me ignoring because she ignored me and wasnt setting a date for the drink etc (which I did when I asked). Cut a long story short (I will try) I plucked up the courage to ask her for that drink by telephone. She said yes but in the next breath tells me she is seeing someone else. End of story. Next day I text her and say no more contact. A month passes in which I break my heart then I find her on a dating site. So I send her a text saying hi and told her I had read her profile on the dating site etc and that I also joined the site. Her text was neutral. Then out the blue two weeks later she text me to say her life was crap and she hoped mines was good. Strange because that was the first time she had text me without me texting her first in like nearly 3 months. Fast forward..we ended up talking by email for a few weeks with her telling me she fell into a deep depression and was on anti-depressants. She says our break up didnt help plus her car broke down,her finances went of the rails and she dated a guy for a few weeks and he left her for another woman. Then we recently switched to MSN. There she starts asking me questions about some of my actions during the relationship that bothered her and (she says) also added to her refusal to reconcile after I pulled that walking out of her life thing. The questions centered around her feeling I had gone off her. She asked me questions like why didnt I stay at her house on a certain night etc and why on a certain night when I stayed didnt I hold her while asleep etc. I explained that she had got it all wrong and that I had never gone off her during the relationship. I told her that I had loved her etc. I really opened up to her. I hoped that by telling her these things that she really never knew..like I wanted to move in with her etc (which I know she wanted but was too scared to ask in case it frightened me off..she said this) that we might work things out. She tells me during this conversation that she still misses me and that when we broke up she went through hell. She said she still feels the pain but it is like a tide..it comes and goes..but is getting better. Guess what. 3 nights later when I log on to MSN and she is also on line...she says nothing to me. I hang on the line for half an hour and no message from her. So I log off. Since then (about 2 weeks ago) she is always appearing as off line. I think she has put me on block. She hasnt deleted me though. Whats all that about? I dated this woman (42) for one and a half years. During that time not one problem. A truly great relationship. Now this. So, given that I have tried so many times over the last 6 months to reconcile and given that she has dated during this time with no luck and given that I opened up to her 2 weeks ago about how I felt....given that she ignored me recently on MSN and given that she now appears to have blocked me (but not deleted me) what do I do? Should I delete and move on or wait for another week or two to see if she resurfaces and hear what she has to say? Its been 6 months now of not seeing each other. Can a couple really get back together after 6 months apart? Am I clutching at straws here? Advice please.
  10. Well guys I have just popped my daily anti-depressant and Diazipam tablet. Its been nearly 7 months since she dumped me and I'm still recieving counselling. Before all this happened I was a strong confident man. Now I'm a nervous wreck who struggles through each day at work..looking at the clock for home time say I can get back into the safety of my own home and lock the worlde out. All I did was open my heart to who I thought was a lovely woman. I cared for her and my reward was a broken heart, spirit and life. I still have sweats, panic attacks and have not had a full nights sleep since the relationship ended. I still don't eat properly and am constantly suffering anxiety. Time will do its job and make the memories fade but the scar will remain for many years to come and will no doubt impact upon future relationships...should I ever have another one. I wish you all a speedy recovery and protect your hearts at all times. Loving someone can be the most dangerous thing there is to do. We as humans cannot live alone and in isolation but interacting and then loving someone can have a terrible price. 2006 has been all but wiped out of my life...spent crying and in deep depression. Take care all
  11. Background in brief: Went out with ex for 16 months. She is 43 and had a child. The relationship ended suddenly and very abruptly due to a misunderstanding and a high degree of pigheadedness on my part. After 5 weeks of NC I regretted the split and went back to reconcile..no good...she refused to get back with me. But, within a few ddays he is making contact with me by sending me the odd txt message and email jokes. This lasted about 3 weeks then I phoned her and asked her if she wanted to meet for a drink. She said yes but also told me she was seeing another guy. I was devastated and told her no more contact. She didnt seem to care at all about that. Anyway..to cut a very long story short she text me out the blue about 2 months ago (4 months after we broke up) and says her life is crap and she hopes mines is great. That text lead to an exchange of emails and now MSN discussions. So, nearly 6 and a half months after breaking up and not seeing each other we are talking on MSN. She informed me she had gone through hell after our break up and had become deeply depressed and was now on anti-depressants. But...here's the strange thing...she says we can only ever be friends now. But she is also asking me questions like why on a certain night when we were together did I not hug and kiss her and why on another occasion did I not hold her in bed. 'If only you had held me for 10 minutes' she said. Wow, then it turns out that the reason she would not get back with me originally was because she thought I had gone off her in the relationship. I explained that this was not the case and that I had always loved her. She told me she felt she had to let me go but knew the pain of losing me would eventually go. I asked her if the pain had gone. She replied 'Its like a tide, it comes and goes but is getting better.' She also tells me she misses me..but... When I asked her why she was asking me these questions so long after we have broken up (she has had a few dates and one short relationship since we broke up) she says because she is insecure in relastionships. The last MSN conversation we had (last week) I told her straight...I never lost interest in you, I loved you..it was your insecurities that caused the relationship to end..you made a big mistake by letting me go..that she was the best thing I ever had and then I said I was tired and going to bed. I then logged off. 4 nights later when I logged on I checked to see if she had deleeted me from her buddy list on MSN..nope..Im still there. But when she logged on she didnt speak to me. Whats the deal? Why is she in contact with me again..why asking all these deep questions about 'us' and why is she saying she wants us to be close and honest friends now..but she can offer nothing more? I still care for this woman and she really did cause me the most amazing pain when she rejected me. I cant be friends with her due to the pain she caused me and because she still means a lot to me. Do I take her at her word and assume she really does just want to be friends and delete her from MSN and go NC forever or do I think she is trying to get closer but slowly and carefully? I did ask her if there was a chance we could develop the friendship into something more...she said no. Man am I confused....what do I do? Delete or stick around and wait to see what else she might say to me on MSN? She also told me last week that she is not in a relationship but is dating. Talking to her on MSN causes me pain and drags me backwards. Do I give up hope and delete or stick around and see whats really on her mind? Advice please.
  12. I'll keep this story as brief as possible
×
×
  • Create New...