shellshocked

This is soooooo funny (and amazing...and crazy) I'm not even sure I should post this. I just got home from an AMAZING vacation with my LDR gf. We had absolutely the best time. Since we've gotten back, she's been distant (she seems to always get this way after we've spent time together. I think it's either one of two things. Either: 1) She REALLY misses me...and distancing makes it easier for her. or 2) After being so close not only emotionally BUT ALSO physically, she needs to pull back some to regain some autonomy.). Anyway...she's been distant. And also she's been REALLY busy with work. So I logged into ENA and was poking around my profile. I wanted to change something in my profile and I clicked on "User CP" by accident. In there, I saw the list of posts that I got points for. And in that list was THIS thread for "The Secret". I re-read my posts and the others in the thread. And remembered what I started doing last year when we were having something similar (but on a larger scale) happening. So....and again....I'm shocked....and amazed...and I swear to GOD that this just happened. I haven't done this for awhile, but I visualized her going thru her day today...being busy with work....but also missing me. Then I started visualizing how much she wanted to talk to me. And tell me about her day. And her picking up the phone and calling me. And us laughing and having a fun conversation.... And you know what? 5 minutes later she called me!!! And she said she was REALLY busy, but couldn't concentrate, because she couldn't stop thinking about me... we had a GREAT and REALLY fun conversation! And now I just noticed that this thread was recently bumped up. This LOA stuff is utterly A M A Z I N G!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i know EXACTLY how you feel, Luv!!!!!!

You can rent it and watch it online (that's what i did). I think this: link removed is the link.

That makes sense to me. But i wonder if you mean like you worry about taking your car in for regular oil changes, so it will last longer and you won't have a BIGGER car problem in the future... Is it things like that, onelastgo? With me, the things i find myself worrying about are things that i have no control over...or things that i have NO REASON to worry about. example: my gf sent me a surprise gift in the mail yesterday. my initial reaction was i was happy and surprised. but...that faded almost instantaneously because then i immediately started thinking: "hmmmm...in the card she said "this" and didn't say "that", i wonder what that means? maybe it means that she really doesn't feel that way about me anymore, cause she said that before, but didn't say it now. yeah...she probably isn't that into me anymore....so sure, she sent me this sweet gift, but she probably just felt obligated to....and...aye yi yi!!! ](*,) ](*,) " Poor girl!!!! She did something TOTALLY because she cares about me and wanted to surprise me...but instead of being happy about it, suddenly i'm feeling like i want to dump her before she dumps me!! I must be INSANE!!!! So this is an example of me worrying about something that i have NO evidence of it happening, like her dumping me (in fact, what happened should have been evidence to the contrary) and NO control over (all i can do is be the BEST that "I" can be to her and for her...) and instead of feeling the joyfulness of what she did...i felt like crap.

Some say that it does, Ren. But there are alot of people on both sides of the fence as to if they really believe it to be true or that it's just some mumbo jumbo. Do a google search on the "Law of Attraction". and "The Secret" to learn more. Whether it IS true or not, i don't know... but what i DO know to be true (based on the the article i posted here), is today, everytime i noticed a negative thought come into my head, i immediately said to myself, "It doesn't help me to think about that!" (cause really...what good DOES it do for me to think about something bad? if it's going to happen, me dwelling on it is not going to stop it from happening..right?) and i've felt alot better (and more positive) today than i have been feeling lately..

i know what you mean, Luv... and can totally relate. it's R E A L L Y hard for me to do too.... I fall into the category where I worry thinking it will prepare me for the worst possible outcome. But in reality, when i do this, i'm worrying about something that i don't even know for sure will happen. And in my experience, 99.99% of the time it doesn't happen, so all i've really accomplished is to drive myself crazy and make myself feel bad for nothing. And doing that also manages to take the JOY out of all the positive things that ARE happening.

I found this REALLY good article and wanted to share. ---------------------------------- You Are What You Think - The Power of Positive Thoughts Marty Varnadoe Dow, LCSW “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.” Philippians 4:8 Thought has been the subject of many wonderful books. My earliest exposure to the power of thought was through James Allen's book, As a Man Thinketh. In this little book the author reveals how your thoughts create harmony or chaos in every aspect of life. Thoughts affect us in a number of ways. Thoughts are a vital tool in creating the reality we experience. They create our emotional states. They affect our bodies and, thereforeeee, our health. Thoughts influence our responses to life and our relationships. Thoughts determine our choices. Take a moment to write down three thoughts you have had today. Do not make this too complicated. Simply write down three thoughts you have had in the last 24 hours. Any three thoughts will do. Please do this before you read the next section. It will help you to apply those ideas to your life. Record these thoughts in your journal. Categories of Thoughts Thoughts can be divided into three broad categories: what I want, or positive thoughts; what I can do, or action thoughts; what I don't want, or worry thoughts. Most thought is about the future or the past. Very few of us are able to stay centered in the present moment. For the sake of clarity, let us assume I have an upcoming surgery that is occupying most of my thoughts. If I am thinking about how fortunate I am to have an excellent surgeon, I am thinking positive thoughts. If I am thinking about the activities I need to do to prepare for the surgery, I am thinking action thoughts. If I am thinking about what can go wrong in surgery, I am thinking worry thoughts. Worry Thoughts If you were surprised to find most of your thoughts were worry thoughts, you are not alone. Most people are not aware of their thoughts. They go through the day with uncensored mental programming playing in the background of their minds. They experience feelings and reactions that they do not understand. They believe their emotions and thoughts are something that happens to them; something over which they have little or no control. Many people feel it is their duty to worry. They adamantly defend their worry thoughts. They believe that if they do not worry they have not done all they could to prevent something negative from happening. These people resist positive thoughts because they see no value in them. In their mind thoughts cannot affect the outcome of a situation, so why waste time thinking positive. It is almost as if the negative thoughts are preparing them for the worst possible scenario. For most worry thinkers, such mental activity is learned behavior based on faulty information about the power of thoughts. Let us examine some of the premises upon which worry thinking is based. Note which of the statements listed below seem true to you. These may be some of the beliefs out of which your worry thinking has developed. My thoughts are a reflection of who I am. I cannot control them, they simply happen to me. You are not your thoughts. Thoughts are an activity of your mind. You have the right and the responsibility to choose your thoughts. Your thoughts are based on the things you believe about the world. They are a perfect reflection of your core beliefs, not your True Identity. At some point in your life you accepted certain belief systems out of which your thoughts are formed. You can change your beliefs and your thoughts. Many of my thoughts are unconscious; thereforeeee, I can not know what they are. Thoughts are readily available in your mind. You may not easily see them because you do not consciously listen to your thoughts. You allow them to play repetitively in the background of your mind. When you focus your awareness on your thoughts you will be amazed at what you spend your time thinking. My thoughts have no effect on my emotions or the events of my life. Emotion follows thought. If you are thinking positive thoughts you will feel hopeful and uplifted. Worry thoughts create fear and anxiety. Worry thoughts inhibit the flow of energy blocking you from taking action in your life. Positive thoughts stimulate activity, assisting you in transforming your life. Worry thoughts keep you from seeing options, blinding you to possible solutions to your problems. Positive thought relaxes your thinking processes allowing you to see new ideas and recognize opportunities. The fear and anxiety caused by worry thoughts will flow into your personal relationships, creating discord and conflict. The joy caused by positive thinking will improve every aspect of your life. Positive thought enhances the body's immune system, while worry thoughts inhibit the body's natural healing response. If I do not worry, I have not done all I can to prevent disaster from happening in my life. As I mentioned earlier, worry thoughts inhibit action. Action thoughts are fundamental to preventing disaster. When you have taken all the action there is to do, thinking positive thoughts is the most productive action you can take. There is no positive benefit to worrying. If I spend all my time thinking positive thoughts and disaster comes anyway, I would have wasted my time. I believe faith and positive thought create positive events in your life; but, even if that were not true, thinking positive thoughts has tremendous benefits for you. Positive thoughts create healing, produce enjoyable emotions, and reduce the stress in your life. Positive thought stimulates you to look for solutions to your situation and increases the energy you have to take action. Positive thought makes the journey worthwhile no matter what the outcome. Someone once asked Patricia Sun, a spiritual teacher, what would happen when she died and found out she was wrong about the philosophy of joy she was teaching. Patricia laughed and said, “You mean what would I do if I discovered I had been having all this fun for nothing?” I am sure you can see the absurdity of the question! If I don't worry, I won't be prepared for the worst possible scenario. If the worst possible scenario does happen, you will have plenty of time to be upset when it arrives. Spending months in anxiety does not prepare you for anything. You can not pre-experience emotions caused by a disaster. Worrying ahead of time will simply weaken you, limiting your natural ability to cope with crisis or loss. Thoughts As A Tool of Creation If you want to learn to soar above every situation in your life, you must learn to use your thoughts to create the reality of your choice. Earlier we discussed the way thought affects our emotions, responses, and our ability to see options and take actions. Thoughts, combined with emotion, create specific outcomes in your life. You can use thoughts to create the events in your life and not simply to affect how you respond to events life brings to you. Thoughts combined with emotion are fundamental to creation. When people first learn about the power of thought, they fear every passing thought. It is not random thoughts which create your reality; it is those thoughts you predominately have which produce such a powerful effect in your life. Creating reality with thought is similar to the process of hypnosis. You must focus all of your attention on the thoughts of what you want to create. Combined with an intense feeling, your thought goes forth to produce what you desire.

Hi kiama. I have to tell you, your post brought tears to my eyes. I can understand how you feel, because I've been there. I know it's confusing and you wonder how someone can say all these loving things...act in such a loving way and then pull away from you. My answer is...i don't know. But i CAN tell you that what happened in my case was that my gf got scared....scared (i think) because things were and felt TOO good. And that's why SHE pulled away. So I gave her what she wanted...I gave her space. It was sooooooo hard for me to do, but i decided that whatever happened that it was the best thing TO do. That if she needed space to think then i would give her the space to think and to miss me and if we get back to where we were...great. And if it was the end...then the space gave ME time to heal and get my head together. It took a few (REALLY HARD) months, but the good news is, we managed to work thru it... and now we're back and closer than ever..... So (((hugs))) and good luck to you.....

All this after only a month into the relationship seems alittle too soon for me too. If things don't work out, not only will it be hard on her, because she has grown attached to you...it will also be hard on YOU, because of becoming attached to HER.

Your post just made me smile too....... One thing to remember...you telling him your feelings and wants, aren't going to change his feelings and wants. And may even push him even further away. You need to do things that you "know" cause a positive reaction in him. (ex: when you don't call, he calls) And i totally understand how hard it is NOT to call...BUH-LIEEEEVE me!!! But i also know that it gets easier once you're busy and have other things going on in your life. (But i am SO the wrong person to give out advice on how to do this...lol) Anyway...good luck to you. And keep us posted on how things go.....

I wouldn't wait around waiting for him to make a move that you're really not sure is ever going to be made. While you're backing off and giving him space, I would go out and do your own thing. Meet other people. Hang out with friends. Date others. Have fun. Don't let him think you're at his beck and call. When he calls....be busy sometimes. Let him wonder about what you're doing. It's intriguing. When others see that a person has a full, enriching life it makes them so much more attractive to them than if they see (think) you're just sitting around waiting for them...

I don't think that things are always so black and white. There could be many other reasons for someone not wanting to commit right now. (ex. past relationship issues, afraid of getting hurt, is afraid of hurting the other person, doesn't think THEY THEMSELVES are good enough, wants to be more financially stable, etc...). I know that "I" have a hard time committing and usually when it happens it has NOTHING to do with me either being too busy or not wanting a relationship with this certain person. It has to do with MY issues and insecurities. (tho i HAVE had times where I wasn't into the other person too). You say when you don't call him, he ends up calling you... So my advice would be to just back off a bit and give him some space. Give him a chance to miss you...and see how it goes from there.

I also think it depends on the circumstances. Sometimes sex early works....sometimes it doesn't. sometimes you wait for "x amout of time" and it works...sometimes it doesn't. Just remember ANYONE can have sex... that's the easy part... It's the way you click afterwards that is clearly the key to longevity... Not sure about the BC question, cause I don't use it. But, i've seen SOOOOOO many new things out on the market now. I think if i was going to need it, i'd go for one of the ones where you only get your period a few times a year.... probably best to talk to your doc.

You said she looked happy in the pics of the two of you. She said the ex looked happy with the new gf. She said you look happy in pics with her and in pics with your exes. I'm not seeing an insult either.