Balbina

I took a trip around the world With hunger in my heart Insatiable to old walls and castles, It grumbled from the start I took a trip around the world Where foreign flavours enticed me I sampled sights and sounds and towns It became rather pricey I took a trip around the world For a short walk through a square I sat upon the fountains edge A submerged coin would show you where I took a trip around the world In search of something more A treasure hunt of the unknown The stuff of legends and lore I took a trip back to my home Seasoned with knowledge and change My heart still grumbled, but I no longer crumbled, And I thought it rather strange I took a trip back to my home And familiarity I did find I found myself accross the globe I returned to peace of mind

Brilliant. "The more intense, the more I tense, and nothing comes out right!" You better copyright this!

I really like it. You've very talented with putting words together.

Love Takes over A first class seat towards the unknown Nothing matters, Not the risk, not the challenge There is no doubt Love Takes over Consumes your mind Invades your body Makes you weak With pleasure Pain. The greatest highs The lowest lows... The heart isn’t biased It spreads it to the furthest crevice in your body So your stomach knots Your soul aches Love Eating away at your insides Like the paranoid thoughts And scenarios playing on the internal screen Just a bad review? Confusion Chaotic unknowns Love Tender kisses Gentle caresses Stolen glances in secret code Exposed on every level United in pure pleasure Love I Revel in the taste I crave the touch It’s never enough. My equal Makes Us feel invincible the only one who can break me. The polarities are extreme in love... But I’m ready for the pull.

I think you should give it up. It sucks that she was so keen on showing she was into you before and then suddenly changed her mind but thats the risk you take when getting attached to someone before you have a chance to be together. Her actions are clear - she's no longer interested. Asking her to be truthful with you is like rubbing salt on the wound...do you really need her to spell it out for you?

Your problem lies in the last few words of your post...you desire that closeness with the person. It's perfectly normal to want to feel intimate and connected to someone, especially someone you've recently separated with but realizing your urges and acting on them are two different things. You say you know it's a bad idea yet you want to do it anyway - why? Can you not find other ways to bring yourself comfort without back-tracking and hurting yourself more?

So you don't want to be with her anymore? But you miss being with her on an intimate, friendly level?

It's all about the vibe you emit. The energy you surround yourself that attracts people to you. If you;re feeling low on yourself and don't bother to hide it, your body language, stance, expressions and even the way you interact gives it away. I think you focus too much on your happiness or self worth to be met by attention from people. Validation should come from within, aside the scrutiny of others. You need to learn to love yourself before anyone can love you right? And trust me, you're too good looking to be calling yourself ugly (but we ALL have our days, trust me) You're probably just in a low because of some guy but you know you don't rely on him for your happiness. When you begin to be totally self-sufficient in all areas in life (including LOVE...because you can love yourself, but having a guy around would be a nice little perk) you will begin to give out that message to others.

I think there is a huge difference between having GOOD friends and BEST friends, but people kind of blur the line between the two. I have a lot of good friends that I've met recently in my life that I've clicked and connected with and shared good times with...we get along great and we're close but to me that doesn't qualify for BEST friend material, no matter how tight we may be. Those friends you have from WAY back, those ones that have been through the worst with you, stood by through thick and thin and came OUT of those bad times still supporting you, are best friends. You need to earn the title of best friends, not just announce it. You need to prove that you can get through all of life obstacles and still stick by one another. Best friends are hard to find...I've lost all of my "best friends" but it only made me realize they weren't "best" at all. And while I have a lot of good friends now, a lot have the potential to be best friends because I do open up to them. I share my life with them and let them struggle with me...because that counts too. You don't have to necessarily know the person since you were toddlers to become best...you just have to trust each other and when the times comes to test that, come out alive.

For these past couple of months I've been doing....not much. It's weird because I know what my problem is and how to go about solving it (aka, DO SOMETHING) but it's like I cannot bring myself to do anything to work towards some direction. I was depressed for about two years...really depressed. I couldn't socialize, I didn't go to school, I didn't care about anything or anyone. I was kind of lost in my own misery. About a year ago, that all changed with the break up of a boyfriend who was emotionally sucking me, to letting go of my past mistakes and regrets and accepting who I was and what has happened to me. I've had my ups and downs but the thing is - I'm HAPPY now. I feel happy...but sometimes when I think about it too hard, I get listless and tired and lost. I've had the year off to travel with my family before university, while I'm finishing up extra courses online... It turned out they miscalculated how many credits I needed and I have to wait atleast another 6 months, if not the full year, to go to university. Now, really, I don't mind. I know I'll get there eventually...but thats the thing. I'm not going anywhere now. Its like... I don't do anything. I can't focus or concentrate on my work. And I don't have a lot to do believe me. But when I sit down and try to do it, my mind wanders....and I never get much done. It's frustrating and I feel friggin' WEAK that I can't be in control of myself. Or rather that I can but I can't just grasp that control and reign it in the way I want to. I feel sort of helpless, but it's very "poor me" and I feel pathetic for even writing on here (because I know the advice I would give to myself - sUCK IT UP!) But...I don't know. Maybe I'm not as happy as I seem to be. I feel like sometimes I get so excited and make all these plans, these little schedules for myself to complete work, to work towards this, to accomplish this...I buy a calandar, a day planner, a new laptop.... But in the end, I do kind of want to get lost in something that doesn't force me to think about what I want... Because besides getting these courses done, the future scares me. I don't know what I'm suposed to work toward. I spend my days reading novels (I devour them) or watching movies that don't interest me just so my mind is occupied. But I'm left feeling kind of empty. I've had health problems lately too - I feel horrible physically. Tired, stuffy, irritated....weak. I was also in a car accident 4 years ago, lost my eye and broke most of the bones in my face. I've had 5 major reconstructive surgeries (which resulted in loss of time at school, apart from my depression) but more to come. I wear my shades all the time to hide my disfigurements. I guess I could say I feel that plays a major role but it's weird because I feel like I've accepted it. I go out all the time, I party, I socialize, I'll talk to strangers, I'm totally cool as oppose to in the past hiding out at home away from any social interaction. I date, I meet guys, I go clubbing...It's WEIRD. I feel totally comfortable, confident, self-assured. But when I come home and I'm suposed to do something, I would rather curl into a ball. I feel like a lazy bum....but I'm NOT lazy. I have yet to prove that though, right? I don't know. I just... there's something wrong with me. Why can't I do what I force myself to do? Why am I hindering my own progress? Why am I doing it KNOWINGLY? Or maybe I am a little messed up still. :S

Lol, I personally think you should put less about yourself and more humour as well. A girl will figure out who you are and what makes you tick when she meets you. Start off with something totally random. I have a serious addiction to ______ (food/music/whatever) The weirdest thing about me is _______ My passion in life is ________ The part about compatibility...how are they suposed to know they're compatible from a list of interests? Compatibility is something that is determined when you meet someone and get to know them. Tell them you're confident in your ability to intrique and amaze them.

lol that was encouraging. Walk on eggshells and he won't stray away! I don't agree entirely. He may use her to boost his ego every once in a while but that does not mean he would fool around with her if things got rough with his gf. Have a little faith in guys!

Why don't you try looking at her like you do at these beautiful/sexy girls? Some girls will never understand the horomone thing. I have girlfriends who freak out at their S/Os when they look at another woman. To them, they should be the one and only object of affection and attention and good enough so that their men won't have to look elsewhere. That is probably where the insecurity arises. I'm confident, but if my bf were to be always ogling other women, it would start to get to me too. Why not compromise...don't look when she's around you.

Well, if he knows she likes him then theres no harm right? He says you're the only one for him, give him the benefit of the doubt. However, does he hang out with her alone? Do they spend a lot of time together? If it's within a mutual group of friends, I wouldn't have anything to worry about. Tag along and see if she acts differently around him than anyone else, but don't give her a hard time either (unless she's all over him)

Exactly. It's also a little unfair to think she betrayed you when this happened when you were broken up. If it would ever escalate into something else, it would have then, but it didn't. You need to just stop freaking out because she is with you now and give her the benefit of the doubt. There's nothing you can do to change the fact that he'll be in her class.