lostNspace

I think they START to settle down (in all areas) around age 28. Heck, even the auto insurance companies see this and guys can finally start getting decent insurance rates at 28. But, to be really ready, especially for anythint that is a long-term commitment, I would say probably 32. This is for the general population. Like said above, some are family oriented and ready to settle down in their early-mid 20's, and some, well, some just never get there. I also think a lot of it has to do with where they are career-wise. If they are still trying to get ahead at work, they aren't going to be ready for a relationship. Once they get to a comfortable position there, then they can start concentrating on other areas of life. Other things can affect it, too. A grandparent dies, a parent is diagnosed with a potentially serious medical condition, a friend from highschool finds out they have cancer.....these things tend to "wake" people up, too, and they start to value family more and see their own mortality. They realize life isn't just fun and games and partying every night. Plus, waking up on a tile floor next to the toilet gets old after awhile.

I admit it is difficult for me to talk to him about this. I have tried to bring it up, but I haven't had much success in going into it completely and finding an understanding between us. If you can't talk to him about it, write to him. You are very good at conveying your thoughts in words. I am the same way. I clam up at times when it comes to talking about certain things, but give me a blank screen and a decent keyboard and I can easily put it all into words. It helps to be able to go back and re-read things, too. Write it, but dont' send it. Re-read it tomorrow to see if it is clear or if it rambles. Make any changes that you think may be necessary and hit send. Works wonders. I know e-mail seems to be the easy way out, but it does work for some people. And, it also gives the person on the receiving end time to think things over before responding - whereas in a face-to-face conversation or a phone conversation, they can feel put on the spot. I've found that you can get a more well thought out answer if you give the other person time to think about it before responding.

Long story short (and it's posted on another thread somewhere). Dated a guy for 18 months. We are both divorced. I'm mid-30's, he's mid-40's. We both have kids that live at home. He kept telling me he was happy in the relationship, but I felt that something was wrong. I felt like he was seeing other people. He denied it. I then found out that he had a date one evening with someone else. Confronted him with that. He denied it. I broke things off - wasn't ugly about it - just told him I couldn't accept his dating other people, and certainly couldn't accept his covering it up. I went into NC mode immediately. For awhile, I heard nothing from him. Then, an e-mail. A not so nice e-mail. I responded (not so nicely) to the e-mail and at the last moment, CC'd the person he was cheating on me with. I admit, it was a terrible thing to do and I never should have done it, and I've regretted doing it ever since I hit the send button, but what was done was done. It was in anger, and I regret it. It's not something I'm proud of, so please don't flame me for doing it. She called him. He called me. He cursed me out and hung up on me. Called back later that evening to apologize for the earlier phone call. I didn't answer the 2nd call (honestly didn't hear the phone ring) and he just left a message. Five days go by - no contact. Then, out of the blue, he calls one afternoon (a Friday) to see if I had gotten home ok. We had a freak summer storm blow up and he knew I was on the road (we both spend a lot of time on the road and pass each other a few times each week on the highway - ironically, we seem to meet up on the highway more often after we've had an argument). We talked for a few minutes - nothing of great importance - just that he was going fishing that weekend, I was going out of town to buy a car, how much we needed the rain. Trivial stuff - cordial, but certainly not a "deep" conversation. He was driving and his cell dropped the call. He called back later and apologized for that - said he didn't want me to think he had hung up on me. We spent 2-3 minutes talking about the kids. He arrived at his destination, and we hung up. Another 5 days go by - no contact. I e-mailed him (probably shouldn't have done it. I know that's not exactly NC). Told him that I really would like to talk about things and if he felt like he was ready to talk about it to call me. He e-mailed back the next day and said he'd call me the day after that. No call. Next day, no call. Day after that, no call. He finally called me yesterday morning - said he was working all weekend (which I'm not quite sure I believe, but I have no proof otherwise so have to give him the benefit of the doubt) and that's why he didn't call. Said he had a last-minute job come up and that he realized he had his cell and could have called, but he didn't, blah, blah, blah. Said he would call me Monday evening, which he did. We talked for a little over an hour last night, but again, just trivial - work, kids, weather, news, current events - no mention by either of us of recent past events. Now I'm more confused than ever. And, I realize part of that is because I e-mailed him. I should have left that alone, but after he called earlier to "check on us," I guess I just didn't see the need to continue absolute NC, just limit it. ](*,) I hate limbo. I can't seem to "read" him and it's aggravating. I can't figure out what he wants (and please, don't suggest I ask him because I'll get the standard "I don't know" response). How do you guys read this? Is he sincere? Continuing to play games because he has some morbid need to cause other people grief? What???

I don't think NC is necessary at all. It sounds like it was an amicable and mutual split. If you guys can remain friends and you have an interest in doing so, go for it.

I have the same problem and it has only gotten worse over the past few years. The doc says it's normal, and is more and more common as you get older. I didn't start having problems with it until after having kids. I've been told that birth control pills help it tremendously, but I've not tried that route. There is also a balloon procedure that can be done in the dr's office that will stop it, but you only want to do that if you are finished having kids or don't ever want any. Some dr's won't even do it until you are over a certain age or already have so many kids. Personally, I'm leaning more towards that that the birth control pills.

I'm not really sure what to tell you. The distance thing will be hard, especially since you have a hard time travelling to see him. As to him coming home on the weekends, I imagine once he starts work, he will probably be working most weekends - the new guys usually end up with the worst shifts. I can tell you that I have a cousin that is a police officer and has been for about 25 years. He is married to his high-school sweetheart and they got married right about the time he got out of training. On the flip side, the guy I just broke up with was a cop for around 12 years and was divorced 3 times.

I'm leaning towards just staying out of it, too. I feel guilty knowing that he's going to do the same thing again, though. NJRon - I'm not upset with her at all. She's completely clueless. So, not sure what your comment about making her feel better is all about. I'm quite sure he's told her the same thing that he told me - that he isn't dating anybody else. I firmly believe once a cheater, always a cheater. So, yes, if somebody had told me early on what he was like, it would have made a difference. I don't feel sorry for myself. I mostly feel sorry for my kids - one for this happening, and two, for me letting it happen.

LOL @ Justme. That's EXACTLY what I was going to post. RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would let this slide. I've had migraines for years and nothing really gets rid of them except sleep. So, the only thing I can do is take enough medicine to knock me out and let me sleep. She may have tried a new medicine or she may have thought that if she took a higher dose that her headache would go away sooner and she'd be able to join you guys. I wouldn't be upset about it and I don't see it as disrespectful. Believe me, when it starts working and you start feeling some relief, the last thing you want to do is move or open your eyes because that will just make it start all over again.

Anybody that has read my previous topics knows the whole story, so I'm not repeating it here. The thread is Many things have come to light over the past 2 weeks. I do have one predicament. Actually, it's none of my business. But, since I know who he is cheating with (or know one of how ever many), I feel obligated to let her know. I know I would want to know if I were in her position. I do not know her personally, but I know her name and I know how to get in contact with her. What I've been told about her - she is 33, recently widowed (2 years ago, so not recent, recent, but still), and has a little 5 year old girl. She has low self-esteem and is rather shy. Do I say anything to her? Anonymously warn her? Or tell her who I am and just let it all out there? Or, just keep my mouth shut? I know he's just going to do the same to her as he did to me. I think he preys on people that he perceives to be vulnerable. She's not the only person he's been cheating on me with, and I'm pretty sure he's not going to drop the rest. But I don't know how to contact the others (and not really sure how many more there are). I don't want to come accross as the jilted girlfriend out looking for revenge. I'm not looking for revenge against him and certainly not against her as she has no idea what he's doing. I know how hurt I am, and how hurt my kids are. I don't think anybody else should have to go thru this. I just wish somebody had warned me about him a year and a half ago. It would have saved me a lot of wasted time, heartache, and headache.

My sister is 32 and still has one. I think it's a little odd myself.

Thank you, toad. Common sense tells me things will be alright. But, I still question if it's worth it. At my age, you can't afford to waste a year and a half. LOL! (Tried to PM you back, but it wouldn't go thru)

Maybe, maybe not. How long were you with your ex? It really all depends on where you think you are in the stage of being over the previous relationship. I know I rebound fairly quickly, but that's because I usually do most of my "grieving" while still in the relationship. I say go out with him. It can't hurt. Nothing says you guys have to get serious early in the relationship.

Thanks for the encouragement. I couldn't have come accross a better post right now. In my heart and in my head, I know this to be true, but there are still times when I wonder if it will happen.

Sorry - I'm confusing everybody. My ex-husband is the one that is bipolar, so I understand the severity of just tossing around an unfounded psychiatric diagnosis. That's the only reason I brought that part up - didn't want you to think that I just casually went around diagnosing everybody. The guy I was dating has never, to my knowledge, been diagnosed with anything other than winter depression.