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JakeJakerson

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  1. Dear A.M.E, There was so much left unsaid, so much left not apologized for. While it takes two to make a relationship work, I just want you to know that what you were asking and expecting of me was not too much. I acted out of selfishness, arrogance, irritability, and perfectionism. I apologize for becoming irritable and upset over the smallest things, for continuing to talk to those you perceived as a threat for obvious reasons, for not reaching out to your friends or others to try to make connections and instead relying on online-gaming to fill the void of companionship with people outside of our relationship, for putting more time into things that didn't matter like games, for not scheduling my time efficiently around school and my job to allow more "us" time and making a real connection with you later on in our relationship, for not putting your feelings first by thinking only of myself and how I felt when things were going south. I neglected to make you feel wanted and cared for in the ways that you needed from me, blinded by the folly of old habits I used to use in my past to deal with my problems while often times giving you the blunt end of my stress and emotion without realizing I was the problem. I dealt with our issues and my stress in a negative way rather than a productive and constructive one, and that is beyond excusable. Though we never had screaming matches or called each other awful names, we raised our voices and our concerns. Only now do I realize that I wasn't listening to the emotions behind your tears. I would have left me too... I'm sorry for everything I did that hurt you and made you feel like you didn't matter: I'm sorry for acting like I didn't care. A.M.E, I want to thank you as well. Thank you for helping me realize my faults, my unproductive mannerisms, and my nonconstructive lifestyle habits. The end of our relationship gave me a lot of time to think about my mistakes and the things that went wrong. I've learned that I need to make changes in my life in order to withstand the hardships; to properly de-stress by being more active outside of the house, to understand that things out of my control are no reason to become upset, to make and put stock into actual in-person friendships, to have a proper schedule for life in general, to not be so frugal with money, to not put so much time into unproductive pass times and build up a repertoire of hobbies that are productive. I'm still working on the changes, but I know that I will make sure not to take the people I love and care for to be taken for granted, I will try my best to let things out of my control be as they are without it having an overcasting effect on me, to accept difficult times and with less irritation and more compassion, and to ensure that I'm taking consideration in not only how I feel but how the ones I love and care for do as well. I'm sorry for being a detour with a dead end. Thank you for the lesson. I wish you all the happiness in life. Jake
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