Whatsagirltodo, like you mention how your boyfriend went two years without sex, I've gone since February of '05. The last person that I had sex with I was engaged to. God, I miss her. I don't think that I'll ever stop loving her. Life's so damn weird. I used to be so open with girls and loved spending time with them. As far as I can see, my main purpose in life is to find that other person that completes me. Without her I feel like something is missing. I thought I had found her but as it turned out I guess I was wrong. Just these past two weeks I've asked a couple girls out for the first time since I was engaged. One I particularly like, but while we were out walking by the river that flows by the city in which I live, my stomach started knotting up. We were just walking and chatting, you know, getting to know each other. The pain I suffered from my last relationship entered my mind and I excused myself, found a restroom and puked my guts up.
You know that scene in Clockwork Orange where the main character is being conditioned to be sick when exposed to sex and violence? I feel like I've gone through that same classical conditioning. If I sit down and really think about getting close with this girl I end up puking. My subconscious is trying to protect me from more pain.
I've subscribed to more porn websites these past months than you'd believe. Gotta love relationships. Gotta love the bittersweet feeling of a lost love. GOTTA LOVE PORN!!