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TeeDee

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TeeDee last won the day on November 29 2019

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  1. He's a calls over text guy. I know this is surprising to a lot of people who love texts but some people hate it. Asses the quality of your relationship based on your in person encounters only. If this is good, there is a basis to invest. Text messages mean nothing, especially do no judge a relationship by the quantity or quality (emojis v paragraphs) of those messages.
  2. Listen to yourself. You have good instincts. If he got 3 women pregnant & relies on the pull out method, he is not having safe sex. His plate is full with 3 brand new kids to deal with.
  3. If you want to work on yourself fine but don't for one second that you caused him to become violent that was his choice. he would always find a reason to physically hurt you. Get out before it gets worse.
  4. I got some of the university bubble back by becoming an adjunct professor. It helped restore my connection to the ivory tower You may also want to consider starting a gratitude journal so you can document all the good things you do have in contrast to what you feel you lost.
  5. I think you answered your own Q: he probably has a GF. Maybe they weren't official & now they are.
  6. This is an untenable fantasy. You live on opposite sides of the world & have never met. To him you are a fun thing to do on lone. It's not real. I'm sorry your health is poor. As a shut in I understand these on line connections are all there is but it's not something that is going to translate to real life.
  7. My advice is grow up & stop being a self centered princess. Your mother is a kind compassionate woman who wants to make her son's GF feel welcome. Your mom is treating this woman like a member of the family. You are treating her like an intruder who is taking away from you. You'd do better by embracing the fact that you have a new "sister" & learning to be kinder to others. If you think GF needs to be a better cook, help her to learn to cook. If you want a particular dish at a family dinner, make it. Seriously the world doesn't revolve around you. As soon as you get that message & stop being annoyed, you will be happier. Right now you are raging because you fear this woman is taking your place. That is the true heart of your problem & jealousy. Her existence is your new reality.
  8. University is an insular little bubble. It's why people are nostalgic for it. Real life doesn't work the same way. You need to find your community & it's not where you are now. Although I had friends after school, it was not like the friendships in school. I found some niches over the years through various groups. Currently I have one through a book club. My university friends & I try to get together at least once a year in a big group where we go back to communal living for at least a long weekend. That helps.
  9. It was not healthy. You acknowledge that he ground you down. There are ways to handle stress & upset. Flying into a rage & calling your partner all manner of names is not a healthy mature way to manage problems. It's best that you separated from him. His parents are wrong. The screaming enraged man is Exactly who there son is. He proved it time & time again. You lived with him. They didn't.
  10. You didn't do anything wrong but you may have been inadvertently repeating the pattern of abuse you grew up with. That said, as much as you don't want to move on with your life & never see him again that may be the best thing for you. NC is a powerful healing tool stemming from out of sight out of mind. He cheated. Now he's lying about it & trying to gaslight you about what you saw with your own eyes on his phone. There is no need to continue to talk to him. He can't change it & all he's gonna do is lie to you some more. You are stronger than you know & you will get through this. Find a new place to live. Keep breathing in & out. One day at a time.
  11. Love yourself more. Then it will be easier to get over him. Get pissed at him for lying to you like that. Anger is a more productive emotion than self pity.
  12. He is trying to do the honorable thing & keep the distance so as to not lead you on. If you are ready to let go of the romance & resume your regularly scheduled friendship he should be OK with that since you are coming to him knowing the score but he thinks he must still protect you from yourself. It may be easier to restart the friendship in a group setting. If you have something coming up with more people involved let him know that is happening. It may help him to understand you are really OK with going back to just talking & stopping the sex.
  13. TeeDee

    Rejection

    She clearly knows how to get in touch with you. If she wanted to go on the date she could have done a lot to make that happen. She didn't. I think you are right to write her off. If she pops back up & makes an effort & you still want to go out with her fine, but I wouldn't debase yourself by chasing further. If you cross paths again with your mutual friend, maybe that person can shed some light on this but I wouldn't reach out just for this.
  14. Be clear. Tell him before you go that you are interested in drinks with an old friend. See what he says.
  15. What momentum? You have been dragging your feet since October. That said, if you can squeeze in a date before you both go your separate ways for Easter that would be good. Just be careful you don't over hype expectations. While you are apart be OK with not being in touch 24/7
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