TeeDee

I really don't understand why you took up with somebody who still lived with his baby mamma. That seems very odd to me. However since he moved out shortly after you two started up, it's OK. I just said this to somebody else in a different thread. As a life tip IMO you should never talk to your new SO's EX or worse the person the SO is allegedly leaving you for. If such a person exists, that alone is enough for me to not get started. It's all too much drama if you have to be involved with this person. People (usually woman) who go seek out the 1st one are pot stirrers & trouble IMO This guy made some choices. Maybe he monkey-branched to you but you are not a homewrecker. Things between him & her were troubled long before you entered the picture. Even if you represented a soft landing, you are not a home wrecker. Cut yourself a break. Especially since this is over, just put him & the trainwreck that is his life in your rearview mirror & move on.

Stop. You are not in love with this guy. Divest yourself of that notion immediately. You have never even dated him. You can't be in love with him. At best you are infatuated with him. However he's a gaslighting, lying, louse. He had no business calling you when he was in a relationship. You were right to demand that relationship end before anything could happen between you. When he wasn't fully free within a few weeks that was your cue to break it off completely & stop talking to him. You did not make him insecure. All you did was have boundaries. He wanted to use you as a side piece. You are not the one in the wrong here. He is. Stop blaming yourself & do not let him blame you for his failures & shortcomings. Basic life tip: do not embroil yourself in the drama of talking to someone's SO or immediate EX If the person you want to date is still so enmeshed with someone else, just walk away & let them have the person. It's never worth it to get caught up in all their drama. I'm sorry this guy led you on. It's not time to put on your big girl pants & enforce your boundaries. Find a quality man with morals & ethics. That is not this guy. You can do better. Since you met him at a family function you would do well to inform your family member of what a jerk he is.

I'm sorry the other girls on your trip are not embracing you. Good for you for making other friends & acquaintances. Sometimes distance can kill fledgling relationships. I think your STBxBF is correct: he's too immature for you. Let him go so then you can have some hot whirlwind fling while studying abroad.

You absolutely do not deserve the hurt or the pain. You are a good person, especially for taking care of your mom. Can you get any sort of respite care so you can get out of the house some? You need things to distract you from him.

No it's not. If that is your definition of good you have issues. Get counseling. Any aggressive or meanspirited unwelcome touching is abusive.

You need to get out of this relationship. Going forward if you are not open to sexual activity NEVER get in bed with somebody. I am not victim shaming or blaming. I am trying to infuse some prevention & common sense. That will avoid things like this.

I would hope not. I am concerned about the other guy who seems to have a comment about everything concerning you & this woman.

Stop talking to work colleagues about this. There is no need to drag half the office into your interactions. If you are going to date a colleague, discretion is required. Go on this outing with this woman you fancy & her friend. See what happens. That is the only way you will know for sure.

You got your answer. He wasn't as invested in you as you hoped. Deep down you knew that was the case which is why you avoided speaking to him. "Testing" someone is usually a bad idea. Your friend who suggested it is the blind leading the blind; she doesn't know much more about healthy mature relationships than you do. Be wary of her advice in the future but also trust your instincts. You knew something was off. Have enough faith in yourself to address issues directly with words.

The word "exclusive" is not magic like abracadabra. You spoke words that mean the same thing. You already had the conversation. No need to press / clarify at this point. Let each other's actions at the wedding speak for themselves. IMO it is important to have the conversation. Exclusivity is not assumed nor does it arise. It's a verbal contract where both parties agree to see only each other. You did this with synonyms.

Don't be surprised if the other girl is her friend who likes you. If that is the case, once she tries to fix you up, she will never date you because at that point it would be disloyal to her friend.

She made the handholding comment to use humor to defuse an otherwise awkward situation. She has no interest in escalating. If she is talking about setting you up with her friend that is a neon sign telling you that she does not see you as a potential romance partner.

He shouldn't do anything. He made a decision to be done with her. Granted he was trying to wake her up to her abandonment / endangerment of his cats but she can't see that. So if she's having a major crisis like being in the hospital, he can model good behavior by caring for her dog but other than that he gets to ignore her going forward. Just because she is old doesn't mean she grew wise or kind.

Don't be terrified. The only think that happened is you presently don't have a BF. You are still you. You have your education. You have your friends & family. It will be different. Change can be scary but you will be OK. I wasn't much of a reader around break ups. Read things that make you feel better. If that is Marcus Aurelius, so be it. Do keep active especially when you don't want to. Go outside at least once per day. Keep up with your studies. Take a walk. Go to the gym. Surround yourself with positive & supportive friends & family.

He's not gaslighting you. He's outright lying to you. You are gaslighting yourself, making excuses & trying hard to make this not true. Let's look at what you do know: 1. He lied about going to the club. 2. He may have kissed another woman while there 3. He got blackout drunk which could indicate a serious problem 4 He deliberately hid another woman's phone # in his phone under a false name 5. He is gaslighting you about why he did that. Her "nickname" is not his friend's name. 6. He must think you are an idiot or a fool if you will believe such an obvious lie. 7. He wants to party & you don't 8. All his friends cheat; it's their culture. Birds of a feather. . You know you need to end this. It just hurts & it sucks. But the reality is this relationship is done. There is no coming back from this especially because he doesn't want to. If you stay all you are going to get are more lies