I want you to message me so bad. I just keep thinking that if you really cared you'd find any way possible to get in touch with me. I know it's selfish to want that because I insisted on no contact, but I did that because you were draining my mental health so badly, I just didn't feel like myself anymore. I know if you messaged me it would just be shallow anyways but I want you to miss me and I want you to feel guilty and recognise the role you played in the end of us. I hate that I loved you so much when our relationship was just and so nothing at all. I think you were my true first love and I wouldn't wish the experience on anyone, i'm sure you're doing fine and are getting on with your routine and not thinking about it, i guess this is pretty easy for you since you had no trouble ignoring and not messaging me when we were actually together. I'm sure one day you will marry your friend who you've kept close for so many years after your relationship ended, you spend the amount of time with him that you would expect someone to spend with the person they are in a relationship with. Even my councillor said that it was ing weird! I wish I had just let things end back in January and just given up and not tried to push on and make things work, but damn I am stubborn. I will get my pride back and move on with my life. I don't know if you'll ever truly find the love you want when you continue to do the things you do.