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Blue diamonds, a twinkling mirror of your soul Angels play anew with each smile to drag me from torpor As I look down into the love that shines back I stagger at it's brilliance and falter Were love a solid thing, so precious and true I would hold it my heart as I curled up in a ball Never would it be ripped away or fade with time as I protected it Held in clasping hands and adored so But love flutters with the wind,it touches lightly and dances brightly before twisting away into the distance Snagged on branches it lingers in sight A hope, a prayer Then with reluctance it is released into a cold world Were there but assurances Or contracts to be signed Promises cast in iron Rules that bind, But then how true would love be, caged and bound? Better that it be enjoyed whilst it lasts Bathed in it's scented beauty, drawn upon my soul cradled in hope I count the days Alas, were I not obsessed with it's leaving perhaps I would value love and be-loved.

I listened to this last year and it really helped me. I just listened again and it helped me again - maybe I will take the advise this time.

Thanks for the replies, so quick and you all make very valid points. I'd just like to clarify that she swore there was nobody else when we first broke up, now I know they had at least kissed before then. She admitted there were relationships whilst we were separated, as did I. I guess her saying there was no-one else when we broke up was maybe because she didn't want to hurt me more than I was (knowing there was something going on would have seriously messed me up), the relationship was in the dumps before the break up and so it's likely that was the over-riding desire to call it off rather than some fling with a co-worker... I've just spoken to her on the phone, since we got back together we have both made a big deal of how we should both be totally honest about things if we are to stand a chance. She said she had intended to delete the files but her PC died before she got round to doing it, she said the relationship was very short and it had meant nothing to her. I didn't mention the fact that I knew they were up to something before we broke up, I couldn't see the point... what would that do? make her feel guilty? what will that achieve after everything we've been through in the last 7 months? I'll let it go now, I've formatted the hard drive and I think it's best to forget I ever read it. Thanks for all your replies, as always they have been very helpful

Hi all, I haven't posted for a while. Me and the ex got back together again before christmas, it's our second try at making things work and so far things are going well. She had a few issues when she discovered I had another relationship while we were apart but I couldn't feel too bad for her, it was her decision both times to end it. Well anyway, tonight I was formatting the hard drive on her PC (she isn't here) and I was making sure I got all her files, I was in her my documents folder when I found an MSN messenger log of a number of conversations between her and a guy she works with (i recognised his name on the filename so got curious). They date back to when we first split up and it looks like she was cheating on me (they talk about a kiss they had and it's time stamped the day before she dumped me). Anyway it goes on and it looks like they had a sexual relationship, my heart was beating out of my chest when I read it... I know we were separated but she swore there was no-one else. How do you think I should take this, it looks like it didn't last too long, and she says she loves me more than ever and wants to have kids and get married. But I feel rocked by this... I guess the best thing is to forget about it right?

Well I firstly want to say I thought the first post by openheart1 was amazing, very insightful and really struck home with me. You seem to be handling things well Boosted and whilst I know how hard it can be to see someone you love hurting, even if they have also hurt you so deeply, sometimes you have to step back and let them feel what life is really like. In a way your ex ripped the comfort blanket away from you when she decided life looked more exciting outside of your relationship, but by staying in your life and leaning on you for emotional support she is in effect trying to have it all ways. SHe's getting the support and comfort of knowing someone is there for her whilst enjoying the freedom to do as she likes and live the single life. You can break contact slowly or quickly, it doesn't so much matter but make sure you are breaking contact for the right reason, no contact is no contact, light contact is still contact and still allows the other person to feel you are still 'connected' and so they never really have to know what it's like to not have you there. But I know what it's like, it's very attractive to follow your heart and if you're anything like me (for your sake I hope you aren't!) then it'll take more than a few twists of the knife before you realise that there's only really one person you need to worry about at this time... you!

Well, as I have found out, when your ex sees you living life and getting over the heartbreak it can rekindle an interest in you for them.But be wary of that because as soon as you get back together and she thinks you're all hers again all the old reasons for the relationship not working out in the first place will be lurking just below the surface. Not that I'd ever tell someone not to try again with someone they love, I've tried it again, and I'd probably try it another time... and possibly another but my stupidity quotient is rapidly running out

Thanks for that mate, I've been reading your posts also and I want to reassure you that the hard times you're experiencing are transient. There are always plenty of stumbling blocks about and bad days can seem to come thick and fast but you find a way through it and eventually you get out the other side. Unfortunately for me my ex is making a habit of waiting for me each time I get through, I guess eventually she'll have hurt me enough that I just won't love her anymore and so will be able to pass right past her. Its strange how I craved for contact for so long when we were apart but only now am I seeing that the time when we are communicating just brings more heartache and turmoil, what I craved was things to go back to how they were but can things ever be the same? I can't see how any future relatonship with her could ever live up to the amazingly over-produced, soft-focused ultimate love story that our original relationship miraculously warped into after she dumped me. I suppose it's time to wake up to reality and stop second-guessing what she wants - let her have her games and when she realises they don't work then she can face the personal growth "opportunity" that she forced upon me. I do still love her though *slaps himself round the head* ](*,)

The ex did it again last week, it's been a couple of months since we split for the second time and I haven't spoken to her since then. She stopped me in the corridor to tell me that she still loves me, I just laughed and shook my head then we talked for a bit just about how our respective families were, nothing deep. She then emailed me and I emailed back, since then her responses to my emails have slowed down and I don't know what to think. I'm kind of thinking she's playing some power game to see if I'm still available, to see if I still bite but it's very hard not to just confront her about this. I don't want to be the needy one anymore though, so perhaps the best plan is to keep quiet and not do anything. mmm

Thanks for your responses, after reading them and re-reading my own post a few times I feel much more confident about what I need to do. I've always hated hurting other peoples feelings but it's obvious that if I don't say anything the pain inflicted on her could be much, much worse - and as a relatively recent 'dumpee' I don't have to look back too far to see what that's like. Thanks again!

Hi all, it's been quite a while since I last posted. In fact I think my last post was shortly after me and my ex split after giving our relationship another chance (back in September). Since that time I restarted my efforts at sorting out a few personal issues that were pretty crippling for me, namely very low self-esteem and lack of confidence. With the help of a therapist and an almost obsessive self-help book habit I feel I've come a long way. I started to realise that my negative internal thoughts manifested themselves externally in the way I acted with other people and that caused quite a few problems for me socially. Eventually my efforts bore fruit and I started to feel better about things, I expect the passage of time had a hand in setting things right too. I suspect it's natural to over-emphasise and exaggerate problems shortly after a personal crisis, and whilst it can seem horrific at the time it can certainly focus the mind on issues you may otherwise have been ignoring. Another issue I was dealing with was the seemingly common "I'll never find anyone as perfect as her again (or I'll never find anyone at all!)" syndrome. Funnily enough as I tackled my lack of confidence I started to notice I was having more success with women (i define 'more success' as being the difference between me staring at the floor whilst berating myself for not having the guts to say anything and me smiling and saying "Hi" - not exactly Casanova!!). But things did start happening, I had a couple of one night-stands (I regret these - I thought it be a confidence booster but they had the opposite effect) and eventually I had my first post-breakup date. Now this is where things start going wrong!! I liked the girl, I thought she was cute and fun to be around, we had a good time and agreed to see each other again. I've seen her a number of times now and she's mentioned she sees me as her boyfriend (we have slept together) and that she has developed feelings for me. I haven't developed matching feelings and to be honest the thought of getting into a 'proper' relationship at this point terrifies me. I can see I'm being extremely selfish by not setting her straight but I do enjoy her company, STUPID QUESTIONS ALERT!! is it cruel to continue a relationship when I'm unsure? Am I cowardly to not want to say something? I know the answer to these questions is yes so maybe I just need someone to slap me round the face and tell me so! I really don't want to mess someone else's life up in my attempts to recover from my own personal train-wreck. I fear I may have left it too long to avoid hurting her, it's only been just over 2 weeks but she was very keen to move things on. It's disturbing that a part of me would rather stay quiet and enjoy the feeling of being wanted again.

I found this forum a week after the breakup and I shudder to think where I would have been without it! It's true there are a few other similar forums around but none as well populated by great people as this one, you get the feeling people actually care round here which is really unusual in an anonymous environment such as a web forum. What did people do before E-Notalone?! probably just muddled through I guess.

Hi, I read your response to my post, thanks for that - it's always comforting to know that someone else is going through similar experiences and emotions, not that I would wish them on anyone!! I'm not sure if you read my next post but to cut a long story short it's over, completely. You say you are writing this some weeks after the event, it's been 4 months now since we first split and we were apart for nearly 3 months, and I must say many of your emotions sound familiar. The feeling your entire future has gone up in smoke is one I found damn hard to cope with, like you I had envisioned marriage, a family, it had seemed so perfect and for a time we were a perfect couple - then when the relationship ended it was hard to even begin imagining any of these things with someone else. I want you to know that things do get easier, after a couple of weeks of terrible depression, I started to try and make a few changes, the first and most helpful was to get rid of anything that reminded me of her. This meant new bedding and rearranging bedroom furniture intially and it really helped, it's hard to do of course. The memories were and still are painful when I think of the happy times but in order to move on it's necessary to try and change those thought patterns and getting rid of or moving those things that remind you of her is a good place to start. It took me probably a couple of months before I could see a light at the end of the tunnel, that time seems like forever when your going through it but trust me, things do improve. I turned to a therapist after a couple of months because I felt like I wasn't making the improvements I felt I should have been. That was helpful and still is, she gives me an outlet to talk and get out some of those emotions whilst offering impartial advice and comment. This being my first serious relationship was another biggie for me too as I'm sure it is for you, I honestly never got concerned with being single before it. I felt happy to be myself and do my own thing, this is really where I want to get back to, I'm not sure if this is the same for you but for me self-confidence is the biggest thing I need to work on. The most helpful thing I've heard so far is that love doesn't come when your searching desperately for it, when you're happy and content with yourself and your life then love will come. This makes me determined to not pine over my loneliness and focus on trying to improve myself and learn to love myself now, I want to be happy to be me again. It also explains why on the rare occasions I went out drinking shortly after the breakup none of the girls i saw responded to my "Oh my god, I'm so lonely, please love me" stare... Well, I could waffle for hours but I won't, just know that I wish you the best and I know how painful things are. Also keep in mind we'll get through this, me, you and everyone else on this site, and we'll grow and be stronger for it. Whenever I feel bad I come on here, and the last few days that's been very regular! I also found a number of good self-help books and websites that whilst slightly cheesey were uplifting to read and helped me shift my focus off what had happened and onto what I wanted to happen in the future. Stay strong mate and if you need to talk I'm here, usually!

It's heartening to read your story, it seems you are in a very healthy position although I can understand you still feel pain. I too should be in a similar situation as you but we tried to make another go of our relationship, it didn't work out but instead of the crushing pain I felt when we first split it feels different now. More raw than it would have been if we hadn't tried again but maybe I'm more comfortable now with the fact that we really weren't meant to be together. I know I need NC but I hope eventually I can be friends with this girl that I truly loved for a long time. I'll be following your progress and hopefully walking a little in your shadow because I'd like to feel like you feel now eventually. One thing I have learnt going through this is that you have to do what you have to do, some people will agree and some will disagree, in the end only you know what is the right thing for you. Yes there'll be times you feel like you made a wrong decision but you only know that once you've done it and that's the beauty of life, you can always learn from your mistakes.

I guess each person has to plough their own furrow, so to speak. My ex came back to me just over a month ago, after 2.5 months of being apart. I'd managed to almost convince myself I didn't want her, I'd lost weight, got fit and got some of my old confidence back. Then she told me she still loved me, had made a mistake and wanted to get back together, it wasn't a hard decision at the time, my head said it 'might' be a mistake but my heart said I owed it to myself to try with her again. Anyway, to cut it short we had a great time for a few weeks, amazing sex, more than we had had in the last 6 months of our previous relationship, it was a very electric time. Then it became apparent that whilst she was bowled over with the improved me, and admits to having strong feelings about me (she says she fancies me, that she cares for me) it turned out that the old feelings had never really returned for her and that she couldn't commit to a future together. So we ended up at square one again. I honestly allowed myself to think "this is it this time, we're going to be in this for the long haul", maybe I wish I had been more cautious at the start, maybe I don't, maybe things wouldn't have lasted as long as they did or have been as intense as they were. I don't regret trying again though, I feel I would have been filled with "what ifs" if I had refused to go back. I think you'll just follow your heart on this one, and whilst that might not guarantee you against a lot of pain, it'll soon become apparent whether you two are meant to be together or not - and then you just have to vow not to make the same mistakes again!! Good luck.

I took my ex back, she dumped me and left me for 2.5 months. She came back and said she made a mistake, that she missed me and realised she still loved me. After 1 month she has told me she doesn't want to be with me anymore. Yes it hurts but I'm glad we gave it a go, or I would have questioned whether I passed up a golden opportunity for happiness and now I know for certain, no doubts that this wasn't the relationship for me. You've decided to take her back, I hope things work out and if they don't, well just remember what you have already been through and how you managed to cope and know this place will still be here in the future should you need it! (but I honestly hope you won't)