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  1. Thank you Alyira, I'm glad you found this thread helpful. I hope that for all the ladies who think they're not good enough, or who are stuck in relationships with guys who don't love them, I hope that they will love themselves enough to wake up and pull themselves up by their bootstraps and get the hell out of that relationship. It takes a while to break away from abuse, because once the cycle starts: all the shouting, cussing, screaming, neglect, mean looks, intentional isolation starts, that's when women doubt themselves. That's when we slowly lose ourselves and who we are. It literally is a dehumanizing experience.. And for all the men who stay with women they don't love, please STOP. Just stop. It takes a real man to break up with a woman, appropriately, instead of stringing her along and making her feel like garbage. Have some respect here. For all the nice guys, keep on being you because we need men who know how to treat women right. For all the people who abuse, neglect, cheat, and take advantage of their partners: It hurts! But you will never know, until you have a daugther or son, and all of your bad karma comes back to haunt you!
  2. Some people use the F word during sex because they associate it with hardcore sex. What turns me off is when people are extremely vulgar when talking about sex. It's so tasteless to say, "If we're having sex, we better have anal, and I'm going to give it to you hard." Whenever I hear or see a person joke around like this, I just see them as a potential rapist. I'd get scared if I ever dated a person who spoke to me that way.
  3. Are you sure she's not taking advantage of you? Or is it because she's been in a string of bad relationships, so she's closed off? If you're warm and affectionate towards her, then I don't see why she's so standoffish towards you. But if you're somewhat distant to her (doesn't sound like it)) and treat her right here and there, once in a while, after you've done something wrong and do it as a way to show you're sorry, then I would understand why she would feel a bit uneasy about trusting you. Women like to be treated right all the time, not just once in a while. But if you treat her well a mjaority of the time and she's still unkind to you, if she makes you feel unworthy, then forget about her.
  4. I learned that when someone puts you down and makes you feel like crap about yourself, they don't love you. Sounds like the person you were with gave love selfishly. You don't need that, and you proved it. Good for you! CONGRATS on winning race. Doesn't it feel symbolic?
  5. Hey Lady Bugg, Thanks for the article! Makes perfect sense. The way I cut my bad habit, is to remind myself of all of the reprocussions and future consequences. I also think of the negative associations attached to whatever I'm addicted to, and stop immediately.
  6. I get this feeling that you feel too young to be tied down, as though you feel the desire to get out there and experience the "single's" life. That's perfectly okay to feel that way. Just don't string your current partner along the journey. I think you should let your fiance go, because he deserves someone who wants him enough to fully commit to him. Personally, I think the guy Derek isn't a catch. He's a two-timer and why would you want to fall in love with that? I also think it's kinda messed up that you would tamper with a man who's taken and has a gf. But, that's how I feel and since you came here for advice, I honestly think that you need to respect the boundaries of their relationship. Have more constraint on yourself, because how would you feel if you were in a relationship say with guy you're totally head over heals with (Derek) and you find out he made out with another girl? I would be pissed. It seems like the relationship you're in isn't quite fulfilling as you wish it could be. If it were, then there wouldn't be a need to roam around and look for other men. Be honest with yourself, because it will save a lot of time and heartache for yourself and for your fiance. Some people marry the wrong person for the wrong reasons, have kids, and end their 20 year marriages because they weren't being true to themselves (or they just aren't the commited types). In the end, it hurts everyone. I hope you make the right decision and stay strong. Good luck!
  7. Who have been hurt, been in emotionally, physically, and/or verbally abusive relationships: It doesn't end here. For all those times when he: * Let you down, put you down, cussed at you, yelled at you. * Made you feel as though you were nothing. * Gave you cold stares, empty looks of love or care. * The way he looked at you made you feel so isolated and alone. * The way he spoke to you in a condescending tone. * They way he exploded, yelled at you when you needed someone to confide in. * The way he didn't respect your opinions and made you doubt yourself. * The way he snooped around. * The way he made you feel unworthy. Basically, the way he made you feel dehumanized ...There are better guys out there who WILL treat you right, who will make plans, who will make you feel special, who will let you know that they're thinking about you, who will make the effort to brighten your day. There are guys out there who will treat you with class and respect. I just came out of a very emotionally and verbally abusive relationship. I've had a string of abusive relationships that included physical abuse and since I've been recently single, I was able to meet truly nice guys who treat me right. It makes me feel good. Just want to let you know that if you're in a relationship that makes you feel like crap about yourself, there is a guy out there who will make you feel like you're worth something. But you must first look inside and see that you're worth it, to move on from the jerk who pulled you down and finally wake up and say, "Hey. I'm worth it! Someone out there thinks so, too!" To all those who are healing from a breakup of an abusive relationship, you will find better. Don't loose hope!
  8. Hi Wishfulthinking, To be honest, it doesn't sound like he's in love with neither of you. First of all, if he was "in love" or even loved his gf at all, you wouldn't be in the picture, right? Secondly, if he was "in love" with you, then she wouldn't be in the picture, either, correct? I would walk away if I were you.
  9. MJ, I think your intuition is up to something. First of all, his defensive reaction tells me that he's hiding something. He's probably not cheating on you with her (not for now, I hope not, or even later - just be careful), but I do think that you are right that he's pretty close with that person. The fact of the matter is, it doesn't seem like he's telling you the truth. If a person has to lie to you to your face, they don't respect you. And don't subject yourself to unhealthy relationships where your partner is (or will be): emotionally, physicallly, and/or verbally abusive towards you. I know from experience. It hurts a lot. If you can't trust him, or if he's not willing to be completely open and honest, I'd say keep your distance and slowly walk way from the relationship. No one deserves to be in a relationship where they know, deep down inside, that something just isn't or doesn't feel right. Besides, you are just dating. There is no forcing love. If he cares, he will be honest without being defensive, and without yelling at you.
  10. I know what you're saying Teacup..when I was a kid, I used to look at people who would get all depressed over breakups and say, "Why don't you just get over it? Obviously, if you don't work out, then ya don't work out. No need to fret. No need to cry. Keep it simple, stupid." Yup. That was my mentality, and it changed a whole lot. I think as we get older, the issue of trust comes into play, and thereforeeee, makes everything so complex. Because we're not childlike anymore. We're not as innocent, and we've been hurt, betrayed, taken advantaged of, abused, cheated on, just blantantly mistreated, it makes adult relationships much more complex, much more complicated, and less enjoyable...because we have so much baggage. Even if we want to keep it simple, it's tough, because we've been so tainted by our sorrows.
  11. You just have to be patient in meeting the right girl. Karma happens in very unexpected ways. If you don't quite like a girl, don't string her along, don't kiss her. If she asks to be in a relationship (good job for you since you already) let them know you don't want anything serious. Don't break their heart. On the topic of making out with girls, you really don't have to if you don't want to. Be straightforward. Let them know that you're interested in getting to know them, but don't want to get physical for now. Most girls appreciate guys who are gentlemanly like that.
  12. You know, looks can be deceiving. You can't always judge a book by its cover. I know some girls who look and dress like miss goody-two-shoes, but they are nothing like it. I know some girls who dress pretty revealing and wear tight clothes, and by surprise, since I've known them for years, they've never had a boyfriend, never had sex. And yes Mr., they are asian. As a woman myself, I can tell you that most of the girls I know are not 'whory' or do they ever sleep around. I don't. I wouldn't find satisfaction in it. So if you want to meet nice girls like us- first of all, you need to give us a chance to get to know us before you judge us automatically. I do admit, I like to go dancing, but I don't dress hootched out. Doesn't mean that I'm a trashy just because I like dancing every so often. In fact, guys offer me drinks and I won't take it. I know it's pathetic, but when theyy offer, and when a girl's thirsty (me), I'll ask them to buy me some water, instead. I'll dance with them and not give out my number. That's just how it goes. I know how you guys tend to pre-judge women who like to go clubbing, "Oh, they're whory, this and that"..but it all depends on the girl. If we want to get into stereotypes, this is how I see it. For one thing - girls who are truly nice and attractive, don't always find the nice guys either, because it seems as though most guys (at least in their early 20s and mid 20s) would rather prefer the overly confident (cocky) girls who don't resemble the "nice" girl, instead, they prefer the girl who's a bit on the "She's so overly confident that I wanna tame her" kind of girl. Seems like that's the kind of girl that they want. The nice girls just seem too boring. It sucks for them because it seems like guys take them for granted. Just my opinion.
  13. My guess..If he really still likes you that much, he would pursue you like he did in the past. If he's not, then it's probably your imagination that he's still in love. Could be that his friends were trying to get to know you, instead. They probably admire you from a distance, but you don't notice. One important thing to remember, if you have to ask, then it's not a good sign. If a guy really likes you that much, he will make the effort to show you. Even if he's the "shy" type, he will. He'll go as far as wanting to be friends with you. That's what I know from experience. With very guy that I sat around and questioned a lot about, it didn't always turn out the way I had always hoped for, because it seems like I hoped more than they did.
  14. Soemtimes, life gets so hectic that we often forget to ask the most obvious/simple questions. I shall take what you said into consideration and really take the plunge and break up. It's so hard though..Thank you for your advice.
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