Cherylyn

He doesn't sound serious regarding a relationship with you. You're more of an acquaintance / almost friend to him or something to do activities with such as hanging out in public.

Being a big sister myself, I can relate. How do you stop worrying about her? 🫢 You have to learn to let go and let her live her own life however way she sees fit. I too, have never admired my brother-in-law (BIL) because whatever he says is extremely disrespectful and obnoxiously rude. It is what it is. 😡 A lot of times when you don't support your sister's choices, she thinks you are judging her choice in men and in a way, it's true. No one wants to admit nor be judged even if done internally within your mind and opinion. I've learned to remain mum. I will also add that due to similar situations such as yours, I've since pumped the brakes on the relationship and currently enforce extremely strict boundaries with her and her husband. I suggest that you do the same with your sister. I will also add, don't bad mouth her with mutual people in your midst because it could come back to haunt you. You'll invite a fight, someone will deceive and betray you along the way. Don't get involved in your sister's life and beware of your mutual family and social circle. Play it safe. Even though you don't agree with her choices in men and how she navigates her life, all you can do at this point is focus on your own life. If there ever comes a point in time where both of you can remain civil, then this would be good but with siblings, it is dicey being peaceful yet maintaining a safe distance. I know because I do it. You have to treat certain people including family as if they're acquaintances at best or even less than that in order to keep the peace. It's not idyllic but at least it's better than animosity. If you must speak or write, let it be about the weather. You get the general idea. 🙄 You can be concerned by including your sister in your prayers and loving her from afar. There are times when the greatest thing you can do is to care but not invest, not comment about her lifestyle and emotionally detach yourself. In your heart, you can wish her all the best. Many times, the kindest capacity for yourself is to give each other a lot of space which is equivalent to keeping the peace in all fairness for both sides. She's a grown woman and she must make her own mistakes however many times she must in order for her to gain wisdom. No one can teach a person life's harsh consequences and lessons unless they experience it for themselves. If she takes her own life, you are NOT responsible. It will be her own doing and her choice. I hope she doesn't resort to that. In the meantime, live your own life and do your own thing. This is what I do and it's the safest route for all. No one engages with a war of words, it's peaceful, separate but equal. 👍🙂 If you don't want backlash, arguments and unkind reactions, don't initiate it in the first place. You know what the outcome is so the easiest and most effective route is to do nothing and say nor write anything. The other party doesn't have a chance to attack you because you've closed that door for good. Try it. This is how you respect yourself.

Yes, yes and more yes! I've been in your shoes. Most definitely. I don't bother complaining and explaining the situation to mutual family members. It's highly unlikely you'll get their loyalty. They will play both sides of the fence. Been there, done that. ☹️ The best thing to do is disengage. Don't comment. Don't bite the bait. Don't add fuel to the fire. Don't get in the mud. Never let another person get a rise out of you because even your negative energy is giving them your power supply. Never give other people the satisfaction that anything go to you. Sure, remain well mannered, respectful, polite and cordial while maintaining a cool, frosty distance. It works for me as it will work for you. Learn to detach. Don't linger otherwise conversations will grow which you want to prevent. Walk away a lot. You can still remain tactful yet unemotional and disinterested. This strategy works wonders. In your mind, you envision the relationship as dead. Don't add anymore life to it. Continue moving on in your brain. Your attitude and actions or non-actions will follow in autopilot. You can't change people. They are who they are. All you can do is control yourself to your favor, enforce strict boundaries for your mental well being and proceed from there. This is how you navigate uncomfortable and infuriating relationships. Exercise self control. The best revenge is to do nothing. Cut off her power supply. Your silence will speak volumes. Silence is extremely powerful. 🙂 Whenever you do nothing, you don't give the other side a chance to respond to anything. It's your most powerful wall of all. 👍 😉 Also, another best revenge is to NOT CARE. Some people want any type of attention whether positive or negative. Whenever you don't give it to them, it's most frustrating and maddening for them. Internally, this is your time to feel giddy while donning your best poker face. 😐 😶

Happy early Birthday for next week @CuriousKitten 🐈 🐱 💗 Like you, there were so many times when I too sought validation from people who didn't think I mattered much or from people who've soured me in the past. It's unhealthy to continue ruminating. Whenever I feel down, I go out and exercise weather permitting. Fresh air does a world of good for one's soul. Also, getting together with a friend or friends several times a month. Many times, you have to do the initiating. Everyone's busy but in order to make it happen, often times, you have to make the first move to set a date and time even if it's for a walk, sitting on a park bench, meeting for coffee or tea or the like. You have to start somewhere. Being a shut in is mentally and physically unhealthy. Even though validation cleanses your soul, unfortunately, the other person couldn't care less. They're not preoccupied with you as much as you are. Most likely, they've moved on and keep moving forward with their lives as should you. What helps me is to become industrious in any capacity. Declutter, clean, get something done, work hard, take care of errands, chores or do something productive. Limit screen time. Days or weeks can go by before I have any screen time as screens become a huge time trap. ☹️

After 7 years, he's set in his ways. Either accept him as is or move onto someone else who is on the same page as you.

A good way to meet new friends is to join a club or clubs such as whatever interests you prefer whether it's hobbies, sports, intellectual pursuits or whatever. People won't come to you. You have to go to them. If you're faith based, try your local church. If you're willing, get involved with your community and volunteer at various charities. Your 3 month goals sound like a positive step in the right direction. 🙂 👍

I'm sorry for your pain. I agree with @ShySoul. Any time a person ghosts and treats you as if you're yesterday's trash, they doesn't deserve you. Even though my story is not the same as yours, I know what it feels like to be ignored as if I don't matter. I know it hurts badly. I know it's not a matter of anger but it's very painful. What has helped me is to realize the other person doesn't care about anyone but himself. There are times when you don't take it personally (even though it's easy to do), the sting is a bit less. A lot of times, it's not about you at all. It's about their deep seeded insecurity, misery and their preoccupation with themselves for their entire life. It's their way of manipulation and control which is their MO (method of operation) forever. Once you grasp this concept, you remove yourself from the equation a little easier. I hope you can move on by taking good care of your health, prioritizing your well being with all of your endeavors and surround yourself with very moral people. It's what I do and I hope it will help you. Being obsessed with a person who wronged you means that person has a grip and hold on your life. Never allow it because you're better than him. Consider this chapter in your life as sweet freedom. This is your chance to start anew.

Unless you're married, it's not advisable to purchase property together. It doesn't sound like he's that serious about you as words are cheap and actions speak louder than words. He won't change for you because every single time you broach the subject about real estate purchases together, he suddenly gets cold feet all over again. You need to rethink your relationship. He's most likely comfortable with how things are and doesn't have sincere intentions of following through with a legal commitment together. Once you realize and accept how he is, hopefully, this will give you more clarity. Accept his stance and how he is or exit the relationship and be with a man who is very much marriage minded, wants a house with you, settle down complete with the white picket fence. In other words, your dreams and the reality of your current relationship with your boyfriend don't align. 😔

I would ask your uncles or grandparents for money for your cat's veterinary care. 🐈 😿 If I were you, I'd repay your uncles or grandparents someday through a part-time job or however way you can repay them. Even though they've offered to give you money, it's still a very respectful gesture to pay them back when you are able.

The gracious thing to do would be to have a calm, considerate discussion with her as you part ways. There is a way to be classy. For other people, ghosting seems to be the norm. Since you know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of ghosting and how it can feel so cold and abrupt, it would be kind to let go of her with dignity and integrity. If she doesn't want to discuss anything further and initially faded away from your life, then by all means do likewise. You do not owe her any type of explanation. If there's one thing I've learned about relationships, it is that not everyone thinks nor acts like you. A lot of people don't care how they treat others so you have to learn to adapt to however way they act even if it ends negatively. In an ideal world, everyone would be very considerate of one another and treat them with respect. Unfortunately, this is not how most of the world operates. Many people simply exit the relationship with nary a word. They just do instead of say or write anything to lessen the blow. It's sad to say this is the way of the world and it doesn't matter who it is. Once you grasp this concept, it's a heck of a lot easier dealing with all sorts of people who simply do not care about you. They just go about their own way as should you. Never treat people extra special if they do not deserve it. This way, you won't get hurt anymore. You roll with it so it is fair and equal for both of you. Lately, I've done this and it truly protects myself so I no longer feel like such a schmuck. Make sure the joke is never on you by being too nice. You'll only become sorely disappointed if you do. Develop street smarts and you will be fine. 😉

That sounds about right. My husband and I dined out, socialized with our friend group, went to the theater and the like about once a week, had phone chats several times a week and texting every several days is not unreasonable. Do whatever works for both of you. What other couples do shouldn't make a difference because they're not you nor him. 😉 Do whatever floats your boat.

Since women are so liberated nowadays with their own power with economics, freedom of choice, not worrying about unintended pregnancies and the like, men are more liberated, too. Gone are the days of courtship expectations and societal norms. Ever since women can control their desire to either become mothers or not, it's an entirely different world now. Hence, relationships have changed drastically. The negatives are lack of commitment for many and discarding people easily if it doesn't work out. The positives are more alternatives for both men and women as opposed to dilemmas and shotgun weddings in order to save face. Personally, in many ways, it's a better relationship world because no one including society gets to dictate how a relationship should be. There are no more strict rules to abide by. There's more flexibility which is more reasonable, practical and realistic.

Courtship exists dependent upon whom you're referring to. Conservative, traditional, perhaps faith based (or religious) type people lean towards courtship with serious intentions towards marriage otherwise they're simply wasting everyone's time. I think it's beautiful to get to know a person first, study their character and envision a committed, legal future together. However, if you're outside the realm of the courtship ritual, then it's a real game changer all around. Many times, there's no intention towards marriage, some people play the field or sow their wild oats first before ever even imagining a more permanent relationship for the long haul. They're not ready to settle down. Then you throw in the demands of careers, choices regarding pregnancy or terminating pregnancies. That type of unfettered path will be the guiding force for so many people's lives.

Your life will experience different phases with friends. During youth, life is more carefree and there's more time and energy to be with people your own age. There are less responsibilities especially before joining the masses with full time employment, marriages, family, paying bills and the whole lot. People move on. Even though you have cherished memories with them, it's not the end of the world. Perhaps join clubs or your local church if you're faith based. People will not come to you. You have to go to them to start and maintain friendships. If you want to continue your education, concentrate on that. Everything else will follow and fall into place. If you decide to focus on work, then do that but branch out socially. Keep in mind, not all friends are for life. People come and go. To no fault of anyone, sometimes friendships drift apart and fade away because life takes over. There are some friends who remain for the long term whereas others do not. It's how life unfolds. Also, new people will enter your life. In the meantime, be your best self. Take good care of your health, interests, do what you enjoy and be independent minded because it's awfully attractive. People are drawn to independent people who are interesting and have a life of their own. 🙂

No one ever said life was fair. I say keep the peace. I don't exactly like my in-laws and some relatives either but for the sake of the whole, I've since learned to be peaceful, detached, don't engage yet I'm polite and well mannered. I am respectful. I suggest you do the same. There is a way to be a peaceful person without overly investing yourself into people whom you're not fond of. It's called showing class and grace despite uncomfortable situations and family dynamics. Rise above it and take the high road. Practice good diplomacy. Love nor hate. Adapt. However, it doesn't mean chumminess. Carry yourself with aplomb and you will be fine. Don't allow your emotions to cloud your judgement. Exercise self control. Don't get mad. Be smart.