Cherylyn

You deal with it by returning the favor. Ghost her back. Her actions spoke louder than words. She's letting you know that she has since moved on from you so you do likewise. This has happened to me. Granted, my story is not the same as yours. Yes, I've been used, taken advantage of, spent a lot of my time, labor and money on some people in my life only for them to make me feel the same as you. Yes, you feel exploited and easily discarded. I hear you. There is nothing you can do other than continue marching on with your own life. Not all friendships were meant to endure nor remain permanent. People, no matter who they are, will come and go throughout your lifetime. Some are keepers and were meant to remain for decades to come and others will fade away into oblivion. In the meantime, stay busy with your own life. Concentrate on what you need to do and what brings you joy. You'll no longer preoccupy yourself with thinking of people who don't deserve you nor deserve your brain space. Don't pay attention to people who haven't earned your respect.

Having sat on both sides of the fence, I can relate. I'm a mother, have friends, had friends and I'm a friend so I qualify to be all of them. I remember being a young mother of little ones. I know I'll catch a lot of flak regarding not maintaining friendships when I was a young, frazzled, frenetically busy mother of two little boys. Sorry, and no, I couldn't do it all. There were times when I went crazy (not in a bad way) with being completely engrossed with motherhood, family priorities, local relatives and in-laws plus doing it all when there were only so many hours in a day. 😵 I plead guilty for not being as attentive to friends who often fell by the wayside. I will add, that I don't include social media, texts, emails, messages and voicemails to be the same as in person friendships. I'm more old school. In person friendships are very important especially if you're local and don't reside unreasonably far apart from one another. As a friend, you need to learn to adapt. Your friends who are mothers who are no longer young and carefree. They have familial responsibilities now and friends no longer are the top of their list. I'm sorry but it's the reality of the situation. These mothers are extremely consumed with raising families. You will only grasp this concept with full comprehension when you become a mother someday. Until then, you'll never understand completely. 🫢 I know it's not an excuse but this is how life plays out. A mother is very busy catering to her family's needs first and foremost. You're not even secondary. Hence, you're limited and relegated to birthday parties, special occasions, perhaps holidays and events. Friendships evolve and I'm sorry to say, you've been reduced to an acquaintance level. It's no one's fault. Life happens. I've found what works best is to be able to relate to people who are similar to you whether it's occupation, hobbies, intellect, interests, sports, childless in your case, single, etc. You'll have more in common with people who share your similar lifestyle and stage in life. People who are similar to you will have more time, energy and brain space for you as well. It's not always true about opposites attract. To the contrary, there is more camaraderie with those with shared values and whatever stage in life you're at. I will not be harsh when giving you my perspective. I find your concerns to be very valid and I can definitely relate. I've walked a mile in your shoes. Another piece of advice is to not be too focused on others. Carve out your own life whatever it may be whether it's working hard, taking care of your health, fitness, eating well, immersing yourself into hobbies, reading library books (for example), various endeavors or doing what you enjoy. People are attracted to independent types or so I've noticed. Be happy within your own skin. Exude self confidence and strength. When you do this, you won't find the need to glom onto others. They'll come to you while you won't even have to try to be well liked. Nothing is more attractive than you oozing toughness, 😉self confidence and security. Change your mindset and behavior. You'll become your own best friend. Everything else is gravy after that. 🙂 👍

He's huge red flags all over the place and he's very mentally sick. ☹️ He gravitates towards violence, gory scenes, cruelty and gets angry easily. He's one sick dude. You need to dump him. Make him your ex-boyfriend.

No contact, no response, no reply, no replies, ignoring, ghosting and permanently severing ties requires no translation nor explanations whatsoever. Actions speak louder than words. Let your non-action and indifference do all the talking for you. It's what I do. The other party gets the message right away.

It sounds like your bf lied to you instead of gaslighting you. There is a difference between lying and gaslighting. Lying is not telling the truth, concealing and deceiving you. Gaslighting is deflecting, deliberately throwing you off track, constantly changing the subject, forcing you to question your perception of the facts, confusing you as if your memory was always incorrect and forcing you to defend yourself. Perpetrators endlessly manipulate the conversation and narrative to their favor. It's psychological warfare at its ugliest. 😡

Yes, you did the right thing by ending it. It was a toxic environment for you and very mentally unhealthy. It was too stressful.

He has the 'why buy the cow when the milk is free?' mentality. 🙄 He's not husband and family material. He's not willing to give you legal commitment. What would I do if I were in your shoes? I'd dissolve the relationship, make my exit and go your separate ways permanently. Stop wasting your youth on a man who is not serious about you. He's stringing you along. He's telling you what you want to hear at the moment while being insincere. It's a form of deceit and in many ways, betrayal of your trust in him because he refuses to deliver on his word. He's playing you for a fool. ☹️ He does not have intentions to marry you. This scenario is nothing new. In the future, don't wait so long to discover a man's true unsavory character. Naivete is no more.

It's a complicated situation when you don't approve of your sister's choices in men. Why? Because should you criticize her poor judgment, she perceives it as a direct insult regarding her lack of wisdom. If you want to have a sisterly relationship, subjects regarding her choice in men is off limits. I know it's difficult not to discuss this with her but you have to remember which subjects are taboo and which subjects are safe to discuss. Unfortunately, her poor choices will impact your relationship with her. It's bound to happen sooner or later. It's easier to enforce strict boundaries with your sister if there isn't any forced family togetherness such as celebratory occasions, holiday meals, random family or social gatherings and the like. It's easy to avoid people whom you don't like such as your sister's boyfriend(s) at any given moment. Her drug use and deceit which is the same as lying, is your call. If it's too difficult to tolerate her lifestyle choices and her deceit, then pump the brakes on the relationship and withdraw. No sense being with her since she makes you very uncomfortable. ☹️

I can relate. Often times, I too feel like an outsider because I want to be treated with respect just like you. The problem is, this is a complicated world and your high standards and high requirements in people's characters don't match your expectations. You have to learn to adapt which means you need to accept and sometimes tolerate people who are unkind, inconsiderate, rude, lack empathy, mean, cruel with their words or actions / non-actions and they'll say or write whatever they want, whenever they want. Should you call them out on it, they'll tell you that it's your problem, not theirs aka (also known as) gaslighting. If you want to be accepted by them, unfortunately, in order to keep the peace, they expect your deference. It requires swallowing your pride and going along to get along. I myself, don't subscribe to this belief but it really depends on the situation. At the workplace, in order to earn a living, you do what you have to do to survive harmoniously to the best of your ability. With friends, if you can discard them, discard them. With family, it's dicey if you don't have choices. Pick your battles. If you want to keep the peace, do what you have to do but unfortunately, many times, you have to sell your soul in order to keep the peace. What I recommend is enforcing healthy boundaries with people who don't behave honorably. If you can afford to eliminate them, eliminate them from your life. If you must retain them in your life, don your best poker face and remain civil but not chummy. There are people who are not worldly. They do exist even though they're hard to find. It's better to be lonely and selective than being included while allowing yourself to be habitually abused. Surround yourself with moral people outside your sphere. Alike people attract alike minds. Rotten people attract rotten people. Birds of a feather flock together. Be very picky and choosy because it pays off to be with normal people. Being with abnormal people will give you nothing but endless, life long, unnecessary stress. They're not worth it. ☹️

Why bother living together let alone get married? She will continue leading you to financial ruin whether you're married to her or not. Of course, being married to her would be worse but your relationship with her as an unmarried man is no better either. She has a temper and not well liked. She is red flags all over the place. ☹️ At age 64, stop wasting the rest of your life on a person who isn't a good match for you.

He doesn't sound serious regarding a relationship with you. You're more of an acquaintance / almost friend to him or something to do activities with such as hanging out in public.

Being a big sister myself, I can relate. How do you stop worrying about her? 🫢 You have to learn to let go and let her live her own life however way she sees fit. I too, have never admired my brother-in-law (BIL) because whatever he says is extremely disrespectful and obnoxiously rude. It is what it is. 😡 A lot of times when you don't support your sister's choices, she thinks you are judging her choice in men and in a way, it's true. No one wants to admit nor be judged even if done internally within your mind and opinion. I've learned to remain mum. I will also add that due to similar situations such as yours, I've since pumped the brakes on the relationship and currently enforce extremely strict boundaries with her and her husband. I suggest that you do the same with your sister. I will also add, don't bad mouth her with mutual people in your midst because it could come back to haunt you. You'll invite a fight, someone will deceive and betray you along the way. Don't get involved in your sister's life and beware of your mutual family and social circle. Play it safe. Even though you don't agree with her choices in men and how she navigates her life, all you can do at this point is focus on your own life. If there ever comes a point in time where both of you can remain civil, then this would be good but with siblings, it is dicey being peaceful yet maintaining a safe distance. I know because I do it. You have to treat certain people including family as if they're acquaintances at best or even less than that in order to keep the peace. It's not idyllic but at least it's better than animosity. If you must speak or write, let it be about the weather. You get the general idea. 🙄 You can be concerned by including your sister in your prayers and loving her from afar. There are times when the greatest thing you can do is to care but not invest, not comment about her lifestyle and emotionally detach yourself. In your heart, you can wish her all the best. Many times, the kindest capacity for yourself is to give each other a lot of space which is equivalent to keeping the peace in all fairness for both sides. She's a grown woman and she must make her own mistakes however many times she must in order for her to gain wisdom. No one can teach a person life's harsh consequences and lessons unless they experience it for themselves. If she takes her own life, you are NOT responsible. It will be her own doing and her choice. I hope she doesn't resort to that. In the meantime, live your own life and do your own thing. This is what I do and it's the safest route for all. No one engages with a war of words, it's peaceful, separate but equal. 👍🙂 If you don't want backlash, arguments and unkind reactions, don't initiate it in the first place. You know what the outcome is so the easiest and most effective route is to do nothing and say nor write anything. The other party doesn't have a chance to attack you because you've closed that door for good. Try it. This is how you respect yourself.

Yes, yes and more yes! I've been in your shoes. Most definitely. I don't bother complaining and explaining the situation to mutual family members. It's highly unlikely you'll get their loyalty. They will play both sides of the fence. Been there, done that. ☹️ The best thing to do is disengage. Don't comment. Don't bite the bait. Don't add fuel to the fire. Don't get in the mud. Never let another person get a rise out of you because even your negative energy is giving them your power supply. Never give other people the satisfaction that anything go to you. Sure, remain well mannered, respectful, polite and cordial while maintaining a cool, frosty distance. It works for me as it will work for you. Learn to detach. Don't linger otherwise conversations will grow which you want to prevent. Walk away a lot. You can still remain tactful yet unemotional and disinterested. This strategy works wonders. In your mind, you envision the relationship as dead. Don't add anymore life to it. Continue moving on in your brain. Your attitude and actions or non-actions will follow in autopilot. You can't change people. They are who they are. All you can do is control yourself to your favor, enforce strict boundaries for your mental well being and proceed from there. This is how you navigate uncomfortable and infuriating relationships. Exercise self control. The best revenge is to do nothing. Cut off her power supply. Your silence will speak volumes. Silence is extremely powerful. 🙂 Whenever you do nothing, you don't give the other side a chance to respond to anything. It's your most powerful wall of all. 👍 😉 Also, another best revenge is to NOT CARE. Some people want any type of attention whether positive or negative. Whenever you don't give it to them, it's most frustrating and maddening for them. Internally, this is your time to feel giddy while donning your best poker face. 😐 😶

Happy early Birthday for next week @CuriousKitten 🐈 🐱 💗 Like you, there were so many times when I too sought validation from people who didn't think I mattered much or from people who've soured me in the past. It's unhealthy to continue ruminating. Whenever I feel down, I go out and exercise weather permitting. Fresh air does a world of good for one's soul. Also, getting together with a friend or friends several times a month. Many times, you have to do the initiating. Everyone's busy but in order to make it happen, often times, you have to make the first move to set a date and time even if it's for a walk, sitting on a park bench, meeting for coffee or tea or the like. You have to start somewhere. Being a shut in is mentally and physically unhealthy. Even though validation cleanses your soul, unfortunately, the other person couldn't care less. They're not preoccupied with you as much as you are. Most likely, they've moved on and keep moving forward with their lives as should you. What helps me is to become industrious in any capacity. Declutter, clean, get something done, work hard, take care of errands, chores or do something productive. Limit screen time. Days or weeks can go by before I have any screen time as screens become a huge time trap. ☹️

After 7 years, he's set in his ways. Either accept him as is or move onto someone else who is on the same page as you.