AnonAnon1234

Three and a half weeks apart now, and back in my own apartment after being home with friends and family for the holidays. They have saved me during this ordeal. While alone in our respective cities, we would always skype at times like these, just leaving the connection on while going about our business. The first night back is difficult after the progress I made at home, but that's to be expected. Habits are hard to break. I won't have any trouble sleeping tonight, but I still miss you. The last few weeks have given me perspective after all the hurt and anger, and I keep uncovering ways I could have better handled the last two months with you. I think I pushed you into walking away. These realizations make me want to reach out even more, to let you know I've discovered what went wrong, what I can now do to improve, but I know the breakup is still fresh, and that the both of us still need space and time to gain more clarity. I know you're the only one who can choose to change your mind, but I wish you had sought out my opinion and help before unilaterally deciding our outcome. We agreed that we would give it 60 days to speak to each other, and it has been 11. I'm comforted by the fact that tonight is my first night alone from family since you walked away, so it will be the hardest of many of the nights to come. I so hope that I'm no longer in so much pain when you call; otherwise, I will not pick up. I miss you, I miss having you, of belonging to you. I am a little lost without you, but each day I allow myself to notice that the discomfort becomes more bearable. Resisting the urge to call you becomes easier and easier each day. I know we can't be together now, and that I'm not thinking clearly. We shared everything, so it's painful to be unable to tell you any of this. That week we broke up was hard on both of us; both of our judgments were impaired when we made our decisions, chose the words we used. I have enough distance to know that confiding in you now would just push you further away, and hurt me more in the process. I am bearing the pain better and better each day. I am finding the pieces of myself that I lost, as I slowly made you the center of my world. Overtime, I let her go, and I now realize that she became lost to you too. Before even looking for you again, I will find her and get her back. I miss her dearly as well.