rookie

Thanks so much for your input…but sadly not much of it is new. Here are some quick responses to the remedies you sent me. Friends Yep, hanging out with my pals is about the only time I can forget about things. However, even tho I could use it I do not ask them to be there for me more than usually. In other words… I don’t want to turn into some attention * * * * *. I just hang out with them on regular basis. I could use some more time with them now… but everyone has their own lives to live… I try not to bug them. Talking No, I usually don’t talk to people about my heart problems. 1. Because I feel weak and pathetic when I do… like its nice to talk to someone but I know when it’s all done I’ll feel stupid about it. I don’t like venting to friends. 2. A lot of my friends know my ex, so them being her friends as well I feel it might be awkward for them to hear that she hurt me so much. I mean she did… but it’s not like she’s a bad person, maybe just a confused one. That is why I use this forum… it lets me vent, and I don’t have to worry, afterall you all do not have to read this if you don’t want to. 3. I feel like people do not understand, they give me very logical answers like “if she left you why do you love her” …well logic might be “someone hurt you = someone bad = someone you definitely do NOT love.” My heart is not my brain… and people who do not have problems of this sort tend to forget that. Time and keeping busy Yes, I know… let the time pass, keep yourself busy. But that’s just it, I’ve been doing this for a long while. Months passed and I still feel as depressed, hurt, and lonely, as I did on the day she broke up with me. Still miss her, still need her. I figured even if it would take me a long time, at least I would be BETTER after a few months, but so far there has been little or no change in how i feel about life in general. I just feel like a whole chunk of me is missing, life just isn't complete. What I’m trying to find is a way to move on, and move on now, because I don’t know how much more I can take of this. I really need to get on with my life. My brain has been telling me this for a while now, but my heart just refuses to follow. Recently I’ve been thinking if dating would be a good solution. Nothing serious, but like some casual dates with girls not even bf/gf stuff yet - just dating. But it just seems wrong to be with someone when there is still someone else in your heart, even if both parties know it is not supposed to be serious. what should I do?

This girl broke up with me, and I just can't move on. I still think about her, any reminder of her hurts. Any indication that she might be with someone else hurts (although I know she has every right to be with someone else.) I even dream about her, or about us almost every night. I get urges to go see her and try to make things work out… urges to call her, or have some contact what so ever. So far I resisted those. It even hurts me to think that she's ok and living her life (which is so very wrong) …it just makes me feel like nothing when I think of losing her and hurting so much, and her losing me and moving right along. Although on the other hand I'm glad she's not going through something like this. Question is… how do I get over this? How do I move on? It's time for me to move on. I've been heartbroken before and I know that one can get over it eventually. HOWEVER, this time it seems hopeless. I just don't want to become one of those guys who are still stuck on a relationship that was over months and months ago or even years. Help me help myself.

Just an update for those of you helping me. There isn't much to say, it is over. Yesterday was the breaking point, I couldn't concentrate on anything except her for the whole day, work, school, even driving. I almost got into a serious car accident with an 18 wheeler, and got out of it okay only because they guy managed not to hit me. Yeah, saying I'm out of order is an understatement. I called her late and told her I needed to talk, went over her house. Basically I asked her why is it that she is holding on to us, and asked if a fear of hurting me was the only reason. She said it wasn't the only reason, but couldn't say anything else. We talked some more, I told her that I love her and would wish for us to stay together, BUT only if she wanted it to be so too. And if she didn't, I told her it was pointless to force things out. She hugged me told me she's sorry for everything, I told her that there is nothing to be sorry about...some more small talk for goodbye and I walked out and that was it. Thing is, what do I do now? I feel even worse than before, I feel like I've made a terrible mistake. I feel like I would do ANYTHING to have her back, I desire her even more, I desire her comfort. And I desire to hold her so much. Yesterday I also asked her to give me time and space for a while, but just seeing her in the class we share is so very painful to me. She looks it seems even more beautiful and I want to just reach out and tell her I was stupid for forcing a break up and hold her again… I feel so wretched and weak. Is this normal after a breakup, to want the person even more? What do I do now? How do I get over her? I don't think it even fully hit me that she's not there anymore, she's everywhere and everything, I tried to get rid of some pictures of us and then I realized that almost every object in my apartment is somehow related to her. What am I to do? I'm sure, no matter how much I want it, going back is not an option that will solve things, but what will? It seemed that I just wasn't able to go on in this relationship, but now that it is over I feel even worse. How do I live?

and so i'm single as of last night I feel like it was a mistake to end it, and I want her close it seems more than ever... but i guess that's normal what now? I still feel like * * * *... what can I do to pick myself up? Please help, I have nowhere to turn... I want comfort and I have no one to get from. How can I get myself out of this?

Life was everything I wanted it to be some six months ago because of a girl I found, although I had other problems at least I had her. Those "other problems" got a lot bigger in a past month or two. They come from all sides, I have serious financial issues, serious family problems, issues with dealing about my homesickness (I live outside of my country.) Yet, I've always dealt with those issues, not to boast, but people always admired me for how stable I can be with everything that is going around me, and how I never mention my problems or look like I have problems etc. Now the girl I mentioned in the first line is, I believe, about to break up with me and at the height of all my other problems. She is my biggest problem and on top of all the other ones, for the first time in my life I just can't take it. First of all, I'm not feeling suicidal (I think) …this is not about that. However, I am seriously depressed for the first in my life and I just don't know how to deal with it at all. I'm not the type of a person to get upset easily, and although life had it's ups and downs I was always trying to take the good with the bad and go on. Lately I just can't, I feel so lost and empty. I can't eat, I literally force some food into me every day. I can't sleep, the only time I fall asleep is when my body has no energy to go on at all. I'm tired all the time, I don't want to do anything which naturally adds to my problems. When I wake up I don't want to open my eyes, or stand up. I've actually stayed home "sick" and missed work and classes a few times because I just had no will to go on at all. However, that made things even worse because I had too much time to think and got even more depressed. So, I'm trying not to do that anymore. I'm amazed at how bad things got. As I'm writing this, I read back the sentences I wrote and I'm amazed at how whiny and pathetic they are… that's just not me, and yet it is all true. I was never in my life in this sort of a situation and I don't know how to deal with it at all, everyday I feel worse and because of my work-inefficiency caused by this state some of my problems get even bigger. How do I get out of this hole and start living again? By the way... My breakup in detail is here I'm looking for help on that one too...

UPDATE ON ME Went to see her last night after work, things seemed to be okay. We watched a DVD, and we were on a sofa holding each other. An hour into the movie she asked “are we still together?” I really didn’t know what to make out of that so I said something along the lines of “I guess so” and in a semi-joking way “when did we break up?” … she answered “I don’t know” After a while, I couldn’t take it anymore so I said “Do you want to talk about something?” and again I heard “I don’t know” with a sigh at the end. Few minutes of silence and she said she has “a lot to think about” few more moments of silence and she said “she hates seeing me hurt.” I told her that obviously I am hurt by all of this, and that it really doesn’t matter what I feel like. I told her she should make up her mind on whatever it is that will make her life good, and take out my feelings out of the equation for a second. She didn’t say anything for a long time after that, the film was ending so I made up a believable excuse and left early; I just couldn’t take sitting there in awkward silence anymore. Now I don’t know what the hell is going on. I went to see her to maybe feel a little better, and here I am even more confused and hurt than before. If I had more alcohol in my house I would be too drunk to type right now, maybe it’s a good thing I didn’t have much. I just want something to get my mind off of her. I feel so ridiculously naïve for falling in love. Why did I get so attached, weak and defenseless? If this goes to pieces I don’t think I will ever allow myself to be this close to a woman again.

We talk more, and it is still rather open, by I feel like I shouldn't be so open anymore. I mean, we end up talking. And I do end up confessing how hurt I am now, how hard is it to know that someone you love is "not even sure" about being with you. However, I don't know if I should be telling her all my emotions, like all that "I care for you so much, I love you, I need you" stuff. 1. I don't want to sound like I'm trying to get her to stay with me out of pity 2. I think It might be frustrating to her, why frustrating? Because I've been in a casual relationship before where a girl started to love me more and more, and It was hard for me to hear it all the time, because I didn't really feel the same way. So i'm thinking she might be feeling the same way now. Only difference is that with me and the other girl I always told her to keep it casual and that I'm not looking for a serious relationship (still in HS) With my relationship now, I gave it all my everything, but I also felt I was getting everything. And now I know she was never I guess that serious about me, and now she lost most of her interest it seems. So I guess I do understand why me giving her "i can't live without you" speaches is frustrating to her. I'm 20 my brother and her are both 18 I don't know how you come up with that, i'd like for it to be true, but she doesn't even say it anymore because "she doesn't want to lie" She's still trying to "figure out what she feels," she doesn't want to let me go yet because she fears I will not take her back if she feels in love with me again. All of that is confusing to me, it's like she wants me but doesn't at the same time. All of that would be true, she started having sex at 14 and dated some 5-6 guys before me, and yea, it gets to me as of late. Some of those guys were older, and the type to screw every girl they know. All of that just adds to me being insecure and often I feel like the next guy down the road and nothing more. Plus yea, I'm sure I'm not all she wants when it comes to sex, and with my lack of expirience I don't think I can. But changing that will only be done by me getting expirience, although reading stuff on the forums helps, I don't think it is enough to make me a better lover over night. Is it really that important? I mean, good sex is always a plus, but it really hurts to think that she is on a brink of dumping me because I'm not the type of a guy who screwed 15 girls before her. No, she was never a trophy to me, and to be honest I hate that term, and I hate when guys use it. My girlfriend is breathtaking that is true, but I never dated her to show her off. I love her looks, but I love who she is (or rather was) more than her looks, actually I love it all, she is just a perfect blend of everything, and I love her inside and outside. When we were happy I really considered her perfection on earth. And maybe that sounds like an ego thing, but getting a girl was never a problem for me; but finding a girl that I could love this much and be that happy with - it seems impossible to find someone like that again.

The objective of holding on to this for me is to get this relationship where it was before. I don't want to let go because our good times were the best days of my life, but can thing get good again? Right now this really brings me much more pain rather than something positive, but I'm trying to look at the big picture and maybe see a bright future in front of us somewhere down the road when we build everything up again. I really feel like she's the one for me, that's why it is so hard to let go. She wants to spend more time with me and do more talking before she decides what she feels, my only worry is that i'm not really myself so I can't really as someone above mentioned "win her over" I would also like to add that her having a thing for my brother is more normal than it sounds. He is honestly one of those "Brad Pit" or "David Becks" sort of a guy... that women well - love to love. So I'm rather used to knowing that all my female friends have been crushing over him at one point or another, I just never had a situation where my gf confesses wanting to be with him.

UPDATE ON MY LIFE Went to see her last night after work, things seemed to be okay. We watched a DVD, and we were on a sofa holding each other. An hour into the movie she asked “are we still together?” I really didn’t know what to make out of that so I said something along the lines of “I guess so” and in a semi-joking way “when did we break up?” … she answered “I don’t know” After a while, I couldn’t take it anymore so I said “Do you want to talk about something?” and again I heard “I don’t know” with a sigh at the end. Few minutes of silence and she said she has “a lot to think about” few more moments of silence and she said “she hates seeing me hurt.” I told her that obviously I am hurt by all of this, and that it really doesn’t matter what I feel like. I told her she should make up her mind on whatever it is that will make her life good, and take out my feelings out of the equation for a second. She didn’t say anything for a long time after that, the film was ending so I made up a believable excuse and left early; I just couldn’t take sitting there in awkward silence anymore. Now I don’t know what the hell is going on. I went to see her to maybe feel a little better, and here I am even more confused and hurt than before. If I had more alcohol in my house I would be too drunk to type right now, maybe it’s a good thing I didn’t have much. I just want something to get my mind off of her. I feel so ridiculously naïve for falling in love. Why did I get so attached, weak and defenseless? If this goes to pieces I don’t think I will ever allow myself to be this close to a woman again. ----------------------------------------------------------------- My situation is very complex and hard to explain, I’ll try to write it as briefly as possible, I do apologize if this post gets too long. Six months ago I started going out with this girl. Before her I was in a few casual relationships: where the objective was dating, sex, and all the frills of a girl. Sure, I said I was in love, but I know now that I wasn’t. Also before her, I was a rather confident guy. I was never some Mr. Self-Confidence, but I was well – comfortable with myself. Like, I never cared if my girl talked to other guys or danced with another guy, because I knew she loved me and wanted to be with me. This girl I am with now changed everything. Like I said 6 months ago we started going out. Things were perfect. She is absolutely beautiful inside and out. She is extremely attractive, when we first started going out I used to think “wow, I can’t believe a girl like this is with me.” At the same time, she is a great person to talk to, laugh with, be with, it was never only about her looks. I could write about us forever, but I’ll say it in a simple short way – things were perfect. Moments I spent with her were moments of perfect happiness; money can’t buy that sort of happiness. Slowly I fell in love, really fell in love. I became attached to her We have a very open relationship and we tell each other how we feel. However, after some time she couldn’t take it anymore and slowly confessed a lot of things to me. For one, she no longer feels attracted to me in a sexual way, like I’m not ugly – but I’m just like any other guy. She says even if that is missing she still really cares for me, but is that enough? She also confessed that she is sexually attracted to my brother and always has been (that we spend a lot of time with after work). She confessed that at first when we started going out, she thought she made a mistake, and should have went out with my brother instead. She told me she is unsure about us, unsure if she still loves me, and sometimes considers breaking up. However, for now she wants to be with me to figure it out. All this news really changed me. It seems that I am in love (can’t imagine being without her), and she on the other hand is not even sure if she wants me… not even mentioning loving me. This can’t be healthy, and I isn’t. My self esteem is gone completely. I feel unworthy of her, I feel ugly and unatractive, I hate mirrors, I hate my personality, I honestly can say I hate myself. I used to think the fact that someone “can’t sleep and eat” because of love was a bunch of overly dramatic bull * * * *, how wrong I was; now I know what that means. I get jealous and insecure every time she has to do anything with other men. I’m just a mess, I’m not what I used to be… I’m something else. I feel like she deserves better, like she deserves someone she can love with all her heart. I don’t know what to do. Should I let her go? Sometimes I feel she is with me only out of pity and fear of hurting me. I know ending this will hurt me like nothing before, I know it because just thinking about it is unbearable. But then again, life the way it is, is also unbearable. I feel like I can’t go on, I just want to run away somewhere far away from everything and her. Being with her hurts me sometimes, talking to her over the phone, even looking at her pictures hurts me, because she is everything to me and it seems like I am very little to her.

that is exactly what i did... gave her oral (at least one thing I can say I'm good at) and then we started having sex. ...but still, it's really strange to cum in your hand with most of your clothes still on I have no idea man, as far as I know i have never pre cumed in my entire life... mastrubation or sex. But yeah, sometimes I do ejaculate without much of "great sensation" ...does that mean I precum? It was rather a lot of sperm. ](*,) I have sex about once a week now, can't say I have tons of expirience (3 years with long breaks) and no... I wasn't too excited. It was really strange, my mind wasn't there at all, but it just came out : / any other ideas/comments/laughs ladies and gents?

Something so embarrassing happened today. So, my girl and I were just getting warmed up kissing and all that, she was ONLY starting to give me a slow handjob to get me ready, and all the sudden I come! Orgasm, no; but ejaculation, oh yes . I can't even begin to describe how embarrassing and frustrating this was for me. I'm not really a guy who lasts a long time on the first go, but THIS? What is wrong with me ](*,) !? The only explanation I could give is that I had a cold a few days ago, and my body (while no longer sick) is still a little weak. I guess you can say I am not in good health now, but would that be a reason for something this strange to come about?

as for premature... that is why i come once during foreplay, so mastrubation will not help. Problem is that I constantly come premature on ocasion. Its basically like this, guys: you know the feeling you get a minute or so before you ejaculate, that "momen of no return" sort of a tingle? Well, rarely when I have sex I get this tingle as soon as I get a boner, and from there it only takes a few minutes to finish ](*,) WHYYY? the only good thing is that the above is very rare, more common is the second case. I can't finish at all, and again I'm sorry to say but your advice will not help any other ideas? please help

I have no idea whatsoever how things work for other guys, but for me I can "get it up" after an orgasm as many times as I have tried. All I need is 3-5 minutes and I can have sex again, which naturally is great. However, I have a problem with control of my ejaculation which is not so great at all . If I try to have sex on my first go it ends no good, I end up with a premature ejaculation (and not a very satisfying one at that) some 5 minutes into it. The best explanation I can come up with is this: girls turn me on, lol. I don't have sex with girls that I find unattractive, they always are stunning, and they do not need to go down on me in order for me to get turned on. In fact, usually by the time we do get to sex, after all the foreplay, stripping, kissing, touching etc…. I am rather turned on, and from there sex often does not last as long as I would like it to. Kind of embarrassing to admit I guess, but oh well. Some friends told me it happens to me because I don't watch porn. well that is true, speciation of some overweight brute "doing" a fake-moaning girl never really appealed to me much. Early on in my sexual life, one of my came up with the solution that I still use. Since I can easily have sex twice or trice in a row, we (my partner and I) simply made my first ejaculation a part of the foreplay experience either through oral sex, 69, or some other method. This naturally made my life easier, but brought new problems that I still face. So as it stands I ejaculate once by some means before the actual sex, but then one of four scenarios usually happens during sex. The most optimal one naturally being the "desired effect." I get to have sex for a good amount of time (30 minutes/ejaculation) that is enough for my partner to finish at least once if not more. And I finish as well and rather enjoyably. After that I can go on another time, and another, until we are tired, sometimes we take breaks and then go back to it. The most dreadful scenario, and this only happened once (and I hope never again) is a series of premature ejaculations 0_o. I ejaculate with very little pleasure and in a very short amount of time, followed by that 5 minute period to get ready again, and I went again…. Was done in probably two minutes flat! Tried again in a fiver. That night I probably went through five condoms and reached no effect whatsoever, I can't describe how irritated I was, not to mention how lame I felt in front of my partner. One more "the most" - The most typical scenario, or the one that happens the most is that for some reason I just can't finish. I just last, well forever it seems. During sex, my lady finishes sometimes 3 or 4 times and sex lasts well over and hour, sometimes over two, to the point where we just can't go on. Although it feels great I just can't finish. When my girl is dead tired we usually go back to oral sex, this is probably some of the best oral sex, or for that matter sex that I get. I'm much more sensitive to that and it does the trick to finish me with a great orgasm. And #4 scenario is like the one I have just described above, however I don't finish even with oral sex, my partner might be working on me for perhaps a quarter of an hour and I will still not finish. Sometimes it just ends with her giving up and being a bit frustrated… I never thought about this but I guess girls want to make sure guys finish just like guys always stress about girls finishing. Anyway, either that or at one point with her giving me oral sex the sensation and pleasure gets so strong that I just can't take it anymore and I pull her away from my penis, by maybe kissing or something else (naturally not pushing her off the bed or something of that sort). That is the strangest of all, it is not an ejaculation but it feels BETTER than orgasm, my whole body goes numb and I have nothing to compare it to. Once I cool down a bit and start controlling my breath It makes me even more horny than before sex (as opposed to tired as after an orgasm) so I guess its not an orgasm. But this is usually when we stop because my partners body (mouth and everything else) had enough for one night, keep in mind that with the extra oral this is about two and a half hours of very active sex. What I have just desribed might seem nice and not "a problem" … and to be honest it is nice, and different, and sometimes even practical because as opposed to ending with an orgasm ending dry keeps me awake much better than two red-bulls (as opposed to being tired after an extensive orgasm)…. Which is great for morning sex by the way . God this is really long, I'm sorry I'm not used to forums. Anyway MY PROBLEM: I want to know how to control myself better. How do I hold it in when I need to, and how do I "let go" when it's time to finish up? I think controlling myself better would make my sexual life more normal… for now it is really strange for my partners who I guess are NOT TOO used to going to sleep with a guy who still has a boner after 2 hours of sex. Any ideas? My info Male 21, little sex experience (3 years with longer breaks) thanks