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Mrgreenjeans

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  1. Hello, all So there's this girl I've known for 9 years, we've always been strictly friends up until late 2020 where things began to get more intimate/romatic/sexual and since then, we've been casually dating, not official, and going on and off because life, not because we had problems. Recently she's been pretty consistent with me and I can tell that she really likes me and I like her too. She facetimes me almost everyday, sometimes even 2-3 times a day, if this means anything, she does 80% of the calling.. To get to the problem, my close guy friend of mine, sent me a sexually funny message that was hilarious, so I screenshot it and posted it onto my close friends list (Only people I put on the list can see it) on Instagram, and she's on the list of course because we've been close for so long. On the screenshot, I covered my friends name because he didn't want people to know it was him. Anyways, she saw the post.. The next day, I saw she unfollowed me on twitter which was odd, but didn't think much of it.. Later that day, I decided to facetime her, no answer, I called again, no answer. Again, didn't think much of it. Later that night, she deletes me on Snapchat so then I knew something was wrong so I called her, she answered and by her tone I could tell she was bothered, I asked her whats wrong and she said that the screenshot I had posted made her pissed off, jealous and hurt. Stupidly,I asked her why, and the reason I asked why is because I've posted stuff like this months before and it didn't bother her then, and she threw at me, "its sad that I have to explain why" I tried telling her I didn't mean to make her feel that way, and she was saying stuff like "you have the right to post what I want, but idk, just give me a night" not much was said after that, so we hung up, I then sent her a text after basically saying that I understand how she's feeling and I had no intention to make her feel that way and that I wanted to talk about it, and that she can call me whenever she's ready to do so. No response.. Next day I really thought she would've called me by then, but I got impatient, and so I called her again, I know, stupid, and she answered and I tried to understand more on how she's feeling and trying to explain how it was a guy friend of mine because she thinks it's a girl.. During the call she basically was telling me "I have no right to be upset or jealous, but idk, it made me feel some type of way, and you haven't really given me enough time to gather my feelings, and how do I know you're not lying" I sent her a screenshot of the chat without my friends name being covered and she said "You could've changed the name" So it's like she wants to be mad at me? Make me chase her more? I don't know.. But later in the conversation, I lightened up the mood and it worked, she seemed back to normal at the time and she added me back on twitter and snapchat, so I ended the conversation on what I thought was a good note but it wasn't.. Next day, I facetimed her and she answered, but she seemed disengaged and uninterested and even eventually asked me, "So why'd you call?" Which she has never asked me that before, and I told her because I just wanted to talk to you, she said oh okay, shortly after that, she said she had to go, and I knew then that she's still upset.. At that point I was frustrated at how she's handling this, especially since we are not officially dating and the fact that I'm trying to talk to her about it and fix it.. We didn't talk the rest of the day but late that night, she sent me 'a year ago today' snapchat, I didn't respond to it. Next morning she does it again with another 'a year ago today' snapchat, I didn't respond to that either because I want her to talk to me, not send snapchats, she also likes memes I post on Facebook, but won't talk to me.. So I felt I called her enough and tried talking to her, but she doesn't seem like she wants to at all, so I stopped calling her and she doesn't call me at all now, today is our 4th day without talking, but the fact she won't talk to me but she'll like my facebook memes and Instagram post kinda bugs me, it's like she's playing a game. Should I just leave her alone and give her space?? At this point, I don't know if she wants to see more effort, or if she wants me to leave her alone? I don't want to give her space then have her think I don't care, but I also don't want to smother her and push her away further, but again, I don't know what she wants.
  2. yeah, I get what you’re saying. It’s just hard for me to just let her go because I’ve known her for so long, you know? But I’ll do my best to do so.
  3. You are right, soon as I saw her texting that other person a couple times, I should’ve just left right then. My huge issue is I don’t show my true feelings if the other person doesn’t or I’m just afraid my true feelings will push them away or lead me to rejection. Either way, it’s something I need to overcome at this point, to avoid all this nonsense.
  4. So, I've been friends with this girl for 8 years, strictly that, and within those 8 years, we were dating other people, and that never bothered our friendship or affected it in anyway. But in late 2020, I noticed that she started to show more interest and sexual tension towards me for the first time in the 8 years in friendship. I went along with it and we ended up going on dates and eventually, we hooked up for the first time, after that she was really submissive, always calling me, texting me, etc. We liked each other, but we agreed that we shouldn't date exclusively and take things slow, but around April 2021, she was becoming distant and I backed off, didn't talk to her for almost 2 months because I didn't want to over pursue/chase. I would seek advice about it to friends, some who knew her, and the ones who knew her said that they felt she's always liked me (within the 8 years of friendship) but to be honest, I never noticed.. So She calls me for the first time in a while only to tell me she was moving to a city 6 hours away from me. And so she moved. So after her being in her new city for a few months, her and I were dating someone else (helped me with her leaving), then things went south with the person I was hooking up with and then my friend that moved tells me she broke up with her new bf after dating 2 months. And the cycle started again, by that I mean her pursuing me, texting me, calling, etc but of course a lot of this was done over facetime since she lived pretty far. So now to the current events, she visited the city where I live, which she also moved from, And we planned to hangout. So we met up one night and we hooked up, stayed the night and hooked up again in the morning, we then spent that whole day together. It was her idea to do so. So while hanging all day long it was as if we were dating, cuddling, kissing, going out, etc but one thing that threw me off was that she always texting a guy and it wasn't her ex she recently broke up with, it was someone else, but I didn't do or say anything about because 1. its non of my business 2. she's not my girlfriend, so i kinda kept shaking it off all day, she then suggested ending the night by going to an expensive bar and she'd pay for everything.(yes I tried to offer to pay but she wouldn't budge) So we got to the bar and the vibe was strange, it was like she was forced to be there even though she suggested it, it was weird.. And as we drank, I kept seeing her texting the same dude from through out the day, and when I drink, it's harder for me to hold in my emotions/feelings, so I started being quiet and she noticed that and i kept telling her I was fine to avoid any problems, she then randomly asked me, "do you think it's okay to get back with an ex?" At that point, I felt shes been texting some other ex all day, and that's who the guy was. I got even more quiet, upset, jealous and being intoxicated didn't help, so as I'm sitting there quietly she continues to text the guy and she finally finishes her drink and she pays the bill, and while she's doing that, I just left to my car without her, stupid, I know, I wouldn't have done that if I were sober. She gets to car and tells me how she didn't appreciate me leaving her like that and asked me why I'm upset, and being kinda drunk, i kinda snapped and told her that I didn't appreciate her texting on her phone all day while shes with me and that I took that as disrespect. I couldn't bring myself to tell her that I was jealous of who shes been texting all day because, again, she's single, she can do whatever she wants and i felt it would be dumb to do so assuming shes interested in the guy. I would feel she knows I like her at this point. So she then says shes sorry and that she'll take a mental note to put her phone on do not disturb or airplane mode next time we hangout again. After that, its silence for about 5 minutes and I kid you not, she calls the guy shes been texting all day and she told him "I'm just calling to see how you're doing" and told him she'll text him when she gets home to her parents house. I was thinking 1. you've been texting him all day and 2. of all times, you call him now?? (why would she do that) I drop her off at parents and we just gave each other a hug and said bye. Next morning, texted her saying sorry about the night before and she didn't reply until the next day saying "I appreciate you apologizing. I'm just glad we got to spend time together." I told her to have a great day and no response after that. So how should I handle the situation? Just back off completely right? I was also thinking if she wanted to talk to this guy all day, why spend the whole day with me and not go see him instead?? Is she using me?? If she ever calls me again, how should I carry the conversation, I know not to bring up that night at the bar.
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