Mike5

Oh god, I miss you so much. Today was a terrible day. Grey and long and miserable. I thought all day about our old life together. Everything seems so flat and pointless. I just want to be back in our old place on the couch, watching netflix and making jokes. I don't see how I can go through the rest of life without you. Years and years of being together. And it doesn't seem to be taking a thing out of you....

Thanks, SweetGirl. That's really beautiful of you. I shed tears today. At the moment, my ambition is pretty modest: survive one day to the next and maybe things will pick up someday. Hugs to you also xx

Thanks, SweetGirl. That's a really beautiful and touching message of support. I think the reason I'm finding it so hard today is because it feels like the first real day of summer here: cloudless, hot, plenty of people out and about enjoying life. I'm alone, facing the first summer by myself in nine years. Plus at 42 these things get harder and harder. I find it difficult to distract myself, plus even if I do when the distraction ends the pain comes back just as strong. But only time is the answer - I just have to try and plod on, one agonising step after other.

Having a bad morning of it thinking of you. It's Saturday, the sun is out and the sky is clear. But the only problem is that you're not here. I'm alone in this vast emptiness and life seems so meaninglessness. I'm fighting hard the urge to message you. Why, oh why, did you do what you did?

Carus, I'm sorry for your pain, my friend. If it's any consolation I'm in more or less the same boat. Totally isolated - nowhere to go and no one to see. Feel like this could kill me. Hang in there, buddy.

Today is the 2 month anniversary of you dumping me. I was sitting down at the table and you came over, told me, and fled the apartment. After 8 years together - that was all I merited. I feel like I was killed that day. I am amazed I am still alive. I wonder if you think much of me - I doubt it somehow.

Having a weak afternoon. Can't stop thinking of you and our life together. Us against the world. Feel a desperate urge to communicate - to escape this hell of isolation and loneliness and hopelessness. But I must not, I must not. Would only look pathetic in your eyes. Keep it together.

So I fell back asleep this morning and you were in my dream. "I need a hug" you said. I immediately woke up, the pain of it killing me. Before I had dozed off again, I went through an anger cycle, damning you for kicking me to the kerb. But getting angry is ultimately pointless and only deepens the inevitable sorrow I return to. A few people have said to me you will repeat the same behaviour with any future men. One even said you may regret dumping me. Maybe. But maybe it is all straw-clutching. Maybe you will feel very happy one day, heck maybe you are that way already.

So you'll be indifferent to know that today I have to change floors again, after what you did to me. Ironic that after your mania for travel destroyed us, I am now condemned to having to move all the time while you sit in the flat we were meant to be be in right now. And then on Friday you send me a picture of the back garden. I know you don't think much about the consequences of your actions, but to send that photo to the guy whose life you blew up after 8 years? The guy who committed himself to your project. You blow my head off and then you send me photos of what was meant to be our place. Nice. Touching. Sensitive.

Mitch, thank you so much. I may well take up your PM offer at some point. I've read your other posts and you seem to know how it is with these scenarios. Thanks again, man.

How could you have done what you did? Eight years together and I gave you my all. You told me from the start you wanted to move home to NZ. I signed up for that, put my heart and soul into it. And then one morning you tell me it's over and flee. I am left in dust and ashes, aged 41. With nothing. Having to sleep on friends' floors while you carry on with what was our life. And you're so heartless - nearly two months later nothing off you. Once I challenged you, you blamed me for everything and pulled down the shutters. I know what I did wrong and where I let you down, but you, no, not an ounce of culpability for the choices that made our life together harder than it needed to be. You head off into the sunset and leave me to die by the side of the road, after I supported you through thick and thin. HOW could you do this without talking to me first? HOW?