LootieTootie

I don't know ..but if a guy is funny and I want to know him better, I would probably reach out and ask "hey, when are we getting drinks with your coworkers?" 😁 I know that's just me and not you Kim. If you don't feel comfortable doing that, I wouldn't worry. But yea, I love when anyone can make me laugh and feel at ease. Might be too much but I've always felt that if you want to find someone, you gotta be proactive too. And yes, that means doing/saying something you normally wouldn't. I didnt meet anyone significant doing meetup groups - and some of those meetup groups were obviously for dating under hobbies/interests - but I did meet a lot of interesting and amazing people just pretending to be something I am not.

Can I ask what country she's in? Also I really think you need to think about this relationship a bit harder. For her to confess to you that she's been lying to you about this John, what else has she lied to you about? Please know that there are a lot of women in poorer countries who prey on men in first world countries. So lying and being deceitful is something most of these women are used to doing. Not saying all of them are like that but many of them are so you have to be smart and ask yourself if her lying to you is just a tip of the iceberg,

Also its very normal for someone to be on "dry spell" and use porn and then all of sudden stop using porn because now they're actually have sex. For most people, sex is a need.

Ok I agree with this even tho I am a big advocate of figuring your sh*t out before you get into a relationship. NN I think you're probably just tired and frustrated because this all new to you and you're not used to the mental and emotional aerobics of it all. Once you keep working on it, you will get better. The only problem I see is that your friend (or is it girlfriend now?) might find you exhausting too 😐 You mentioned she said you arent like this all the time but enough times for her to speak up. Any way, I think its an uphill battle for you but I do think that for you are trying to be a better and healthier version of you. It's hard to change what you've always been so I commend you for trying because we all can agree, a healthier version of you is a happier version.

I think this is fine and natural. You're feeling good about a new prospect and haven't felt the need to fantasize by watching porn or go to only fans. It's a good sign.

Thank you Rainbow 🙂 When you meet someone special, your whole body, mind and heart just know. Now... I think all these rules and dances are just silly games! Like "I don't have all day to read our fortune as well as your mind, mister/missy!" Thats exactly how I felt when I was dating and I played them too so I am not just a victim, I was a perpetrator too. I've been married to my husband for almost 8 years and I can tell you all, wow what a relief I don't have to go thru this vicious cycle any more LOL. Ok enough about me. But this is why I don't like the rules and dance stuff.... It plays into people's fricken emotions/insecurities. I think it stifles a relationship from organically developing. I believe the OP said that he would like the relationship to organically develop and feel like equal footing where he isn't the one doing all the initiation and looking like he is the one coming on too strong - esp. after she gave him some insight to her insecurities and how she's been hurt. Thats why I think he shouldn't do any of those "rules" - he should be himself - and if being himself means stepping back a little, awesome! Maybe a little bit more texting - awesome! But it looks like he got a good head on his shoulders and decided to give her some space. Before we get to the good night and good morning texts, I just want to say he did mention somewhere that the lady he is seeing actually said she liked them. & you said "what's she gonna say when he asks, that she hates it? That can be difficult to admit as we don't want to come across as hurtful and unappreciative." I think its hard to say what anyone would say when we don't know them. But I say please take people at their word! So if someone tells you they like something, go with it. Don't doubt them - to doubt then is to disrespect their word - disrespect them. So I can see why OP is doing the texting after he provided context. But you're right. Not all women would like the texting every day, morning and night, with the standard "good morning" and "good night" texts. But I know if I really like a guy, I love it. Probably why my husband still do it since we are on different sleep work schedule.

So you say she doesn't let you retreat. Is it because you need to retreat to sort yourself out, you need to retreat because the emotional toil of it all is too much for you, she is forcing you to talk, etc.? I am a big believer that when someone is ready to talk, they will talk. It just sounds like you are not ready to talk about things that weighs heavily on you and even when you open up, it doesn't seem like you're lighter from sharing. Maybe you are not ready to share?

Sounds like she is enjoying her vacation and its a good sign she has sent you texts without you initiating. Every busy mom/dad needs a holiday... or two... or three 🙂 Since you are an old-fashion guy, I would just ignore "rules" "the dance" or any "help books" by supposed dating gurus. When you meet someone and there is a deep attraction and deep connection, the last thing you need to worry is if saying good morning every day is too much. If I really like someone, I would be happy to see their text every morning and would text them right away with a big smile. That's just me tho... I guess not every women want to do that because it might appear desperate. Glad my husband wasn't into rules and "the dance" too and maybe thats why we clicked so well.

I wasn't surprised too that they didnt work out. In fact I watched these type of shows aaaall the time but I am realistic because I've watched these enough to know that 95% of these couples don't work out in real life. Unpopular opinion... I really do think Gerry and Theresa, at their age, really had a deep connection ... on the set. LOL That's how it is. When a set is a MADE for you... like how can you not fall in love with the other person! I don't know if anyone watched this episode, except Starlight. But the episode with Gerry and Theresa first 1:1 date is where Gerry picks up Theresa in this nice old classic car and he was driving so slow and kept getting honked at, and the whole time Theresa in her "namaste" state just had one calm gentle hand on his arm. They get to their '60 diners theme date and he said he was so scared that once he felt her hand, a calmness came over him. Then they do this Grease dance with the whole staff. So again, how can you not fall in love when theres already chemistry with someone? I think once they got out of that TV set, and back to living real life and realized ... "oh theres nobody setting another romantic scene for us - no writer, no director and no beautiful waterfall or staff serving me at every whim." Yea.. there's an art behind these shows. Once that sorcery is gone, reality sets in. I love seeing couples come out of this strong and still together - of course not many. I watch Survivor and a lot of the winners and contestants don't let fame get to their head. Not everyone who goes on these shows have self-serving interest where their moral is corroded. I think most people like competition and humans, as most animals, love being spectators of competition. I also like watching the connection between contestants... most people are not all about themselves. Some of them know if they don't have a chance or even if they do have a chance, they cheer on their peer/rival(s) and still express humility and sportsmanship (and I've seen this on LIB!)

I don't think he rejected you but his response wasn't an emphatic celebration. So yea, I don't think he likes you like that but just as a friend.

So I just quoted what stick out to me. And thats because I am speaking from experience and so it doesn't mean it applies to your situation. So you can totally disregard my post. When Ive dated people who told me early on they've been hurt and are trying to be cautious, I found out later that they weren't over what happened to them and they projected a lot of insecurities onto me and the relationship and it ruined any opportunity of growth/progression. In the end, I just got fed up with people telling me this or even me feeling this self-pity for what happened in the past. If you aren't in the right mind frame to date and find love, just don't date and drag someone down with you. I keep writing this and this should really be my signature. Early on in dating, everyone should listen to their gut. If your gut is telling you that your interaction or communication is signaling doubts and insecurities, its because on a subconscious level, you are reading between the lines. Any way good luck and I hope she does reach out to you and plan for an alternative plan to meet up.

Uhh ...what?! So is she running an illegal business then?! Here we were... talking to you about making sure you transfer all the social media accounts back to her and don't use it on your own personal email account.... and turns out, she probably wouldn't even have a leg to stand on because she never made you sign any paperwork. SMH talk about hot mess. Any way, good thing you're leaving and I am sure she will be just fine.

Please have a heart to heart with your 10-year boyfriend - agree with everything catfeeder said. Groceries is expensive and you should not be taking that on yourself. Can I ask how you both came to the conclusion that you would buy all the groceries for you and him? Same with the cleaning lady?

RUN! Do not look back. You cannot help him. They have to want to help themselves. You just need someone to watch your back when you're packing while he's not there. Please ask a family member or a close friend. I'm sure they will help you no questions ask because they are just as tired of him as you are.

Got it. If you both leaned a few times, then I think you're ok, because it was mutual. I don't think she was blaming you. I think maybe she was having doubts since there were no contact the following day and then Monday rolls, she decided to say something about the kisses but it was late and you were asleep. She is probably in her head a lot. I think she'll respond to you about seeing each other again. Fingers crossed.