Hi all. Bit of a question on a 'situation'. It's a bit of an unusual question in that I'm not asking for advice on what to actually "do" but more because this situation is really messing with my head (I'm tossing and turning at night struggling to sleep because of it) and I'm just trying to rationalise why it's affected me so badly!
So to give a bit of background, I'm 39, male, single, using dating apps. I've used them for a good long while and almost always found them quite tough going - I did have a relationship of 3 or 4 months that ended a year and a bit ago but since then, I've not met anyone I've really hit it off with.
About 6 weeks ago, I matched with a woman (let's call her Emma) who seemed like a really good prospect. We seemed to have everything in common (e.g. my profile picture is of me running in a race and her first comment to me was "I'd have been about 100 metres behind you in that photo!"). Chat was really good, good long messages going back and forth several times a day and I was thinking "this has really got potential, we get on well and seem to have everything in common". I'd showed her photo to a few friends (when we were sat round in the pub and they asked me how dating was going).
After maybe 4 days, I was about to say 'let's swap numbers and fix up a date' before suddenly, out of the blue, bang, she unmatched me! Just deleted me. It was a proper 'what the f***!' moment. I just couldn't fathom it and, I'll be honest, it left me feeling pretty low for a couple of days afterwards.
Like all things though, it happened, it passed. I was still disappointed but I got out of my slump after a couple of days. This was until about 3 weeks later when my best mate (let's call him Ben) messaged me. Ben is also on the apps after his divorce and Emma had now swiped right on him. He knew I'd been talking to her (as he was 1 of the friends I'd shown her photo to in the pub) and wanted to ask what the score was. Essentially he was interested himself but was doing the decent mates thing of checking whether I was seeing Emma or had been seeing her. I told him the story exactly as I'd described it above and said “I never actually even met up with her, so nothing to stop you if you're interested in her”
Anyway, fast forward a couple of weeks. Ben and Emma have met up, had 2 or 3 dates and really hit it off. I should be happy for him (after all, he's my best mate, he's a good guy, and he's met someone who it seems to be going well with).
But it's really badly messed with my head! I've been lying awake at night tossing and turning thinking about it and it's made me feel quite rubbish. I don't normally consider myself to be a jealous person, and I'm well aware that, logically, how I feel is a gross over-reaction given that I have no history with this person other than a few days messaging on a dating app. So why do I feel this way? Struggling to get my head around it.
So just to re-iterate, I'm not looking for any advice on what to “do”. I know that the only decent thing to do is to leave Ben and Emma to it, the ship with Emma has well and truly sailed.
But what I am looking for a perspective on is why this has affected me so badly and why it's left me feeling the way I do.