Jump to content

Bumblebee093

Bronze Member
  • Posts

    132
  • Joined

Recent Profile Visitors

The recent visitors block is disabled and is not being shown to other users.

Bumblebee093's Achievements

Enthusiast

Enthusiast (6/14)

  • Reacting Well Rare
  • First Post
  • Collaborator
  • Conversation Starter
  • Week One Done

Recent Badges

11

Reputation

  1. No I’m not telling people I’m suicidal. My sister put a report in about the situation and they wanted to come round to do, as they said, a welfare check to follow up on the report and assess the situation they came round last night. They went through my situation. Went through what I can do to keep myself safe. I raised concerns about not knowing where he is as he said he was sleeping “rough” and I don’t know where to send his stuff. They don’t think he’s sleeping rough but it’s not my concern.. they also need a report to be filed so if anything happens it’s on the system with his and my info. He has left me his contact details and resources to look into. my mum sent him a text telling him to arrange when to collect his stuff and it ended up with more heart strings pulling of “I just wanna come home “I’m scared” “please let me sort it out” He left me voicemails on a different number crying and getting emotional It was distressing. I have deleted these I haven’t messaged him, answered any unknown calls. I still have the pang of guilt but just gotta work through it. My mind is still saying that this isn’t abuse
  2. They were coming over for a welfare check. To make sure I got the support and basically to go through everything with me so it’s logged down in the system so if he did try to come back or if anything happened to the house or me and my family then they’ve got something on system which could indicate it was him from the first phone call they agreed that I needed to make sure plans where in place and gave us a crime reference to use incase anything happened and that they will come round and make sure we’re safe, what to in certain situations etc etc but in the next call to follow up it was a “well it’s not important your ok, situation is fine” which is kinda made me feel dumb 🤷‍♀️ we’re okay currently, I know its stupid to put my mum in this situation. I also feel very guilty for that and I have apologised profusely to her and will probably always show how sorry I am. She don’t deserve that in her home. I will say I’ve never felt threatened physically by him like he would attack me or my mum but at the same time nobody can be 100% on that. He charmed his way into my mums good books and she had no problem with him until the arguments and the verbal abuse started at me then it was a very fast spiral which lead to where we are now. I know I have to take some responsibility for this that I brought him into our home to give him that safe space to get the help he needed and I should have been stronger and put my foot down and given him an ultimatum - well no i should have told him to leave. Period. But I know it just sounds like I got doormat written in my head lol
  3. Bit of a ***show this evening. Police was going to ring to let me know when they will be coming over (they said they tried this morning but no answer… I don’t have any missed calls). They did ring while I was at work and my mum took a message and let them know when I would be home. It’s now 9pm and I’ve heard nothing. My sister rang to follow up cause I told her what happened and basically said that it isn’t important and they don’t need to do anything …. It’s just pushed everything I was feeling about over reacting and being stupid right to the forefront. I’m in shock. It’s left me feeling very vulnerable I started to pack all his stuff up and I just can’t face it. It’s making me feel dizzy with the rush of emotion
  4. Thank you everyone. I am taking on all this information and have blocked him on social media (minus Facebook as I have that deactivated at the moment mainly as he’s more active in that side of social media and really don’t want to reactivate it yet - once I do which will probably be when I’m in a better place that’s the first thing I do but currently I don’t exist on Facebook) I’ve got new front door locks and back door locks and our side gate is bolted up. I know that this is going to be really hard and pretty tough but if I can get through today (whilst still being able to work) then I can do the next day and so on. I’m crying when needing to and just letting it all out but making sure that when I feel like the way I do that I’m surrounded by my family so I don’t try to reach out to soothe my guilt that I know I shouldn’t be feeling. The texts he sent me are really weighing on my shoulders and I know that’s what he wants me to feel. I know he wants me to chase him and beg him not to do anything silly and tell him that I love him and care for him and open my arms and my home back up to him. It’s just hard to go from him being here to all of a sudden shutting him out. I know it’s needed. I know i need to do what is best for me and what is best for My mental health.
  5. Thank you. Locks have been changed this morning so we’re all good on that part. I had my brother in law stay round last night just to keep an eye and ear out as he didn’t want me and my mother to be on my own I feel like a child at the moment when I am a full grown woman. Hopefully the guilt and sadness eases. I’ve got therapy in the wings anyway for self esteem and being more assertive which my therapist thinks will help me in the long run. I’ve got in contact with womens aid. I’m trying to get as much resources as possible so it can be drilled into my silly head.
  6. Thank you for all your advice and support. I am being strong and I am standing my ground. He’s texted non stop. I haven’t replied not even once. He’s gone from telling me that he don’t know what he would do without me to that he won’t make this hard for me and my mum and then said he’s still the scared little boy and as I’m typing this message he just wrote “goodbye” He’s threatened suicide before and each time my whole body is screaming at me that he’s not going to do it but my lil old heart just can’t take something like that so lightly. This time I’m not doing anything. I’ve spoken with the police who are coming to see me tonight and they advised that I screen shot the messages and send them to someone and just delete them Don’t reply. I’m not removing any of his stuff from the room until the police let me know what to do as I’m avoiding anything that can cause an issue. Im expecting to get abusive messages next from him or his friends or both
  7. He’s just texted me again (I haven’t responded). Telling me he’s sleeping rough till Friday. He said his phone hasn’t got much battery and he’s on his own and he has nothing…. He said he also had a bad PTSD attack and he can’t believe I would react like this and do this and that he’s broken. I know he is probably saying this to pull at my heartstrings and it really is working. I feel like absolute poop. I had everyone around me yesterday evening, my dad my mum my friend and my brother in law and yet I still felt so alone and so lost and guilty. I’m at work to have some normality and to be away from my house and he texted me as soon as I was at work. I know what I’m doing is hard and it’s gonna be a long process but it’s so difficult when you care so much about peoples wellbeing and how they are coping. I know it sounds so stupid and I wish I could just turn off my emotions with a snap of the fingers
  8. I’m just going to ramble so apologised for the sloppy mess. I’ve been on this site before for a previous breakup that was hard, I eventually found myself in a new relationship with someone I was a friend with. It was going well, I was happy and thriving and he made me feel good and loved. He had a few issues which caused his mental health to decline and was kicked out. I, being the kind, caring women took him into me and my mothers house under the guise that he will be safe and it will give him a safe place to work through his mental health issues and find work eventually. It never happened. The emotional abuse started. He would shout at me over anything and everything. Tell me I’m not compassionate, that I don’t care that all I do is make it about myself. I don’t listen and I don’t support him. It would start with this. It will involve me then getting upset and giving him to him and giving him more attention. I basically mothered this guy for 4 years. I paid for everything, I cooked for him. Did the shopping. Went to work. Cleaned up. Did his washing and repeat. I was made to feel bad when I saw friends and god forbid a man spoke to me. This went on in cycles. He would verbally abuse me and sound aggressive and then profusely apologise but tell me that I should not do x,y,z then he wouldn’t have to feel that way. it has progressively got worse recently. He went stalked all my social media through his secret accounts that I didn’t know about and tried to find any sort of comment that he could start an argument. Once again it started but this time my mother got involved. She has always got involved and told him if he don’t buck his ideas up she will kick him out. She felt threatened in her own home by the way he was acted and I feel so so bad about it. he kicked off and she stood her ground. He was aggressive and got in my and her face. Trauma response kicked in and I blacked out. I don’t really remember anything after that. Just that I was hyperventilating. Cut a long story short and lots of arguments and abuse thrown me he messaged me while I was at work threatening suicide. All The blood in my body drained as he’s said this before and I felt hopeless. I told my mother who told my sister and my sister rang me. She knew what was going on without even knowing as she had noticed a change in my mood and how I held myself. She said she felt I wasn’t me and that I lost myself. We spoke for a while and she told me a few things he had said to her that I had no clue that made her feel uncomfortable and second guess herself. I understand why she didn’t tell me but I wish she did. She told Me that she thinks what he is doing is coercive abuse. I got home and I was a mess. He took my back door key so still had access to the house. My sister called a police helpline (if you’re from the UK you might be familiar with 101) for support. I wasn’t aware she did that and the police agreed that what was happening was a form of abuse. I got a welfare check happening and my mum contacted him And told him not to come home and the police will be called if he attempts to come back. I am scared. I feel guilty. I am extremely upset. I can’t stop crying or feeling like I’ve let him down? But why. He let me down!! I feel absolutely alone. This might have been a complete ramble but I just need some hope that this will get better. I don’t understand why I still have sympathy for him why I feel guilt. Why I still care. I still keep telling myself that this can’t happen to me. Why would it happen to me?
  9. Heard you are engaged.. again, congrats. When I saw that picture and saw the way my friend got himself pissed off and upset compared to how I reacted which was laughing and giggling like a little school girl showed me how far i've come and what I've learnt about myself and our show of a relationship. You're insecure. You cannot and will not be alone. No-one likes being alone but i've learnt that I am strong and that I can be alone, I've appreciated what I can do... ALONE. Our relationship was doomed to end at some point and i'm glad it happened when it did... before we got married, before we had children. You've suddenly changed who you are, the person I fell in love with. You was a kind, loveable, bubbly man that everyone adored when they first met him. Your laugh was infectious and you made everyones day brighter. You was different. Now you act like a 'lad'. Seeing your pictures you look tired, worn out, stressed. You look... different. No glow about you. What has happened? I've found my happy place and i've learnt that I don't miss you anymore. I don't miss the person you've become. I realised that its time to put my happiness first. You would have thought that seeing the news you was engaged would upset me but in fact its secured the feelings that i've been having, i've moved on and i'm truly happy without you.
  10. Ever since I saw you in your car and our eyes met, it has thrown me off the slow and steady safe path I was on. I dislike you for making me feeling so small, I dislike you for leading me on when you knew I wanted you back but you had another. I’m so mad that I’m the one suffering with the pain you left me while you enjoy your life with a new girl. I’m mad that my existence has left your brain, no thought of me. Nothing. I’m angry that I still dream of you every night. I’m angry that I can’t go to my favourite place cause it’s tainted with memories of you that I can’t bare to face. I can’t listen to my favourite songs without crying cause they was our songs. I can’t seem to do much without a lingering memory. My heart still feels heavy and I feel like I’ve got myself in this endless cycle of hurt.
  11. I really really dislike you at the moment but I can't get you out my head and my heart won't stop loving you! I still can't move forward yet over the fact you got with someone a week after we split, how you can tell me to 'get over it already' when we was together for 10 years and only been apart for a month... I despise the fact that you're not suffering, that you look happy with her. I hope I can go to the places that you've tainted with memories and not think and cry over you. I hope I can think of my special place and not be bombarded with memories and feelings of when we used to go... I hate the fact that I still love you so much and yet I get so angry at it!
  12. You're an idiot. I hope im on your mind and it's just as painful for you as it has been for me. You're an idiot for stringing me along and playing with my emotions while in a "relationship" - the relationship you jumped into a week after we split, we was together for 10 years. Shows how heartbroken you "really" was. I hope memories still flood back about me and you realise how effed up this is and what you've lost. I've tried. YOU.ARE.AN.IDIOT. :)
  13. I'm exhausted with this gut wrenching feeling of replacement. I so wished you would just speed round here. Sweep me off my feet and just kiss me. I sat and watched the fireworks and Big Ben go off, I listened to the song that was playing "one last time" I sat there and cried, was you thinking of me too? Because you was all that was on my mind. You were probably with her, setting your plans for the year ahead, the girl who you jumped into bed with a week after we split. The girl you're family just welcomed in open arms. I feel sick and disappointed in you but at the end of all this mess, hurt, tears and pain from both ends. I miss you and love you. I wish I could just have you back in my arms but I know that isn't possible.
  14. You say you're not over me, 2 weeks ago you kissed me, 2 weeks ago you told me you could never find another person like me, you would wait forever for me to come back to you, you would fight for me. Then a week after we break you jump into another relationship and bully me. Make me feel like , you flaunt your relationship on social media knowing that someone will tell me about it. You've hurt me, even if I broke up with you. I wanted this to be civil, I kept it civil. I want to text you and tell you exactly what you've done and the mess YOU'VE made. but after all of this hurt, pain and the images stuck in my brain of u. I miss you.
×
×
  • Create New...