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Lillypoo

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  1. This did go through my head. I just constantly feel I can’t say anything about the relationship because I just get called a drama queen. I sometimes feel he’s too immature for a relationship.
  2. Yes this is the same man. Been together over a year. I’m not sure if it’s abusive because I sometimes don’t know if he’s joking or is it serious. I’m starting to think what is wrong with me.
  3. Hi, I’m just looking for some advice/clarification. My boyfriend both in our 30s, he has high functioning autism - means he has communication issues which I do try to understand and have read up and listened to lots of podcasts/audiobooks on to help understand things better. Anyway the issue is he constantly say some rude things some I think are just teasing me in a silly way which I don’t mind and on the other hand he can be very rude and sometimes mean. The other day he said out of the blue “you don’t have a sense of humour, you’re not funny” he then said “I don’t look good in the mornings” I told him that’s just rude and he proceeded to say “ oh you are so dramatic” he’s not exactly a Calvin Kline model. I’m not ugly but who looks good in the morning. But it has made me a little self conscious. He was talking about something (vikings, Greek gods) that I know nothing about and he asked me questions on it and I said “I don’t know, tell me” he then said in a rude manner “ do you even know anything” I felt like that was a horrible thing to say, I said “what do you mean” when I talk about anything that I’m interested in you know nothing it like you don’t know anything”. We talk about lots of things and when it comes to history, dinosaurs or some of the tv shows he watches yes I don’t know because that’s his thing and I’m happy to learn and ask questions on things but I have certain interests that he doesn’t know about. If I say anything a little critical he just says “ your so dramatic and I can’t deal with it” . The other day he listed things that annoy him of me and I listed some that grate on me of him but I then asked to even it out to say things we love about each other, his response “nope I’m not doing that”. It was so easy for him to list the annoying things but not the good. I’m starting to think he doesn’t love me anymore, or even like me. The things he does do for me is he phoned me every night, comes to my house every weekend because he drives (we live in different cities), he sometimes pays for meals out. Things I do for him, I buy him things like expensive gifts, make him dinner everytime he stays, I always organise dates, I’m the one initiating affection. He said he loves affection and I get very little even though I like/need it in a relationship which I have told him but he then says I’m attention seeking. The last time we said bye to each other he shakes my hand, it was weird. I will just say he used to be affectionate and try hard, he used to call me hot, sexy, gorgeous, beautiful but not anymore. He said his last relationship the girl gave him no affection and he says he needs that but it’s hard to do now when I feel like he’s being distant. If I try to talk about it he just says I’m “ overreacting, being dramatic or a drama queen” I never shout or try to argue just calmly put my point across. He gets annoyed if I go silent and say nothings wrong at times because im evaluating and processing saying anything as I know the reaction I will get. Any advice/opinions?
  4. I do believe he is wanting to end the relationship, he’s never ended it with a previous girlfriend even when it became bad. I feel really lonely in the relationship, there’s no affection on his part. The only thing he does is drive to see me and pay for things. But it feels like a friendship now.
  5. I feel that if I say that it will push him away further. He already feels distant with me. He was getting annoyed with me coughing this weekend (I had a cough and I might have asthma). He gets annoyed at everything I do but I don’t want to sit him down and tell him all these negative things, I want to do it in a gentle way as he is really sensitive.
  6. Yes this is the same boyfriend. I booked a break for us but there was lack of enthusiasm and he keeps saying just spending time cuddling is enough. I think I’m trying too hard and maybe I should cancel the break away. He doesn’t seem to be helping himself. I think I’m going to take a back seat because I can’t fix it for him. I will be there if he wants to talk but I need to look after myself too.
  7. Hello again, I recently posted - I thought my boyfriend of 8 months was losing interest. We had a talk this weekend because there was lots happening at his work, after chatting we he said he hasn’t felt happy in his life for a while, I asked him, what’s making him unhappy and he said work. He told me the extent of the bullying he is receiving at work and it’s really bad. I’m amazed he still goes in to work everyday. I would love him to quit and find somewhere different as there is no one he can report this to his work, it’s a very toxic work environment. I have noticed he hasn’t been eating much lately and has lost weight. He loves his food. He used to be on antidepressants but he doesn’t want to go back on them, I suggested he talks to his doctor but he doesn’t want to. I feel he really needs help. His family are supportive but he doesn’t talk about his feelings much and bottles them up, which I was surprised he spoke with me about things, even though it was a short conversation. I booked us a mini break as a surprise for him, so he could have time away. He didn’t seem too keen on the idea, saying “it costs too much for me” “you don’t need to waste your money on me” I told him I want to and its not a waste of money, I tell him he’s worthy of it. I don’t do big gestures like that, I do little ones. He is the one that does the large romantic gestures. i don’t know how to help apart from keep telling him I’m there for him and cuddling him. it’s hard not to take it personally. Because I keep thinking it’s me that’s causing his depression.
  8. Thanks for your reply. You are right I shouldn’t force things and just let it happen naturally.
  9. After typing it all out I realised it’s definitely my anxiety causing me issues. I focus too much on what he doesn’t do and instead of what he does do. I am getting too “in my head”. Think I need to work on my self esteem too. thank you
  10. It’s more for an emotional connection. He rents out his apartment occasionally for holidays let’s so I can’t always stay at his, he lives with his parents if he has people staying. I try to stay and travel to see him as much as possible, I organise dates that I think he would enjoy, I cook him his favourite meals when he comes over, I buy him little gifts, give him massages when he’s stressed out or just because. I do appreciate him and tell him often.
  11. Thank you. Yes I think I need to work on my anxiety because I don’t want to push him away.
  12. I have brought up Christmas, new year, holiday ideas for next year and I’ve said to him I’d love to move in with him eventually.
  13. Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for over 8 months. I love him and he says he loves me. In my past I’ve had horrible relationships where they were abusive. This relationship has definitely not been like that, he has been kind, caring, thoughtful and generous. At the start it was very easy and we were loved up. He used to text me cute pet names but he has stopped this recently. He doesn’t phone me as much as he used to either. But he is still making an effort with dates. He took me to a gig recently, he booked it even though he doesn’t like the band and hates concerts, he still went. He goes to see movies I want to see, he drives out to see me every weekend and he booked a weekend away at a lovely hotel and booked me in a massage. I do have a tendency to overthink everything and I do have an anxiety disorder so I’m trying to figure out if the relationship has changed or it just me. He used to bring up future plans with me but now that’s stopped. I asked him this but he just says he doesn’t want to put lots of pressure on us. I understand but I do need to feel it’s going somewhere. When we are out anywhere he never looks like he wants to be with me (again this could be me overthinking). He has never broke up with a girl before so I’m worried he’s not happy. I’ve asked him and he says he is, but I don’t want to keep asking. When I’m upset about anything or stressed he always phones to make sure I’m ok. a little bit about him………… he has autism not high on the spectrum but he’s been diagnosed with it. he has a stressful job and he hates it so I know this gets to him so I’m not sure if Am I overthinking or is he losing interest?
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