MelissaQ

thank you all so much for taking time to reply. I really appreciate it. I am going to use all the advice you gave me It’s still very fresh and I need to get through this initial hurt/pain first… I have definitely learned from this.. I have an anxious attachment style and this situations trigger me so so so much. It’s like a trauma reaction. I take rejection so personal and process it so deeply.. wish it didn’t work that way.. Still feeling guilty and stupid for my emotional/reactive response to him, which makes me look like a fool.. but shouldn’t be too harsh on myself for that too and don’t care what he thinks. I know this pain will go away. I will definitely set my priorities and boundaries straight. Never ever going to get involved in a casual relationship anymore..

Currently I am experiencing mixed emotione (sadness, frustration, desperation etc..) I just feel so dissappointed in myself.. So this happened: someone I was casually hooking up with just told me he was seeing someone else. This hurt more than I expected beforehand. I did grow fond of him even though the contact wasn’t that much, but he was ‘there’ for more than an year. When he told me he wanted to pursue things with someone else, it just triggered me. What does that girl has that I don’t? I did somewhat have an emotional response and now I feel guilty because I know that I look bad now.. I just feel ‘dumped’, because the message he delivered was only 2 sentences and came across very careless I do know that the thing I had with that guy was casual and I know I shouldn’t do those things.. so thats why I feel so stupid that I fell for it again. I guess I had a glimmer of hope that the guy would start to see me differently.. He always told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship, but now he is with her.. and not me.. It’s just that this happens to me all the time.. i’ve been single for over 5 years now. Guys never see something more in me than just ‘casual’. I feel like I’m never girlfriend material.. They always tell me they are not ready for a relationship when things end, but then end up in one a few months later. I then feel so alone and ‘unwanted’ because all the guys Ive dated over the last 5 years are all in relationships now and I’m still the ‘odd’ one out. Almost feeling ashamed because of that.. I know I need to change something.. but I don’t know how. I just really feel that guys never see me as girlfriend material and that feeling sucks..

I miss you so much it hurts. It hurts so much that it makes me depressed. We were best friends and all of a sudden you didn't have feelings anymore, so you cheated and left me for someone else.. As harsh as this is.. Everyday I'm hoping to wake up from this nightmare.. I just can't stand not talking to you or that you don't know what's going on in my life right now. How can you be okay, while I feel conpletely lost and devastated?