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TurntSloth

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  1. I feel like I'm now at a stage similar to where I was before we met, and that's a good thing. I really feel like myself again and have set my sights back on travel and work aspirations that went somewhat out the window when I focused my attention on you. I've re-opened my eyes to the millions of other people out there and enjoyed keeping myself busy, and yet I do still miss you a little. We're complete strangers at this point and if we did meet it would be more awkward small talk than anything else purely because we don't really know each other anymore. The whole thing makes me feel weird. I hate the idea that you could have someone else in your life right now, and even though I know it doesn't make a shred of difference to my life in any way, thoughts of you doing the things we used to with someone else still puts a knot in my stomach. I wish I knew how to get you our of my head for good. I feel like I'm being haunted by thoughts of you constantly, but I daresay they're slowly making their way to the back of my mind rather than the front. That's something I guess.
  2. I'm not even sure I actually 'miss' you anymore. It's weird, I think about you all the time but given the chance would I even want to welcome you into my life again? I don't think I do... well I don't know, do I...? No, this is more of an obsession or and addiction. I'm so used to pining after you that it's just become habit at this stage much like brushing my teeth twice a day. You're still such a big part of me even though we haven't spoken for months. Weird. I should probably try to shake this but I think I'm on the right track and will get there in time. I can definitely feel a shift in my feelings in the last week or so. I can see all of your bad qualities with clear eyes for the first time and I don't miss them. I feel sad saying it as we did have great times together - some of my best times in recent memory have been with you in-fact, but I know there will be more good times for me in the future. I have no idea how you're doing at the moment and I truly don't think I care at this stage - it makes no difference to me either way. I hope my next relationship is no where near as awful as ours was, but after the lessons I learned from you, I don't think I'll make those mistakes and allow someone to treat me that way ever again. Thanks for that I guess...
  3. Happy Birthday. You're getting old now! Sure that won't stop you from having a good time haha Miss ya
  4. I stopped by our old workplace today as I was in the area - that definitely brought back memories, the whole place really hasn't changed much. One of the girls not that close to the situation actually asked me about you - mentioned she'd bumped into you a couple of months ago in fact, of course she wasn't to know that we hadn't spoken since before then. I left feeling alright, but naturally my mind started to wander to thoughts of you so I looked... when will I learn. So you've joined the army? Interesting career move no doubt inspired by him. You do you I guess, you're certainly not part of my life any more so it makes no difference really, and yet I can't help but feel this is final now (like it wasn't already...). You're gone and pretty soon you won't even be within reach anymore. I guess my foolish mind always took some weird comfort in the fact that you lived and worked pretty close by, even if we weren't talking. Now I feel sad again despite us not seeing each other for a long time. It's a weird one. I'm actually living my best life right now and I'm not just saying it. I've thrown myself into several things since we stopped talking and have a lot of new friends and awesome new work on my plate that I may not have secured had I been more worried about us spending time together. I've also met someone else and I'd really love to see where things go. I just wish I could forget you for good... Worse is that a bigger part of me still wishes we could hang out again, even though I know it's wrong and it won't happen. It just kills me that we're both going down such different paths and can't even share our experiences with each other anymore. I never wanted us to be strangers. I miss you.
  5. I dreamt about you last night and it caused me to wake up in the middle of the night. First time that's happened in a good few weeks. The weird thing is that in the dream I wasn't begging for you to come back, in fact I wasn't even happy to see you. I told you to go away and leave me alone whilst I enjoyed finding myself again and being happy without you. Maybe this means I'm finally turning a corner and moving on... then again seeing as I feel the need to write this maybe not. Who knows... Still missing you hugely, but feeling positive and genuinely excited about what the future holds for the first time - even without you in it. Hope you're well I guess.
  6. It's been basically two months since we last spoke and I still think about you every. single. day. I miss you so damn much. I'd give anything to go back to the way we were, but you've moved on (or back depending how you look at it) and so must I. I'm honestly trying but it's so hard. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever feel the happiness I felt with you again - I definitely hadn't before we met and I sure as hell haven't since. It kills me knowing you're back with him, not giving a damn about me, after every moment we shared, every good thing you said about me and every bad thing you said about him. Empty words. Meaningless lies that have me questioning our whole time together. But it's not worth thinking about, it only hurts me to do so. I need to move on. I wish you'd just get out of my head and out of my heart. I don't condone the way that you acted, but I understand and would even say I forgive you. The fact that you've simply cut me out of your life since he came back makes it so hard not to resent you though. Was I always this meaningless? ****. I shouldn't even want you anymore but I still do. I don't know what to do with myself. I'll keep moving forward and one day I will get better, but I honestly don't see a day in my future where your name doesn't cause my heart to ache. It feels so unfair...
  7. I'll never understand why you choose to chase after a guy who cheated on you, made you insecure about your body and ended most of your friendships, but it doesn't matter anymore. You've made your choice and so I've made mine. It sucks that it's come to this though. I miss you.
  8. Wow, I came here to post and this basically said what I'm feeling, word for word even down to the talking once in the morning. Here's to us not breaking NC again...
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