Morello

I think the kisses themselves didn't seem to be a problem (assuming she did enjoy them), but overall, it seems you went a bit over the top and tried too hard (flowers, travelling, paying for everything). With the kisses at the end, maybe she felt you were pushing too hard to make it happen. But the main point is that people can fickle for any reason really, even if they actually enjoyed the date. They can give you an excuse or a reasonable reason why they don't wanna continue. It really doesn't matter, as they don't really owe you anything. As others said, you might wanna watch a bit of the "entitlement" that is coming off from your post. If you offer to pay, to travel, to give her flowers, it's your decision. She owes you nothing. Again, maybe she got some weird vibes from you that you were going for the kiss because you felt it was the natural thing to do, given all your effort. A lot of the time, it's not what it is, but how it comes across. especially with people you don't know. Often, less is more. But I know all of this now that I'm already off the market; took me ages to figure it out. How old are you?

This has never been a friendship, at least since you developed romantic interests for her. I think you both have been navigating this situation to the best of your abilities and interests, but it just didn't work out. It has become somewhat unhealthy, probably for both of you. You're triggering each other a lot. I find that instead of trying to overanalyse why this didn't develop into a proper romance, it's better just to accept it didn't, and move on. Some things just don't work out. Getting out of this situation will give you clarity about what it is that you want (and don't want) in your next partner. At the right time (once you leave and digest this, might take some time), you'll see how this whole thing with her will help you figure out what that is. Take the good things as blessings and the bad things as learnings. You are a better person after having gone through this.

Sure, she asked for advice, and advice was given. That was probably in the first couple of pages. The rest of this thread is just a huge pile-on where people are scrutinising every action, asking a million pointless questions and dispelling negativity in the responses. If you think that's helping OP, sure continue. Whatever gives people here something to do with their free time, which seems to be quite a lot.

I did read everything. My opinion remains the same.

I am trying to understand what the point of many experienced users here is. It seems you're all just pilling on the OP for whatever mistakes she has made. At this point, Alex has become the punching bag for people who, honestly, seem to have nothing better to do in life rather than try to destroy someone's self-esteem like that. So much hate and bile disguised as "advice". OP has already described in detail their struggles and recognised their shortcomings. But now, all she is doing here is defending herself from the pile-on. I can't see how any of this is helpful in any way.

I agree with Batya, and given the history of your relationship with her, I think you should start getting prepared for this thing not going the way you expect (or want) it to go. Just leaving this relationship to naturally develop hasn't really led anywhere so far. She's getting what she wants out of it. Otherwise, I'm sure she'd have acted upon it. Are you getting what you want?

Cmon guys, it was three months. His response was fine. If she was really into him, it would not have been a problem. I doubt she was actually in love as she said (infatuated, yes, but that’s different). She was probably confused herself, hence it feeling out of the blue.

With all due respect to posters here (including myself), this forum is the equivalent of asking for advice in a bar full of strangers. You'll get a variety of opinions and anecdotal evidence; some are polite, others not so much. Helps you see it from different perspectives, but that's about it. You are the only person who can decide because it's your life. Some people here struggle big time with that, especially when they're told their advice is unhelpful, which it tends to be once these long threads turn into heated arguments that produce nothing substantial.

We can never be totally sure (especially just by reading your accounts), but I'm confident that this is an irreversible friendzone situation. One that will only hurt you more and more over time if you don't decide to back off. I was in the exact situation before at uni (more than a decade ago; the hindsight...). Yes, it's very possible that a woman is showing all these signs of affection (and even a bit of jealousy) without having any intent of dating you, even if casually. This is likely to be a tough lesson you'll only learn yourself. She sounds a bit manipulative, and she'll hurt you badly, my friend. I think you already know she's not interested in dating, so there's absolutely no gain from you in staying around her. The best way to deal with this is to be upfront and say that you're interested in her romantically, and given she's not on the same page, the best is to part ways amicably while you still respect each other. I mean, you can always ask her again on a date before that (be sure to use the word date, and be a bit more direct than just going to see a movie, which friends also typically do) if you need 100% confirmation. Not sure it's needed, but each to their own. If you just stay around and let her lead this, it will do a number on your mental health and self-esteem to date in the future, and it will take longer to recover.

"I’d have never got with her if I’d know the full story." I think this sums it up. It's a matter of processing what happened and moving on. It's clear that what she did doesn't sit well with you, and that's all that matters.

A "middle-ground" way to approach this would be to mentally "check out" from this work experience, and use it just as a learning experience until you are relocated to a new internship opportunity or quit altogether. It's not easy to do, but perhaps framing it as a stepping stone might help you look over this and think big picture. While I normally would suggest quitting the internship ASAP to look after your mental health, I suspect you might have to consider both looking after yourself (getting the professional care and support you need) AND keep attending this internship while actively looking for another opportunity. I say this because the financial problems themselves (including the need to bring home some cash) can't be ignored, and they sometimes can do a number on our mental health too. Now, a quick question: do you think the way your boss is treating you is likely to be the major cause of how you're feeling at the moment, or would you suggest this is bad but is mostly being exacerbated because of your mental health? If the former, I very much encourage you to quit already. But if not, consider if quitting will make things better and not worse. It's not an easy decision to make, but I wish you well, and please try to access the mental healthcare services available to you. Suicidal thoughts normally arise from mental health disorders (i.e. chemical imbalances in our brains that make us get very anxious and/or depressed), so you should treat this the same way you would for dealing with a cardiovascular issue or a knee injury. You need a health professional to look after you and start a treatment plan to get better. That should be your absolute priority at the moment.

It looks like you both have checked out of this already; the best thing you can do (for both of you) is to break up. Do not wait any longer. The financial aspect is something you can both discuss, but I would certainly not recommend staying together on that factor alone.

My experience has been exactly the same. Learning only starts after acceptance. Agree 100% with your post. Whirl, please focus on your mental health and wellbeing for the moment. Attempting to get back with her would be going in the opposite direction. Focus on you, your close ones. Cut yourself some slack, and just try to focus and do things you like. It's time to accept you are dealing with a hurtful break up, and be nice to yourself until you get to the other side. I know it's tempting to reanalyse every second of your relationship (been there, done that), but it's not helpful at all. This will keep you stuck.

I'm not sure you understand how problematic this kind of behaviour is. I think that rather than reframing the break-up (and the relationship) into a narrative that suits you, perhaps you could consider being a bit less stubborn and try to learn from this whole experience so you can be more prepared when the right person comes. Having said that, you surely deserve to be cut some slack, as the break-up is recent. If I were you, I'd not entertain this kind of message from her. I'd not even respond, but if you can't do that, perhaps just say you are processing the break-up and that you'll contact her if/when you think it's a good idea, but otherwise, it's good riddance? The way this is going (watching videos about re-attracting her), this is not going to end nicely for you mate.

I see that as behaviour coming from someone who has been on the fence about the relationship since its start, was probably already nearly checked out at that point, and was getting more and more annoyed at the constant personality clashes between the two of you. I can see that your brain has been operating in overdrive trying to find the real causes for the break up. This is pointless, the only information you should use is that she broke up with you. She preferred to break up than trying to (continue to) get this relationship to anything that actually resembles a relationship. That's all you need to know. I'm sorry to be harsh, but it's important that you get out of that hole, because you'll have to accept you most likely will never know exactly why she broke up with you. I mean, you were hinting at breaking up with her a few times here too, so it's beyond me why you found it so surprising. Closure will only come from you, once you finally realise that she wasn't the right person for you.