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WaywardKiwi

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WaywardKiwi last won the day on July 2 2020

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About WaywardKiwi

  • Birthday 03/08/1983

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  1. So TLDR, I was right, she was just bad at texting? You have blown her off multiple times and she is still inviting you out time and time again. If you choose to take everything as a negative then so be it, but you cant claim noone ever wants to date you or is interested in you because it is patently untrue.
  2. I wouldnt characterise it as 'pushing me in one direction'; my wife was clear from day one, so I had every opportunity to simply turn down date number two. I used to say the exact thing Jazz describes, and my main line was 'if the right person comes along'. But honestly, being 'on the fence' is not really a position; my advice was to really consider what you want and how you would respond to the answer someone gives. What if your date says she wants kids? If that is a deal breaker, then haven't you decided not to have kids? At an advance age, 'maybe one day' runs a much greater risk of resentment and disappointment.
  3. As someone who was very much in the same position, I suggest you should clarify this issue for yourself. Personally, my concern was the timeframe for having children, as I wanted to ensure my relationship had a sold foundation prior to bringing children into it (as well as finiancial security). In my mind, that was roughly three years or so, with plenty of experiences to lean back on. My now wife, on the otherhand, was clear that she was on the clock, and thus I made it a priority to determine quickly whether this was a journey I wanted to take. In truth, I dont know if I would have ever felt entirely ready, knowing myself as I do, so her desire and impetus was a good thing. As a father now (7 months in) I have to say, I don't regret taking the leap. It seems you could imagine yourself with children, if you found the right partner. So then continue dating and ask up front, and go from there. Be honest, and if she wants children, accept that goal as part of your joint future and work toward being ready. If she doesnt, accept that you will not have children. Finally, also consider how committed you are willIng to be to that goal. My wife and I had to go through IVF, largely due to being older. We suffered several miscarriages, which are brutal. In fact, our miracle baby was our agreed last attempt, so we got lucky. Again, it was worth it, but if you decide to take the journey, be mindful and open with yoyr partner.
  4. Hey again, Ita clear from your reaponses her that you are intent in dealing in generalisations and vaguery as opposed to dealing with objective facts and details. I understand, confronting reality would undermine your narrative. However, its a somewhat circular and franking boring conversation. So until you are willing to actually engage, Im out. T
  5. Do you regularly attend social gatherings such as wedding receptions, birthday parties, housewarmings or the like? Do you speak to women at these events?
  6. Well, that really depends on the sample size. In what specific circumstances are you interacting with women? How limited is your geographical and demographic sample? What signals exactly are sufficient to indicate romantic interest? With regard to your observations of other men, how well do you know their situations? Can you give an actual example for context. You are drawing a very final conclusion from pretty shaky data it seems.
  7. Well, I think I may be done. You refuse to focus and commit to the situation right in front of you and would rather argue about historic occurrences with totally irrelevant third parties, or hypothetical gender swaps. This woman right now has gone above and beyond, and you decided to walk away. That's not some random OLD match's fault, that's your decision right here today. I won't be replying anymore, the is no pay off for the investment.
  8. But these are just general statements out of context, I can't draw any conclusion from them; especially when you three times claimed this women has ghosted you when she in fact hasn't. The greatest source of information we have as to the actual issues you face are what is happen right now, in this interaction. And indeed, that's the way you should be approaching it too. This girl, this relationship, this friendship. If taking a week to reply is too long, so be it. That's your standard, and frankly I would be okay with it in these circumstances. You didn't give a firm deadline, this form of texting is established in your interactions, she is clearly busy, and the content of her interactions is always positive, bar one raincheck which she made up by inviting you out twice afterwards. Basically, taking a week in isolation may be a deal breaker, but you are trying to ignore the entire context of your interactions til now. But that's your call. Just don't blame the past, or some cosmic rule. There is ample and sufficient evidence right in front of you as to how we arrived here.
  9. In this case yes, this is why you cannot get a date. You asked her to let you know what day worked for her, and once she knew, she did let you know. And is this is the only actual circumstance I know of and not some generalisation, I have to assume this is indicative of your issue generally.
  10. Lamb, her worst crime was being busy and bad at texting. That is the only wrong step she made in this entire process. Seriously, the reason you don't get dates are your impossible standards. Women approach you in bars, this women goes out of her way to invite you things and get to know; I have never had women be this proactive in my love life. You want a women to drop everything, fall at your feet and beg for a date, all while you maintain your disinterested facade. If you just wanna be friends, then be friendly and let go of your butthurt. If you don't want to be, stop texting her as if you do and then blaming her. I was on your side for ages, but this is on your behaviour not your face.
  11. To be honest, I agree with 99% of what you are saying in normal dating situations. But as Lamb has pointed out so many times, his situation is very unique.
  12. My practical advice? First and foremost, realize that, although for you the speed (and to a lesser extent the content it seems) of her reply is the absolute indicator of her opinion and interest in you, for her it is as casual and non-urgent as you intentionally crafted it to be. You didn't invite her to an event or activity which has a deadline, and you have said that you intentionally avoid coming on too strong, so she very well might take you at you word and believe that there is no urgency to reply. Also, and sorry to reiterate the point, but a you set a precedence when you let your "I'll consider it" fester well past due. You made it okay in your "relationship" (in the sense of two people, not romantic) to forget to reply to an invitation, even if that wasn't the real reason you didn't do so in a timely manner. Finally, you have a perfectly acceptable way to avoid using text, much the same way she does - wait to see her in person and then invite her to a specific or immediate event or date. Let's grab a drink or coffee after this. I am going to check out X gallery this weekend and would love some company. Etc. This may not be how you roll, but it seems to be how she does. As I said, maybe she is just too incompatible for you, but given that your current methods and approaches are dictated primarily by anxiety and history, rather than your true self and interests, taking an opportunity to evolve and expand your style could be good.
  13. I know you loathe anecdotes Lamb, so I'll keep it brief. I was in this exact same situation regarding text messages - as an anxiety sufferer I would rely on written communication to set things up and express myself because it put a layer of distance. It caused me no end of internal turmoil and conflict. Right up until I met my wife, when I finally realized it was my issue and took steps to get around it. This is something you have control over, either it's a deal breaker or you can adjust. But you can't blame her for your issues.
  14. Everyone is entitled to their standards regarding the the acceptable length of time between messages. If you, or more importantly Lamb, determine that this is a blow off then so be it. However, you can't come back tomorrow, or the day after with "so she replied" and then immediately forget all the character assassination you spent the last few days spreading around the forum. There are no mixed signals. She has acted consistently; she is friendly, shows interest, and actively seeks to make plans in person, but sucks at texting. That has been the case the whole time. It may even be one reason why she is single; her lack of skill with this form of communication. However, it is absolutely a double standard to fail to excuse her for this flaw, while also claiming your anxiety and social awkwardness excuses your mixed signals. Finally, it is a telling over reaction to cut someone entirely, as well as abandon an activity you claim to enjoy, over a slow text reply. This is doubly so if, as Lamb claims, he doesn't want to date her, merely to be friends.
  15. You blew off her in person invitation without a proper response, then waited until after the proposed event to offer a vague, toe-dip invitation via text message, which is both a trigger for you and clearly a weakness for her, and then you give up within 24 hours. She has a proven track record of slow replies to messages, yet everytime you accuse her of cowardice and malice. I agree, interested people act interested. However, when it comes to mixed signals, yours have been FAR more mixed than hers. She has invited you out FAR more times than you her, even after you actively avoid her, or dont respond to invitations. This myth that interested people always instant return text messages is just that, a myth. In fact, as I have gotten older I actually agree that people who dont always return messages instantly are generally better at maintaining healthier relationships. For all you know she is trying to reschedule those days you suggested with other people to make herself available. But I suggest you block her and stop volunteering. You don't even seem to like her. You actively disparage her at any percieved slight, and given your extreme issues with texting and her deficiency, you appear incompatible regardless of interest. If you cant trust her and give her some benefit of the doubt, especially when she has gone out of her way to respect your issues and anxiety, she isnt the one for you.
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