Sunflower93

If this was to get my attention it absolutely was not the way to do it. But I know you and I know you're honestly just a disgusting person and were legitimately tryna hook up with her. That's what is giving me this pain... I thought maybe you used to love me and fell out of love. But now I see it was all just a lie. You never loved me they were just words. I told you everything and you know that and you know how she always went to great lengths to lower my self esteem. How could you ing do this?? This goes beyond having love and respect for me this is just basic human decency. There are millions of girls out there why are you going after my friends and family. You're a wicked and broken person and you will never be better. I'm not broken, you are. After everything we shared with each other you ing know better. I am trying to move the on and just leave all this especially you in the past. Just leave me the alone like I said. I always wanted someone to love me, you know that. And for mentoncome to terms that I was the only one that was in love. I don't even know how. I feel like love doesn't even exist except for maybe with God but love between humans.. I don't know maybe it just doesn't exist for me. You really made me believe you loved me you begged me to believe you loved and constantly said how much I mean to you. What was the point.. You weren't even there when I wanted to hurt myself. You just said I'm breaking your heart then went back to sexting girls. Why am I like this, why can't I just realize you're a ing shell of a human with an evil heart and move on. You met me when I was too weak and weakened me further. Now I'm stuck at ground zero and I just don't know why I have to go through all of this what is the ing point. These aren't lessons normal people have to learn. And my life has been ty enough. I didn't need any extra lessons from the school of hard knocks. And I definitely didn't need this lesson right now I already was avoiding you like the plague. Why did I need to know you really didn't love me. I don't feel that was a necessary lesson. I already suspected and I absolutely didn't want you back. Did I need that knock out punch to finish the job? I was already down! With my hands in the air! I'm sensitive especially when it comes to you everyone knows that.. I just didn't ing need this. Now I'm late to ing work. I cannot express enough how much I did not need this final kill, I was barely putting myself back together and being able to breathe normal again. Now it's like back to square one. Back to a place I absolutely did not want to be at.

I am feeling spook much closer to healed, to be fair we DID break up 4 months ago. I realllyyyyy wish I would have done NC right away but that's not really my fault, you made it seem like we're not done in fact you kept telling me we're not done so you for that. Talking bout "oh I'm still here I didn't go anywhere" I really hate you when I think about what you've done. I wanted to get to this phase tho cuz for me at least when anger is the strongest emotion that means I'm almost healed. Cuz it's easier for me to let go of anger than hurt and sadness. I want to hear from you bc something wants you to regret this so bad you cry every night, but I know you've been fine this whole time so I just want to never hear from you again. I will never check your social media again if I have any say about it and if only I could stop myself from dreaming about you so I can really move on. At least in my dreams you get farther away so I don't have to see your face. I know it's not healthy to forget but damn do I want to forget. Everything. It was such a freaking mess. I wish so bad I would have broke up with you last year. Or even on January after that huge fight. You never deserved all I have to you. I'm so done thinking about you and talking about you. Like ok you broke my heart and didn't give af what's done is done I'm tired of dwelling and screaming why at the sky. I'm never gonna know why and you know what I accept that. If I could only accept that what we had was a lie and move on then I would be healed.

I just listened to the very few voicemails I have left from you and they're mostly pocket dials but I could here you with everyone laughing and having fun in the background so it just made me think.. was all that laughter and happiness worth throwing away? During summer the few times we did talk and I told you I was lonely you said you were too. Do you know how effed up that is?? You were literally telling me you would rather be alone and lonely than be with me. Because you NEVER hit me up just to hang out it was only for sex, then the last time we hung out you were holding me and kissing me like you missed me so much was the point of all that? You gave up everything we had and now I'm the only one left destroyed I'm sitting here posting on forums TRYING to regain my sanity and you are just living life. You took me by the hand and showed me what love was then you just walked away and walked out of my life like nothing ever happened. How is that fair?!!! Why do I have to be left to pick up the pieces why are you so ok and not heart broken like with your last girlfriend. How come I meant so much less to you and so little. I wish I never met you in the first place. You ruined my life.