Batya33

I would also try Kristin Hannah's books -The Women -her latest one -and The Great Alone. Also I hope not off topic but check out Alain De Botton book's on love and relationships -not self help -he's a philosopher.

I think this is the sort of thing that is very individual and should only be recommended to the OP by his personal doctor or therapist.

Yes I think consistency in texting patterns even after just 21 days is a good thing - but seeing patterns as far as what this person is like/how compatible you are/personality traits is absolutely not long enough.

I mean sure if he was into you too - he'd have said -I feel the same way but it's a very awkward approach and he did as instructed. It's also kind of self absorbed. I would think if you have a crush you want to spend time with him and get to know him better so why didn't you chat with him and ask him to spend some time with you doing a fun activity?

That's very ambitious! I've always been an avid reader and when the pandemic started I decided to start staying off social media more -because of the overwhelming amount of covid stuff- and divisiveness and judgey-ness and read even more -take more of a no screens break at night (yes we have the TV on -I mean computer/phone). I think it helps mental health a lot so I'm a fan of it!

I made my share of relationship mistakes for sure -cringey too!! It happens! I agree with the others though especially since it's not in the best interests of your kids to live in a precarious situation since he doesn't want to marry you and really never did - your kids need more than an unhappy mom living in a situation with a man who is not their father or married to their mother. So I'd maybe seek advice from a financial counselor at your bank? As to your best financial options. Throw money at the problem IMO.

She's oversharing to keep you at a distance. Her actions are inconsistent -she doesn't trust you after 21 days -she has to share that for some reason -I mean -21 days -but she trusts you enough to have sex with you. She airs her dirty laundry about her perspective as far as being used by her ex for sex - she sounds more like a project than a person to have fun dating and getting to know. I know instant connections are thrilling. And for long term purposes they're based on very little information and none about compatibility for something serious. IMO. I'd leave the ball in her court.

Same from me. I'm so sorry you went through this and very smart to call your son.

In My Big Fat Greek Wedding the Aunt is horrified that the boyfriend "don't eat no meat!" So she considers for awhile and says calmly. "OK I make lamb!" (And yes fresh squeezed OJ shouldn't have added sugar -but fresh squeezed lemonade - um yup)

I'm so so sorry you're feeling this way. Please call a suicide hotline and reach out for resources. There is help. I hope you feel better.

No -that's silly - just have realistic expectations and dating to me requires a thick skin. Why are you interested in dating? Narrow that down first because that greatly affects the expectations. No need to use dating apps but no method will work if you have regular pity parties and regular blaming of society -we all have our moments -I did for sure after some colossally bad dates/first meets/interactions. Timing and luck are factors. Most of it -for me-was about front line, proactive stuff without desperation and with a thick skin that I worked on as needed. But first be honest about why you want to date -with yourself -and be honest as far as whether you're ready to be open to treating people as individual human beings without too much of a negative/jaded "society has it out for me/woe is me" attitude -that's a huge turnoff and can be sensed a mile away from most people who have just basic common sense and basic natural intuition (even that is not required -the negativity oozes out and is fairly transparent). When I was 20-ish I met men -through friends (this was 1980s), through religious organizations, at college, and met a long term boyfriend I was briefly engaged to when I was 20 -through a print personal ad. I also started doing volunteer work in my teens and have done so regularly for the last 40 years or so -I regularly have met people through volunteer work.

I think being tired in general of people also can be from all the traveling added to work, etc -it's a lot! I remember when I traveled a lot - for several years -my husband's been traveling a lot for over 20.

I'm sorry you're frustrated. I used dating websites from about 2000-05 on and off. I met over 100 men in person and most of them were good people. I know of several happy long term relationships and marriages that have resulted from using dating sites. I know many of the kids they've had too! I don't agree that they're as awful as you say and if you find them that way then of course don't use them!

It sounds like something made her uncomfortable about staying close given your siblings' relationships - not sure what the something is but when that changed she created distance - was there some conflict or awkwardness about that? Or maybe she wants to have boundaries in case there is ever a marital issue between your sibling and hers? I'm sorry you're upset.

When my son was 7 and his grandfather died we had many people over to my inlaws home to pay their respects after the funeral. Many brought food of some sort or wine, beverages. A friend of my late FIL brought homemade dessert -some kind of fruit tart. My son and I were flying back the next day and I was not comfortable having him try a homemade dish from someone I didn't know where he might get sick/be sensitive to it given our flight. He didn't care at least until she started pressuring me. She was annoying. She took it personally, she pressured me. While I'm trying to keep an eye on my son in the crowds and while I'm trying to help my husband and family host this gathering -and I'm grieving too! Wow -she went out of her way to make her homemade whatever specialty and wouldn't take no for an answer. All huffy. I stayed firm and Mama Bear and told her as many times as needed "thank you and no I'm not comfortable having him try it." I am getting those vibes from you OP - how dare someone not fall all over your generosity at sharing your from scratch homemade specialty whether it's about being full, being cautious, being sensitive to it. I personally have a small appetite and food sensitivities so I've born the brunt too "oh just a bite to be polite." No. Stop. Totally fine to offer -then back off.