Batya33

I think this is pretty basic- many couples have different boundaries and approaches when it comes to sharing feelings including timing/context/choosing battles so to speak. and I think it's essential if the couple is going to get along to respect these differences. I mean -isn't it also typical that men and women have gendered differences in how/when -if! - they express feelings? That need not be an issue if there is mutual respect for different approaches to sharing feelings. Yes extremes on either end can be - always stonewalling or constantly having to talk and talk and talk about Feelings and The Relationship -can be exhausting - but I think if you recognize your tendency to stonewall that's good enough - and I don't see why it's necessary to tell her every time she's hurt you - I mean choose your battles. Sure if it's a big deal to you and you'll sulk and feel resentful or mopey for more than let's say -a day or two -might need to bring it up especially if it's an issue that is likely to recur. And it's totally fine to tell her "thanks for encouraging me to tell you every time I feel "hurt" but can we agree that you'll trust me to tell you if it's something that needs to be addressed? Also why do you need your feelings "validated" for every "hurt" - I'm just not getting a sense that she's hurt you badly. And if she has- and it's a regular thing that seems to keep happening consider why you are in a relationship where that is happening? Also sounds like she's playing therapist - and it's a challenge -hmmmm he's a stonewaller -he admitted it -well I'm gonna get him to share alllll his feelings even if it feels icky!

I had the same impression.

You have no idea whether they are dating, in a relationship, hooking up, together in a healthy and positive way etc- are you looking for a partner - who is also a close or best friend -or a "hot girl" who you can show off as arm candy?

I understand wanting to be in touch daily when you're an established couple -that "old fashioned" approach. But you're not a couple in that sense -at all. Sounds a bit too insta relationship to me and I'm glad you're dialing it back.

I would also try Kristin Hannah's books -The Women -her latest one -and The Great Alone. Also I hope not off topic but check out Alain De Botton book's on love and relationships -not self help -he's a philosopher.

I think this is the sort of thing that is very individual and should only be recommended to the OP by his personal doctor or therapist.

Yes I think consistency in texting patterns even after just 21 days is a good thing - but seeing patterns as far as what this person is like/how compatible you are/personality traits is absolutely not long enough.

I mean sure if he was into you too - he'd have said -I feel the same way but it's a very awkward approach and he did as instructed. It's also kind of self absorbed. I would think if you have a crush you want to spend time with him and get to know him better so why didn't you chat with him and ask him to spend some time with you doing a fun activity?

That's very ambitious! I've always been an avid reader and when the pandemic started I decided to start staying off social media more -because of the overwhelming amount of covid stuff- and divisiveness and judgey-ness and read even more -take more of a no screens break at night (yes we have the TV on -I mean computer/phone). I think it helps mental health a lot so I'm a fan of it!

I made my share of relationship mistakes for sure -cringey too!! It happens! I agree with the others though especially since it's not in the best interests of your kids to live in a precarious situation since he doesn't want to marry you and really never did - your kids need more than an unhappy mom living in a situation with a man who is not their father or married to their mother. So I'd maybe seek advice from a financial counselor at your bank? As to your best financial options. Throw money at the problem IMO.

She's oversharing to keep you at a distance. Her actions are inconsistent -she doesn't trust you after 21 days -she has to share that for some reason -I mean -21 days -but she trusts you enough to have sex with you. She airs her dirty laundry about her perspective as far as being used by her ex for sex - she sounds more like a project than a person to have fun dating and getting to know. I know instant connections are thrilling. And for long term purposes they're based on very little information and none about compatibility for something serious. IMO. I'd leave the ball in her court.

Same from me. I'm so sorry you went through this and very smart to call your son.

In My Big Fat Greek Wedding the Aunt is horrified that the boyfriend "don't eat no meat!" So she considers for awhile and says calmly. "OK I make lamb!" (And yes fresh squeezed OJ shouldn't have added sugar -but fresh squeezed lemonade - um yup)

I'm so so sorry you're feeling this way. Please call a suicide hotline and reach out for resources. There is help. I hope you feel better.

No -that's silly - just have realistic expectations and dating to me requires a thick skin. Why are you interested in dating? Narrow that down first because that greatly affects the expectations. No need to use dating apps but no method will work if you have regular pity parties and regular blaming of society -we all have our moments -I did for sure after some colossally bad dates/first meets/interactions. Timing and luck are factors. Most of it -for me-was about front line, proactive stuff without desperation and with a thick skin that I worked on as needed. But first be honest about why you want to date -with yourself -and be honest as far as whether you're ready to be open to treating people as individual human beings without too much of a negative/jaded "society has it out for me/woe is me" attitude -that's a huge turnoff and can be sensed a mile away from most people who have just basic common sense and basic natural intuition (even that is not required -the negativity oozes out and is fairly transparent). When I was 20-ish I met men -through friends (this was 1980s), through religious organizations, at college, and met a long term boyfriend I was briefly engaged to when I was 20 -through a print personal ad. I also started doing volunteer work in my teens and have done so regularly for the last 40 years or so -I regularly have met people through volunteer work.