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Batya33

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Batya33 last won the day on March 17

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  1. I'd abide by what you two agreed to as far as notice and the financial aspects.
  2. I think it's time to keep your distance from this person in every way because you're highly critical of her and resentful. And you also care and worry about her -so for that part I'd offer to help her find resources related to her pregnancy or parenthood if she asks you. Perhaps if she asks you to go to a pregnancy appointment with her, go with and keep her company -but I think your emotions towards her are too negative for you to be this close to her.
  3. I hope tomorrow is better!
  4. I don't think it's nice to be nice when the main motive is to gain approval from others or because you're too insecure to say no -so you're being more of a martyr. That's too passive and/or self-absorbed. Most women I know and know of the last 40 years or so who are referring to dating and refer to a guy as a "nice guy" often refer to that in a conversation about "well, I'm not attracted to him but he's soooooo nice". For sure not always. Or it's a generic throw away comment not anything specifically thoughtful about the person or a specific thing he did that was kind. But that's just my experience living in two major cities for 57 years -but only dated in the first one for over 20 years. Obviously the term may be used quite differently. I think people who are kind and thoughtful from a perspective of reasonable confidence and are also kind and thoughtful to themselves including with boundaries are people who healthy people like to be around and gravitate to.
  5. Your words not mine. I don't believe that at all. And it sure isn't a piece of cake being a mom with some of the generalizations that are made about moms whether they work outside the home or not. I share my health insurance with my husband. If I didn't I'd seek coverage at my job or some other sort of coverage. No biggie. I can't imagine dating especially looking for a serious relationship all bogged down in the negative assumptions you seem to have -but maybe I'm reading wrong? You're well intentioned and smart and caring -perhaps you might want to reconsider some of this negative stuff?
  6. Same when I was a single adult till age 42 and I was single when pregnant until my 8th month. Never had any issue with health care, have always lived in a major city, never lived with anyone -roommate or partner (except a few months with my husband when we were engaged the first time -we didn't officially live together until after we were married). In fact there were some really annoying complications accessing health care once I got married and moved - just the change in status and location messed some stuff up.
  7. No I don't and cannot relate and I'm sorry you're disappointed! I agree with whoever wrote that you're likely not ready to date yet. I liked getting to know people at a reasonable pace over time.
  8. No I disagree. I'd have zero expectations of even another date that early on. Anyone can have four crescendo dates with a new person. I was never shocked because I managed my expectations in a realistic way. I enjoyed crescendo dates to the fullest. AND was not shocked if it crashed and burned. But I was dating only to get married so it was essential for me to teach myself how to be realistic so I didn't get jaded. And I didn't.
  9. I'm sorry you're in this situation. Can you apply for financial aid at the college you want? Transfer there later? Talk to the high school guidance counselor who maybe can talk to your parents? I would avoid dating this girl - she's bad news for you and will distract you in a really bad way from your studies and activities. (My son is 15 by the way).
  10. Right. No message. I'd stop assuming "well because I would never ____ no one else would" especially since you only had 4 dates.
  11. Where I live - major US city, moved from major US city - I think it's easier to be in a couple and married. It's more acceptable. Not commenting on the fairness of it but it's my perception. It has nothing to do with why I got married or my desire to get married and be a mommy -that was all personal and individual. I'm not a sheep blindly following "society". I don't really get along with people who are too much like that. I'm sorry you felt anxious. Icky feeling!! But I also don't sense you would settle just to be "safe" in a couple. Safe in quotes because it's never been my focus - I see too much happen in the world to couples. My dear friend - she is just the best - genuine, warm, caring, pretty, so bright, ambitious, successful. 3 kids under 12. Yesterday -she celebrated the bday of one of her kids. Today is moving day. Her husband is moving out. Because he cheated. First time that she is aware of. She caught him. Safe??? Thank goodness she is a professional with a full time job. And now the job of getting divorced and caring for their children and keeping them safe. No guarantees. She does not deserve this -in particular. She's that wonderful. No I don't think I'm motivated to be married because it's safer. I'm motivated for many reasons but not that one. To each her own.
  12. I'm glad you got this help. I think you have unrealistic expectations about early dating especially with a woman you didn't know well before. I'm sorry you were upset. Who does that? It's called -dating. Oh the war stories I have....
  13. Oh wow. Leather bound books- such memories. Two mentors I had including the one I mentioned - have passed -one on the younger side from cancer. I'm glad you still know her!! You reminded me -almost 20 years ago I mentored a college intern and now she is a married mother of 3 - and married the boy she was dating at that time -she told me -so cutely - that I would approve of him (I hadn't asked but she meant like he wasn't some player rowdy teenage boy) -true college sweethearts and yes he seemed and seems great!
  14. The first album my parents bought me was Off the Wall lol - I was a young teen.
  15. Your focus on your looks -what you see in the mirror -being labeled "above average" -the extent of your focus is really worrisome and I think it's because of what Yogacat wrote above -your need to be captivating and particularly your face and body/private parts. For sure - not me - but there are people who are happy together in large part because they wanted arm candy primarily, because their arousal and desire depends mostly on looks - and they are happy together that way. Not for me to judge. The problem is you're making that huge assumption that just because he likes watching porn -and used to love watching it all the time basically - that he is a person who is with you primarily because of your looks. That he is aroused mostly by looks. I think you make that assumption partly or even all because of what Yogacat and others expressed above. I think given how focused you are on this - you should get help. Also yes it's controlling to test him in this way and monitor him in this way and comment as you do. IMO. Maybe he gets turned on by being controlled. I dated a man for 5 months and I would try not to let him see me with messy hair (my hair gets frizzy if there's even a prediction of rain or humidity lol) - or without makeup. Man was it exhausting and so unhealthy psychologically. I was triggered because he was a reformed player, and would make comments that suggested to me an inordinate focus on women's looks. Like someone else said - our partners might see us in labor/give birth. Our partners might see us with disgusting gross colds when we run out of tissues. Some of those partners will want us more than ever at those moments (ok maybe not the latter example) and some will not be aroused at all but it's no biggie. Or you can get all dolled up in that precise outfit that turned him on two weeks ago and no reaction. Cause we're human. I like pizza a lot. And I love chocolate. And ice cream. But if you offered me the most awesome dark chocolate I love and I was either full or very hungry for a meal as opposed to dessert I'd not desire it -I might take a rain check but I wouldn't desire it. Nice try with your analogy and I don't think it works that way. The way it works (ok as I have to say -with rare exception!) - if you want to marry or be with someone in a romantic relationship that's committed and long term you have to either trust them or not in every way - reasonably so but basic, strong trust. Including that they want to be in a romantic relationship with you whatever that looks like. And if you do it would never occur to you on any regular basis -and not in any obsessive way which is the impression you give - to perform these experiments, tests, to even analyze why "if I do this/he should do that and if not then why since he got hard the last time I did that -what's going on??" - with rare exceptions things would just -flow - feel fine/good/amazing depending on the day. But -flow. And ebb without all this drama you create in your head. Your approach sounds exhausting and likely will trigger wrinkles and gray hair - talk about self-sabotage!
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