Batya33

Lol nope and no interest in doing so. I watched a bit of it - looks interesting!

And assume you'll never know if he typed that message or typed all of it, etc so no need to analyze.

Best feeling. So glad !

I'd add that four dates in four days doesn't count - get to know a person in person over a period of time- a month or more as TeeDee suggested. Please have zero expectations of in person chemistry.

Same exact from me -all of it.

But why would you attempt to take her phone away? I don't need to label that with psychospeak/disorders -I'm not a mental health provider but common sense - as I wrote above- unless I'm missing something I don't know many people who would tolerate a romantic partner or close friend doing that without speaking up right then and drawing a line in the sand. I've had to do that with people in my life who did something extreme like that to me or my son.

It's too much if you ask him if he wants to come to your place for a home cooked meal wink wink but asking about the coworkers -sounds run of the mill to me.

You've asked this many times and you're barking up the wrong tree. A man or woman who chooses to be with another person potentially for the long term isn't "influenced" in that way because people are not puppets. Men and women can change their minds about future potential or change their minds while in a committed relationship -no guarantees. But a person who wasn't available to date seriously because of major life changes who was reasonably healthy and reasonably thoughtful would tell another person who obviously wanted to be with him or her "hey I really like you, I like hanging out with you - and right now with all this turmoil (fill in the blanks) it's not the best time for me to focus on you. How about I call you in a few weeks or (month) when I'm settled ... and if you're still interested and available we'll see where we are." That's rare but it happens with authenticity - why in the world would a person risk not showing up as her best self if she saw serious potential and have the other person lose interest? And lots of things can influence level of attraction -when I was sleep deprived with a newborn I wasn't much interested in sex (nor was it allowed, doctor's orders), and there are many things that influence attraction to one's partner -mental and physical health, stress etc but I don't think any of that influences whether the person feels chemistry, a spark. It simply influences the level of attraction at a given time - someone with a gross cold might be repulsed at the thought of kissing their partner but it's not an issue of whether that person is generally attracted to their partner. Also some people have that friendship caught on fire experience -all of a sudden one day that platonic friend - you're like -wow - I feel a spark -this is so weird! Happened to me at least once and can happen like if you work with someone for years and a situation changes -someone is single again etc you see that person differently. I don't think that applies AT ALL to your situation.

I agree with Ms. Canuck's input. Whether he "knew" or "didn't know" doesn't matter -maybe to his mother, his therapist, etc - I was attracted to my ex bf much of the 7 years we were together-on and off -I loved him -and I had core shaking doubts that I chose to listen to and not proceed to engagement or marriage. I figured it out months later -an aha moment - so sure it could be he doesn't know. He does know he doesn't want to be with you in a potentially serious relationship (reread what Canuck wrote) and the rest -the "why" - is irrelevant. I wouldn't worry about the attraction to others or lack thereof -be proactive, put yourself out there- find ways to be around people you have stuff in common with. And consider that your attraction is fueled when the man is challenging because he's unavailable. Then the attraction is not to him but moreso to the thrill of the chase. Then if you actually "win" your "prize" poof goes the attraction.

Oh ok you are a person who doesn't have close friendships where you care that much. I think you two are oil and water if you feel like you can try to take away her phone in the situation you described.

I mean - unless she was about to dial 911 because her UberEats was delayed and she was furious - or took a call from a known scammer and was about to give out her credit card security code - why in the world would you ever try to take someone's phone away as a reaction to something she might be doing "wrong" in your opinion? Yes you are supposed to sit and watch her do something "wrong" rather than try to grab her phone. Saying something like "are you sure you want to ...." is ok - if you think she doesn't know - but otherwise -yes you let her do something "wrong"

It's because typed words have limitations especially when we're basically strangers. And you're referring to a multilayered situation and inner situation wiht lots of 'history" you've written about. I don't think a romantic relationship necessarily brings out any different sides of someone than a really close friendship unless the person has issues with romantic relationship or physical intimacy. (I was fearful of saying yes to my husband about getting back together after 7 years apart -for about 60 seconds - and for some inexplicable reason saying yes to forever till death do us part at our wedding felt- natural, magical -no fear. I mean what's more vulnerable than promising, essentially -forever? And that brought out inner peace, joy and excitement and magic - not fear/anxiety or wanting to run away. Even though I'm type A, tend to be more anxious about stuff than average maybe, etc. So I don't buy that theory and I do think what's going on has something to do with your past. Much more to do with this particular person.

He's a stranger for romantic purposes -how do you even know he wrote that? He didn't meet you because he didn't want to so take his words in that context. You have no idea if he was a workaholic or whether his absences were because he was wilth his wife, girlfriend, a lover. I agree with Wiseman. I'd ignore the message and not waste time trying to analyzie it.

It's not enough for the long term to feel a connection especially if it's with someone unavailable in some way and especially if it's early on. It's thrilling ,exciting, feels awesome - and of course it's a real feeling. But feelings aren't facts and most of loving is giving - not a feeling -so if you feel connected that's great but the real proof is whether that translates into two people desiring to give to each other and acting on that by their giving actions. To me potential for the long term requires both head and heart. My son just called out from his video game haze "mommy!! you're my favorite!!" but in about 15 minutes when I tell him to step away from the screen and take his shower him loving me and seeing me as his favorite mother ever will NOT translate into him hopping in the shower as I asked. But when he was 3 and not 15 and I was solo parenting and got his stomach bug he saw me sitting quietly in the rocking chair which was new to him - -I was too quiet! - he came over and brought me a green crayon to cheer me up -true giving of love. When my husband and I got back together (ex fiancées) and had our first real kiss - I was totally sure he was The One - didn't tell him that but I -knew. He knew too -what he said after told me so. Amazing connection. The best. But that's not enough and that can help carry you through the rough spots but you still have to show up for each other, think of each other and be available to laugh together, commiserate, laugh at decades old inside jokes and hold your tongue and give space even if he doesn't ask because you know he needs that -even if he didn't ask and maybe doesn't even know he does. That's the stuff of compatibility, stick to it iveness . Feeling all your feelings is fun and awesome and enthralling -how in the world can you "feel" so connected -it's - magic! But there's also an element of true self-absorption - focusing inward on these exciting feelings and ignoring perhaps that the object of your delight - isn't available to show up for you daily or even every couple days -not in a real way anyway. Finding both is so easy for some and so hard for others. i fell into the latter category for sure so please don't despair- don't settle -and don't compare to others.

This is what I thought as well.